Blog

What Is the Cremation Process?

Fri, 08 May 2026 12:01:29 GMT

Understanding the Cremation Process in Swartz Creek, MI

Summary

• Cremation is a respectful process guided by CANA, NFDA, and FTC standards.

• Families typically begin with written authorization and careful verification of identification.

• Cremation takes place in a specialized chamber overseen with dignity and care.

• Families in Swartz Creek have several meaningful options for services , burial of the urn, or scattering.

What Is the Cremation Process?

Families in Swartz Creek, MI often wonder what happens during the cremation process. According to the Cremation Association of North America (CANA) and the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), cremation follows a series of carefully guided steps that prioritize dignity, proper identification, and respect. Understanding these steps can provide peace of mind during a difficult time.

The process typically begins with written authorization from the next of kin. Identification is verified, and all required documentation is reviewed before anything proceeds. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC), through the Funeral Rule, helps ensure families receive clear, accurate information about their options and related costs.

Before the cremation begins, the individual is placed in an approved cremation container that meets legal and ethical standards. An identification tag remains with them throughout the entire process, following guidance supported by CANA and NFDA to ensure accountability and accuracy at every step.

Cremation takes place in a specialized chamber designed specifically for this purpose. While specific procedures may vary, trained professionals oversee the process and follow established standards to maintain dignity, safety, and respect from beginning to end.

Once the cremation is complete, the cremated remains are gently processed and placed into the urn or container selected by the family. Many families in Swartz Creek, MI choose to hold a memorial service, bury the urn, or scatter ashes in a meaningful location. Each choice allows loved ones to honor and remember a family member in a personal and meaningful way.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does the cremation process typically take?

The cremation itself often takes several hours, while the final preparation and processing of the cremated remains may take an additional day or two before they are ready to be returned to the family.

Can families be present at the start of the cremation?

Some crematories may offer the option for families to witness the beginning of the cremation. Families should speak with their funeral director to learn what options may be available locally.

What happens to the cremated remains after the process is complete?

After the process is complete, the cremated remains are placed into the chosen urn or temporary container and returned to the family, along with appropriate documentation and guidance on memorial options.

Written for Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center, proudly serving families in Swartz Creek with compassion and care.

About Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center

Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center is located at 8138 Miller Road, Swartz Creek, MI 48473 , and can be reached at 810-635-4411. Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center provides compassionate, professional funeral and cremation services to families throughout the Swartz Creek community. With a strong commitment to dignity, respect, and personal guidance, the funeral home supports families through every step of planning and remembrance.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What Is Needed from Next of Kin for Burial and Cremation in Swartz Creek, Michigan

Fri, 10 Apr 2026 12:00:49 GMT

Summary

• The next of kin typically provides authorization for burial or cremation.

• Funeral homes often request identification, vital information, and signed authorization forms.

• Documentation requirements vary by state but generally include death certificate and permit details.

• Funeral directors help guide families through each step with compassion and clarity.

What Is Needed from Next of Kin for Burial and Cremation

Families in Swartz Creek, Michigan often ask what is required from the next of kin when making burial or cremation arrangements. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), funeral professionals typically need written authorization from the legal next of kin before moving forward with final arrangements.

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) notes that this authorization supports transparency under the Funeral Rule, helping ensure families receive clear and accurate information. The next of kin—often a spouse, adult child, parent, or legal representative—usually holds the legal authority to make these important decisions.

Identification and Documentation Requirements

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) emphasizes the importance of accurate documentation when completing an official death certificate. Funeral homes often request the following items from the next of kin:

- A government-issued photo ID for the next of kin.

- Vital information about the deceased, including full legal name, date of birth, parents’ names, and Social Security number.

- A signed authorization form for burial or cremation .

- Information needed for the death certificate and related permits.

These documents help ensure that arrangements comply with legal guidelines and honor the wishes of the family.

Why Authorization Matters

Authorization ensures that funeral arrangements meet legal standards and reflect a family’s preferences. For burial, the next of kin may need to complete a burial permit and confirm cemetery or vault selections. For cremation, a Cremation Authorization Form is typically required, and depending on the state, there may be a waiting period or medical examiner approval.

Funeral directors at Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center offer steady support to families in Swartz Creek, Michigan, providing guidance with empathy and care at every step.

FAQs

Who is considered the next of kin?

The next of kin is usually a spouse, adult child, parent, or legal representative with the authority to make funeral, burial, or cremation decisions.

What documents are needed before burial or cremation?

Most funeral homes request a government-issued ID, essential details for the death certificate, and a signed authorization form.

Do requirements vary by state?

Yes. Documentation requirements often differ by state or region, so families should consult their funeral home for guidance specific to their area.

Written for Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center, proudly serving families in Swartz Creek, Michigan with compassion and care.

About Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center

Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center is honored to support families throughout Swartz Creek, Michigan. Their dedicated staff offers caring guidance through each step of the funeral and cremation planning process. Located at 8138 Miller Road, Swartz Creek, MI 48473 , families can reach them at 810-635-4411 for compassionate assistance.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Why Do Funeral & Cremation Costs Vary in Swartz Creek, Michigan?

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 13:00:52 GMT

Summary

• Funeral and cremation costs often vary because of location, facilities, staffing, and available service options.

• Families in Swartz Creek may notice differences based on whether a funeral home offers on-site cremation, reception areas, or expanded amenities.

• Personalization, professional care, and the level of support provided all influence total cost.

• The FTC’s Funeral Rule ensures families receive transparent, itemized pricing to compare providers with confidence.

Why Do Funeral and Cremation Costs Vary?

Families in Swartz Creek often wonder why funeral and cremation costs differ between providers. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), these differences are common and typically reflect regional expenses, staffing needs, and the types of services families choose. All national data referenced is accurate as of 2025.

Regional and Overhead Differences

Funeral homes in mid-sized communities such as Swartz Creek may experience different operational costs than those in larger metropolitan or rural areas. Expenses such as staffing, building maintenance, transportation, and property overhead often influence pricing. These costs may contribute to variations between funeral homes while supporting the resources and services offered to families.

Facilities, Services, and Personalization

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) requires funeral homes to provide a General Price List (GPL), ensuring families understand their choices and associated costs. Pricing may be higher at funeral homes that maintain on-site crematories, dedicated visitation spaces, or reception facilities requiring additional staff and upkeep. Costs also vary depending on whether a family chooses a traditional funeral, cremation with a service, or direct cremation, as well as options like music, video tributes, flowers, and catering.

Professional Care and Transparency

Behind every funeral or cremation arrangement is a trained team providing preparation, documentation, planning , and ongoing support. The Cremation Association of North America (CANA) notes that professional expertise is a major part of total service value. Families may request GPLs from multiple funeral homes to compare offerings and select the level of care that aligns with their wishes.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do funeral prices vary so much between funeral homes?

Funeral costs often vary due to differences in location, staffing, facilities, and personalization, according to the NFDA.

Are funeral homes required to give me a price list?

Yes. Under the FTC’s Funeral Rule, every funeral home must provide a detailed General Price List (GPL) upon request.

Does preplanning help reduce or manage funeral costs?

Preplanning may help families secure current prices, ensure clarity, and reduce stress during an emotional time.

Written for Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center, proudly serving families in Swartz Creek with compassion and care.

About Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center

Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center, located at 8138 Miller Rd, Swartz Creek, MI 48473 , has long provided dedicated, compassionate care to families in Swartz Creek and the surrounding areas. The funeral home is committed to offering clear guidance, transparent options, and meaningful services tailored to each family’s needs.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

How Much Does Cremation Cost in Swartz Creek, MI?

Fri, 06 Feb 2026 13:00:34 GMT

Summary

• According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the national median cost of a funeral with cremation is $6,280 as of 2025.
• A direct cremation, which does not include a ceremony, typically costs between $2,800 and $3,000.
• Costs vary based on service type, merchandise preferences, and local factors.
• Families in Swartz Creek can choose options that honor their loved one’s wishes.

How Much Does Cremation Cost?

Families in Swartz Creek, MI, often ask how much cremation costs and what influences those costs. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) 2024 General Price List Study, the national median cost of a funeral with cremation is $6,280. This often includes professional services, transportation, and the use of facilities for a memorial or visitation.

A direct cremation, which typically does not include a formal ceremony, generally ranges between $2,800 and $3,000. Even with this simpler option, funeral professionals ensure the process is handled with dignity and respect.

Factors That Influence Cremation Costs

Cremation costs vary based on the type of service chosen, whether a memorial gathering is held, and the merchandise selected. Families may choose an urn or keepsake that reflects their loved one’s wishes.

Local factors also play a role. Funeral homes with on-site crematories or expanded facilities may have different pricing structures due to staffing, maintenance, and community needs. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) requires all funeral homes to provide a General Price List (GPL) to support transparency and help families make informed decisions.

Planning ahead may also help families manage costs and ensure personal preferences are followed.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is cremation typically more affordable than burial?

Cremation often costs less because it usually does not require cemetery property, a burial vault, or a casket, though total costs vary depending on service choices.

Can families still hold a service with cremation?

Yes. Many families in Swartz Creek choose to hold a funeral, memorial, or celebration of life before or after the cremation process.

What does direct cremation usually include?

Direct cremation typically includes transportation, basic professional services, care of the deceased, and the cremation itself.

Written for Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center, proudly serving families in Swartz Creek with compassion and care.

About Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center

Families in Swartz Creek, MI, can turn to Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center for compassionate, professional guidance. Located at 8138 Miller Road, Swartz Creek, MI 48473 , the caring team can be reached at 810-635-4411 to discuss cremation options and preplanning services.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

How Much Does a Funeral Cost in Swartz Creek, Michigan?

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 13:00:13 GMT

Summary

The median cost of a funeral with viewing and burial is about $8,300, according to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA).
The median cost of a funeral with cremation is around $6,280, based on NFDA’s 2024 national study.
Costs vary depending on service choices, merchandise selections, and the level of personalization a family prefers.
Understanding national averages helps families in Swartz Creek make informed decisions when planning a meaningful tribute.

How Much Does a Funeral Cost?

Families in Swartz Creek, Michigan, often wonder what factors influence the cost of a funeral. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the median cost of a funeral with viewing and burial is around $8,300, while a funeral with cremation averages about $6,280. These national numbers, accurate as of 2025, provide helpful context when beginning to plan.

Funeral costs vary because families have different needs, traditions, and expectations. A traditional funeral with a viewing, ceremony, and burial may include several elements that can increase or decrease based on the choices a family makes. A funeral followed by cremation typically includes many of the same professional services but may differ in merchandise or final placement decisions.

Other factors also influence total cost. These may include transportation, use of facilities, the level of personalized service, or the type of gathering a family prefers. NFDA averages provide a helpful starting point, but they do not include cemetery costs, which are typically separate and vary by location.

Most funeral services typically include the professional expertise of the funeral director and staff, use of the funeral home’s facilities for visitations or ceremonies, care of the deceased, and required transportation. Merchandise selections—such as caskets, urns, or memorial items—are chosen based on a loved one’s wishes and a family’s preferences.

Planning ahead can offer peace of mind. When families take time to explore their options and understand the general cost structure, it becomes easier to make thoughtful, meaningful decisions without added stress during a difficult time.

Frequently Asked Questions

What factors influence the total cost of a funeral?

Funeral costs typically depend on the type of service, merchandise selections, and the level of personalization a family chooses.

Are cemetery costs included in national funeral averages?

No. According to the NFDA, cemetery costs—such as plots, markers, or opening and closing fees—are generally not included in the national median funeral cost.

Does choosing cremation always cost less than burial?

Not always. While the median cost for a funeral with cremation is typically lower, the total cost depends on the type of service and merchandise a family selects.

Written for Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center, proudly serving families in Swartz Creek with compassion and care.

About Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center

Families in Swartz Creek, Michigan, can turn to Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center for caring and professional guidance when planning ahead. Located at 8138 Miller Road, Swartz Creek, MI 48473 , their dedicated staff can be reached at 810-635-4411 to answer questions about funeral planning and available options.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What Are Death Certificates for and How Many Do I Need?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Wed, 05 Feb 2025 17:24:03 GMT

Paperwork can be daunting even when you’re in a good mindset, but when you’re in a period of mourning following the death of a loved one, the last thing you want to be doing is filing forms. Unfortunately, when a loved one passes, there’s quite a lot of paperwork to do. But to start, you’ll need to obtain several death certificates. But what are death certificates for, and how many do you need?

What are death certificates for?

Death certificates are official documents that state the date, time, and cause of death. Although the steps to obtaining a death certificate vary by state, one of the simplest ways is by requesting certified copies through your funeral home. Funeral directors are familiar with the process, having done the same for many families they’ve worked with. Otherwise, you can request death certificates through your state or county’s vital records office or a government-endorsed website. Be prepared to show a government-issued ID and additional documentation to prove your relationship to your loved one.

The initial filing for a death certificate starts with a death registration form and must occur within 72 hours of your loved one’s death. Receiving the death certificates may take two to four weeks, and you’ll need several certified copies. But for what exactly do you need death certificates?

Insurance

When your loved one passes away, you’ll need a death certificate to file for life insurance benefits. It’s crucial to try to submit one as early as possible, as you’ll likely want to have these benefits to help you with funeral planning and payment if the funeral was not pre-paid. You’ll also need a death certificate to confirm your loved one’s death with their health insurance company or in order to keep receiving Medicaid benefits. Burial or funeral insurance companies also require a death certificate.

Final Disposition

Whether your loved one is to be cremated or buried, you’ll need a death certificate. A cemetery or crematory will not take care of your loved one’s final disposition without having a death certificate on hand.

Asset Ownership

Typically, a notarized signature is sufficient when an asset, like a house or car, is transferred from one person to another. But because that isn’t possible in the event of a death, a death certificate allows the title to go to a new owner.

Financial Accounts

Before granting anyone access to the decedent’s financial accounts, a bank must be made aware of the death through a death certificate. From stocks to savings accounts, you’ll need enough death certificates to be sure that each of these accounts can be transferred or closed.

Retirement Income Sources

If your loved one had a 401(K) or a pension plan, you’ll likely need a certified copy of a death certificate. Some retirement plans can be transferred to someone else, such as a surviving spouse, so it’s essential to contact the company as soon as possible to see if and how you can change ownership of the assets to you or a loved one.

Ongoing Investigations

If your loved died suspiciously and there’s an ongoing investigation into how they passed, government officials will need a death certificate with the cause of death recorded. Depending on the results of the investigation, the cause of death may be amended.

Final Tax Returns

When a loved one dies, one final year of federal, state, and local taxes must be filed. When you file these taxes, you’ll need to submit a death certificate to ensure that this filing is the last one for your loved one.

How many death certificates do you need?

It’s better to have too many death certificates than too few. Although it’s often recommended that you receive between 10 and 20 certified copies, you may need fewer or more depending on your loved one’s estate. The best option is to become familiar with your loved one’s estate before they pass. You should aim to learn the ins and outs of their financial accounts, retirement income sources, and insurance policies.

The number of each of these accounts and policies will help you discover how many death certificates you need. However, you should not only order the exact number of certified copies required to close or transfer these accounts. You should have between two and three additional death certificates for emergencies and for making photocopies when a certified copy is unnecessary.

Talk to your funeral director if you’re unsure about when and where you need to use a death certificate or how you can obtain enough certified copies. They’ll be able to guide you through the process and ensure that you’re not missing a death certificate for any critical accounts.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What to Do When Someone Dies: What Types of Service Can We Have?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Wed, 05 Feb 2025 17:21:04 GMT

There are many questions to consider when a loved one passes away, but one of the first steps in the funeral planning process is figuring out what types of services you’ll have. But before you can choose your ceremonies, you need to know what they are. Let’s take a look at your many options for celebrating and honoring your loved one.

What types of funeral services can we have?

One of the most common types of funeral service, a traditional funeral, often begins at a funeral home. Your loved one will have been taken care of by the funeral home staff while you work with the funeral director to ensure that the service is befitting of your loved one. On the day of the funeral, family, friends, and other members of the community gather to offer their condolences to the loved one’s surviving family. From there, the funeral celebrant, who may be a religious figure, leads the ceremony. Often, a close friend or family member will give a eulogy, and sometimes, more speeches may be made. The funeral celebrant may lead the funeral-goers in prayer, or certain songs may be sung in honor of the decedent.

A traditional funeral can also occur at a church, synagogue, or other religious location, especially if the decedent was devout in life or if the funeral home does not have a chapel large enough to hold the expected number of funeral-goers. A traditional funeral in a religious building often contains more of a religious service, such as a pastor leading the congregation in prayers or hymns or employing additional customs tied to that specific faith.

Most often, a casket or urn will be present at a traditional funeral containing the loved one. Depending on the family’s wishes, a casket can be open or closed. When a loved one’s final disposition is cremation, the family may choose to hold the cremation either before or after the funeral. Having the decedent cremated after the funeral allows for them to be present for the ceremony, giving family and friends the chance to see them one final time before cremation. Once the ceremony has concluded, a hearse can transport the casket or urn to a gravesite for burial.

If the loved one is to be buried, funeral-goers may follow the hearse in a funeral procession to the gravesite. Before the casket or urn is buried or interred, the funeral celebrant may lead another service known as the committal service, as your loved one will be committed back to the earth. Some families prefer to forgo the traditional funeral and simply have a committal service, which is often very short and less elaborate than a traditional funeral. In this case, family and friends will gather directly at the cemetery, where a funeral celebrant will say a few words, lead a prayer, or read a poem, depending on the family's wishes.

Some families decide to forgo a larger service in favor of a direct burial or direct cremation. With a direct burial, the immediate family is usually present to say their final farewells to their loved one, while additional funeral-goers are not invited to attend. With direct cremation, the family may have a cremation viewing, but ultimately there’s no formal service. Most often, the ashes will be returned to the family, who will decide their final resting place.

What additional services can we have?

In addition to a funeral service, some families opt to host other services that give close friends and family, as well as the greater community, a chance to mourn together. For instance, some families will host a memorial service or celebration of life in addition to a traditional funeral, coming together again once their loved one is in their final resting place. Or they may hold a scattering ceremony if their loved one was cremated. With a scattering ceremony, friends and family join together to watch as their loved one’s cremated remains are spread in a meaningful place, such as at sea or a national park.

But other services can also come before a funeral. A visitation is for families to receive support and condolences from their community. These services are most often held in a funeral home. Generally, the decedent is not present. If they are present, their casket is usually closed. Visitations typically occur in the days leading up to the funeral, where the family will receive guests wishing to pay their respects.

Another service that can come before a funeral is a viewing. For this event, the decedent is present, as the idea is for people to get a chance to say personal goodbyes to their loved one. Viewings are mainly for people who knew the decedent personally, whereas the funeral is a chance for the greater community to say goodbye. Because viewings are meant to be a time to say farewell, they are most often open-casket.

You have many options to celebrate your loved one’s life and honor their memory when they pass, so much so that you may be overwhelmed by your choices. But working with a funeral home ensures you’ll receive guidance on choosing the right ceremonies for your family and your loved one. Funeral home staff are filled with expertise from their years of service supporting families through one of their most difficult times. And they’ll be honored to help you plan a service that’s befitting of your loved one.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What to Do When Someone Dies: Should We Have a Service?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Wed, 05 Feb 2025 17:17:50 GMT

When a loved one passes away, one of the first questions family and friends ask is when the service is. But if you’re in charge of taking care of your loved one after they pass, it’s up to you to decide if you have a service at all. Funerals are very personal events, and some people opt out of having one at all. So, do you have to have a funeral service? And if you don’t have to, should you anyway?

Should I have a funeral service if my loved one died?

There’s no legal requirement to have a funeral when a loved one passes away, but that doesn’t mean that you should forgo this tradition. A funeral service is a way to honor a loved one’s memory and celebrate their life. But a funeral is truly for the living, for all those who remain who will miss that person now that they’re gone. It’s a chance not only to say goodbye but also to find solace in knowing how loved a loved one was.

After the death of a loved one, it’s easy to feel alone. A funeral service helps that loneliness abate. The service gives family and friends a time to be together, share memories and stories, and swap words and actions of comfort. But a funeral service does more than bring together the friends and family of someone who has passed. Funerals bring out entire communities.

These ceremonies remind us just how many people we touch throughout our lifetime. Students who have long since graduated return to say a fond farewell to a teacher who gave them guidance that helped shape their lives. Childhood neighbors come to share memories of the rambunctious kid your loved one once was. Little Leaguers mourn together the loss of a coach who was like another parent to them. The truth is that our loved ones live full lives, and we often aren’t privy to every part of them while they’re alive. Funerals piece together parts of our loved ones, creating a beautiful picture of a life well-lived. That picture provides great comfort in our time of grief.

Funerals are also the start of a healing process. A funeral won’t prevent you from mourning your loss. But having all that community around you and being able to celebrate your loved one can help you begin to feel a little bit lighter. And by planning a funeral, you can also offer that lightness to your family and friends.

If the thought of planning a funeral is overwhelming to you, remember that funeral homes have years of experience creating ceremonies that honor loved ones’ memories. It’s natural to feel many emotions when trying to plan a funeral, but you don’t have to do it alone. A funeral director and their staff will be by your side, working to enact your plans so you can grieve in peace. If the stress of planning a funeral makes you rethink having one, remember that a funeral home will handle the details and ensure the service runs smoothly.

My loved one didn’t want a service. What should I do?

If your loved one informed you before they passed that they didn’t want a funeral service, it’s okay to follow their wishes. A funeral should be about honoring a loved one’s memory, and respecting what they wanted is the best way to honor them. If they didn’t want a funeral, you don’t have to have one.

However, many people expect a funeral to happen when someone passes away. You may want to save yourself from fielding questions from family and friends about when and where the funeral is by letting them know that one will not be occurring. One option is to explicitly state in the obituary that a funeral service will not be happening. Instead, you can direct would-be funeral-goers to somewhere they can donate to in the loved one’s honor. If you’re not printing an obituary, share on social media the news of their passing and that a funeral will not occur. For anyone you don’t believe is accessible on social media, give them a personal phone call, or ask other family members or friends to help you reach everyone.

A funeral is also not the only service available to you to celebrate the life of a loved one. Even if you don’t have a funeral, you can still plan a memorial. A funeral home can help you plan the event, or you can host an event yourself.

Keep in mind that even if you don’t want a traditional funeral, you’ll still likely need the help of a funeral home for your loved one’s disposition. A funeral director will help you plan the burial or cremation, ensuring everything is done according to your and your loved one’s wishes. They’ll take care of the details that would otherwise be difficult for you to do on your own, such as arranging transportation and making sure the correct documents are filed on time. While you work with the funeral director on the disposition, ask for other options for services outside of the funeral itself. Funeral homes have plenty of experience tailoring ceremonies to fit the wishes of a decedent and their family. Even if you don’t want a funeral service, they may have other ways to help you honor your loved one.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

How to Choose a Casket?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Mon, 06 Jan 2025 18:20:29 GMT

For the most part, when a loved one passes away, you’ll need a casket for their burial or at least for their funeral or viewing. But with so many options to choose from, how can you be sure you’re getting one that you need? Here are a few things to consider before deciding on a casket for a loved one.

What to Consider When Choosing a Casket

1. Do you need a casket?

The first thing to consider when choosing a casket is whether or not you’ll be needing one. If you decide to cremate your loved one without holding a funeral with them present, you may not need a casket. But just because your loved one wanted to be cremated doesn’t mean you can’t have a funeral with a viewing. Many funeral homes offer rental caskets for such occasions, so talk to your funeral director about your options if your loved one won’t be buried but you still want a casket for a funeral.

2. What type of material do you want?

Caskets are generally made from wood or metal, and both types range in cost. Some of the most expensive types of wood include mahogany, cherry, and maple, while the least expensive are often pine, poplar, or willow. Wood caskets also are available in a variety of finishes, from gloss to satin. Metal caskets can be made from standard steel, stainless steel, or copper and bronze. While the steel options will eventually rust, bronze and copper have rust-resistant properties. Still, they will ultimately oxidize and break down without rusting.

3. How do you want the casket to be protected?

If you intend to bury a loved one, the cemetery may require the use of a burial vault. A burial vault protects the casket, making it more able to withstand the elements, but it’s also an essential form of protection for the gravesite. Especially if you’re in an area with soft ground, the grave may run the risk of collapsing in. Cemeteries need a lot of heavy machinery, and the cemetery owners need to know that a burial vault is preventing that machinery from causing cave-ins. However, if you choose a metal casket, you also have another option to protect it. A gasketed casket has a seal that helps preserve it. Although it will not indefinitely protect the casket, it does slow the deterioration rate.

4. Do you want a green burial?

More and more people are choosing to go for a more environmentally conscious burial, but what exactly does that entail? For one thing, metal caskets are not allowed, and wooden caskets with metal features are generally also prohibited. If you want a wooden casket for a green burial, you’ll need to use sustainably sourced wood. Many green burial caskets are made from bamboo or willow. However, you have options outside of wood. Some green caskets are built from wool, seagrass, and banana greens. The key is that everything must be biodegradable. You can also choose to forgo the casket entirely and use a burial shroud. Talk to your funeral director to learn more about your options for a green burial.

What should you do if you’re feeling overwhelmed by options?

You may be inclined to simply choose the first casket you see, especially if you’re unsure of the difference between each type. But you should ask your funeral director to show you a variety of casket options. Ask your funeral director the pros and cons of each one and get their opinion. Funeral directors have years of experience helping people plan funerals for loved ones, including picking the right casket. Their expertise is invaluable, so it’s essential that you have some questions in mind when deciding on a casket. Some questions include:

● What is the best casket material for our area’s soil?

● Is a gasketed casket necessary?

● How much more durable is a more expensive wood like mahogany compared to pine?

● Which caskets are biodegradable and useable for a green burial?

● If my loved one is going to be cremated, should I buy or rent a casket?

Choosing a casket can feel overwhelming because you have many different kinds to choose from, and each type has its own benefits and drawbacks. Having the help of a funeral director can mean that your options will be narrowed down to your needs, making you feel more secure in your decision. Be sure to ask questions and get a full idea of what each casket offers before making your choice.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Do I Need a Permanent Place for my Loved One’s Urn?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Mon, 06 Jan 2025 18:18:32 GMT

When a loved one is cremated, many opt for an urn to place their ashes in. But what’s the right thing to do with the urn? Does it need a permanent home? And what can you do to provide it with that home?

Do you need a permanent place for a loved one’s urn?

When you have a loved one’s urn, you may wonder what you can do with it to honor the person you loved and lost properly. But ultimately, the choice is up to you. Some people like the urn to be in their sights, a reminder of their loved one. They may have a special shelf where it sits surrounded by other mementos of their beloved friend or family member. And while that shelf mostly remains where it was originally placed, they may decide that their small memorial belongs in a different part of the house. So, while not exactly a permanent place, it’s still a place where they can honor their loved one’s memory.

But others would prefer if their loved one’s urn were put in a more permanent location, which is understandable as well. Just like how a friend or family member might find comfort in frequenting a gravesite if their loved one were buried, placing an urn in a spot where it won’t be moved means giving people a chance to come and pay their respects to someone they deeply miss. Knowing that your loved one is forever in the same spot, and perhaps in an area that you associate with them or where they’re surrounded by others you’ve loved, can give you and others who miss them some solace.

What are your options for a permanent place for an urn?

One way to create a permanent place for your loved one’s urn is by giving it an urn burial. Some cemeteries have special sections of their grounds where urns can be buried. Just like if your loved one were buried instead of cremated, they could be placed alongside family members in a burial plot.

Another option for a permanent place for an urn is a columbarium. A columbarium is similar to a mausoleum, except they’re made for cremated remains. In this above-ground structure, there are many niches, or wall spaces, where urns can be stored. Like mausoleums, columbariums can be either public or private. You can purchase a private columbarium for your family, but you also have the option of getting a family-sized niche in a public one as well. Each niche includes a memorial plaque, which may contain an epitaph if you so choose.

If your loved one loved nature and the beauty of the natural world, you might consider an option for a permanent place where they can be at one with the world. Through the use of a special biodegradable urn, you can grow a memorial tree in their honor. The urn contains seeds and soil, as well as your loved one’s cremated remains. Once the seeds grow in the soil, the roots will extend into the ashes, where everything mixes together as the tree develops. Just like with an urn burial or a columbarium, you’ll have a place to visit your loved one, but in this case, the tree will mark where their ashes are.

If your loved one enjoyed being at sea, you have a few choices that can honor what made them so happy throughout their life. Off Florida’s coast exists the first underwater mausoleum, where urns can be placed in a permanent location under the sea at Neptune Memorial Reef . Although only one of these forms of mausoleums exists currently, you can also opt for another undersea memorial by using a reef ball burial . You’ll be giving your loved one a permanent place in the ocean, where they’ll be providing a home to creatures displaced by disappearing reefs. Your loved one’s cremated remains will be used to make a structure that mimics a reef, which will become colonized by marine life as time goes on.

You can also choose to scatter your loved one’s ashes, but that doesn’t provide a permanent place for their remains. Although you won’t be able to revisit them, you will still always know that they are simply one with the pieces of the world that they loved in life. Some boating companies will take you out to sea to the distance where it’s legal to scatter ashes. There are even companies that will help you scatter ashes in the air while you’re skydiving. As spreading ashes is a very personal experience, there are many different ways and places you can choose to scatter them.

Whatever method you choose, whether it be scattering a loved one’s ashes or using a burial option, always become familiar with your federal, state, and local laws and regulations first. Although there are some laws that apply to the entire country, your state or county may have more specific restrictions that govern your area. Ask your funeral director for assistance if you’re unsure about how to follow certain regulations.

Whether you choose a more permanent spot or opt to scatter your loved one’s ashes, what matters is how it provides comfort to you when you’re missing them. For some people, that means having a place, like a columbarium, to go when you want to be with your loved one. For others, there’s a comfort in feeling like your loved one is in the water with you every time you feel the ocean wave. Just like any part of funeral planning, the right choice is what feels right for you and the ones you love.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What to Do When Someone Dies: Choosing Disposition

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Mon, 06 Jan 2025 17:52:25 GMT

When planning your own funeral or a funeral for a loved one, one of the most difficult questions can be what disposition to choose. Should you or your loved one be cremated? Or is burial a better option? Here are a few things to keep in mind when making your choice.

Choosing Burial

Burial creates a place for your loved ones to gather to pay their respects. When you’re cremated, your remains may be in an urn that goes to one loved one. Or your ashes may be scattered, with no specific location for friends and family to return to when they’re missing you. A gravesite provides a tangible connection to the world where loved ones can go to remember you. For many people, going to that one place where they feel you are there gives them great comfort. It’s also quite common for families to want to be buried together. There’s a quiet solace in feeling that you will forever be laid to rest with the ones you love. Many significant others will purchase plots together so they can be side by side for eternity.

Anyone can choose burial, but for followers of certain religions, and depending on how strictly they follow that religion, cremation isn’t a consideration. Most practicing Muslims follow the strict rule that cremation is desecration and prohibited. Similarly, Orthodox Jews do not allow cremation and believe that the body should be buried intact.

Even if their religion doesn’t suggest so, some people believe that cremation doesn’t respect the human body. Those who would prefer to be buried often simply don’t like the idea of the cremation process. Since cremation was, for so long, not a preferred way of disposition, some people feel that it’s more traditional to have a funeral and a burial right after. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to follow tradition.

Choosing Cremation

Over the past 65 years, there’s been a 1658.33 percent increase in the number of people choosing cremation . Over 69.5 percent of Americans are expected to choose cremation in 2030. So, why was there such a drastic rise in the cremation rate?

One of the biggest reasons comes down to land scarcity and other environmental concerns. In 2021 alone, over 3.4 million people died in the United States. Although that number is elevated in comparison to previous years due to the COVID-19 pandemic, trends suggest that the U.S. will continue to see over 3 million people die each year. As the U.S. has an aging population, grave scarcity is becoming a concern, and there’s often pushback when it comes to increasing cemetery space .

Another reason for the growing cremation rate is a greater level of acceptance in the process. Historically, strict interpretations of many different religious texts have meant that followers of that religion do not believe in cremation. In Catholicism, cremation was forbidden until 1963 when the Vatican lifted the prohibition. In Jewish law, the human body belongs to God, and therefore cremation is a destruction of property. Still, many Jewish followers opt for cremation in the modern age. As some religions have loosened restrictions or followers have adjusted their interpretation of religious texts, the rate of cremation in the U.S. has skyrocketed.

Cremation also opens the door for many different forms of memorialization. Some people find comfort in the idea of their loved one’s ashes being spread in places that meant a lot to them in life. Many funeral homes and companies will help you spread those cremated remains according to your loved one’s wishes, such as a boating company taking you out to sea to scatter the ashes in the water.

Disposition is a very personal choice, and although there are pros and cons to both burial and cremation, there’s no wrong answer. The answer just has to be right for you and your loved ones. If you know you’re going to be planning a loved one’s funeral and disposition, make time to talk with them before they pass so you’ll make a choice guided by their final wishes. When trying to make this decision for yourself or your loved one, your funeral director will be your greatest resource to answer any questions.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

The Many Details a Funeral Director is Responsible For

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Mon, 06 Jan 2025 17:50:33 GMT

When a loved one passes away, families work with funeral homes to provide care for the deceased and prepare for their services and final disposition. During this difficult time, it takes a caring, guiding hand to ensure everything is in order and celebrates the life of this unique individual. That’s where funeral directors come in. But there’s a lot that a funeral director does that you might not be aware of. Let’s take a look at the many duties a funeral director is responsible for.

What does a funeral director do at a funeral home?

1. Assist families in planning their loved one’s services and disposition.

When you plan a loved one’s services and final disposition, a funeral director will be there to guide you through the process. There are hundreds of crucial decisions to make during this difficult time. Having a knowledgeable professional by your side ensures that you’re well-informed on all of your options and can make the right choices for you and your family.

2. Organize and mentor their staff.

Reaching the position of a funeral director takes years of training and experience in funeral homes. But a funeral director isn’t the only person making sure that funerals run smoothly. Many funeral directors rely on the help of funeral assistants. With the guidance of a funeral director, these assistants set up rooms for services, prepare caskets for transport, and do what they can to ensure that every ceremony is well-organized and adequately honors your loved one.

3. Ensure that paperwork is properly filed.

One of the things we don’t often think about when a loved one passes away is what we need to file with the local and federal governments to fulfill their plans. For instance, you’ll need a death certificate and a permit for cremation if cremation was what your loved one wanted. But we don’t often have to think about these crucial forms because a funeral director ensures that every document is filled out correctly and goes to the right places.

4. Embalm or organize the process for embalming.

A funeral director is oftentimes a licensed embalmer in many funeral homes. That means that they will be the ones to prepare your loved one for their funeral or viewing. However, if the funeral home employs additional embalmers, the funeral director is the one organizing the process, ensuring that everything is done promptly and respectfully. If the funeral director won’t be doing the embalming themselves, they are often the liaison between the embalmer and the decedent's family. They will collect the clothing and other accessories that the family wants their loved one to wear on the day of the funeral or be buried with, making sure that the decedent is correctly attired according to the family’s wishes. Should the funeral home also utilize the help of a mortuary cosmetologist, the funeral director will also organize when they come to prepare the loved one.

5. Arrange the transportation of the decedent.

When someone passes away, a funeral director is the one to take the decedent into the funeral home’s care. They must organize transportation to bring them to the funeral home, and once that happens, they have many more arrangements to make. The funeral director will manage the funeral procession and coordinate transport for the decedent to reach their burial or cremation site, as well as ensure that, if they were cremated, their remains are delivered back to the care of their family.

6. Ensure that the burial or cremation site is prepared for the decedent.

It’s crucial that a funeral director coordinates with the burial or cremation site. Following the funeral, the cemetery must be open to receive the decedent for burial. In the case of cremation, the funeral director will schedule it with a local crematory if the funeral home does not have its own crematory.

7. Provide aftercare or grief support to a loved one’s family.

Funeral directors understand that grief does not end with a funeral. Especially for funeral homes where they may be the only ones in town, funeral directors have deep ties to their community and are often looked at as community figures. They do not take the title lightly. They desire to serve their community, which can be shown in how they provide aftercare to families in mourning. Even when the funeral ends, a funeral director’s work with a decedent’s family doesn’t.

Funeral directors do what they do because they are community-driven individuals who want to provide a place for families in mourning to celebrate their loved one. They spend years training to be a resource and a guide for these families. When you work with a funeral director, you know that you’ll have someone handling the details of the day, allowing you to simply grieve in peace.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What Can You Do Before Someone Passes?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:59:07 GMT

Knowing that a loved one will soon pass away causes a wealth of emotions and racing thoughts. What can you do for them to make their final days easier? Here are a few ways to help your loved one prepare for their last days, as well as what you should do to ensure that you’re taking care of yourself.

What can you do for them?

1. Talk about what they want in their funeral and disposition early.

You might not always have a warning when someone in your life is about to pass away. But when you do, be sure to talk about what they want in their funeral and disposition while they’re in a good headspace and still able to speak. It can be hard to think about what comes next after a loss, but in order to honor their final wishes, you need to be aware of what those wishes are. Talk to them about any plans that they’ve made and ensure you have access to any documents that list what they would like to happen.

2. Talk with them or to them.

When your loved one is nearer to passing, it’s time to focus on their care to ensure their last days are happy and comfortable. While they are still able, talk with your loved one. The end of life can be a lonely time, so focus on the happy memories you’ve shared together. Bring photo albums and other mementos to trigger memories. If your loved one is struggling to speak or remember those moments in life, it’s okay to simply talk to them rather than with them. Hearing your voice can be a great comfort, and it’s important not to try to push your loved one to expend too much energy. Simply sitting by their side and speaking, whether it be about your day or a memory you shared many years ago, can provide them some cheer.

3. Touch them if they are physically able to be touched.

Physical touch is how many people show and receive love. Find ways to incorporate touch into your visits with your loved one. That may mean brushing their hair or rubbing their back, but be sure that the method that you choose is not painful. If your loved one is frail and can’t be touched much, holding their hand may be a safer option.

4. Create a quiet but familiar environment.

Loud noises can often be unpleasant to those who are near to passing away, so avoid any sudden sounds, like a telephone ring or a shout from a television. But if there’s a type of music or a movie that was beloved throughout their life, play it for them, being conscious of the volume level. Soft background music, in particular, has been found to relax people in their final days. However, if you see any signs of discomfort while the music or movie is playing, they may prefer silence instead.

What can you do for yourself?

1. Speak with a funeral director.

You may think it’s best to wait until your loved one has passed to begin working with a funeral home to prepare their funeral. However, funeral directors have years of experience caring for families whose loved ones have passed away. A funeral director is more than someone who organizes funerals. They are a resource for those coping with grief. They can gently guide you through the funeral planning process and offer additional support during this difficult time.

2. Surround yourself with friends and family.

When someone important to you is passing away, grief and stress can sometimes cause isolation. Especially when you know that someone is about to pass on, you’re aware that the mourning is only beginning. And that can feel very overwhelming. Lean on your support network and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You have people who love you, and they want to be there for you, just like you want to be there for your loved one in their final days.

3. Be patient with yourself.

Grief does not begin with the passing of a loved one. It can start much earlier, especially when you know that their passing is coming. Grief can cause irritability, numbness, and detachment, so you may not feel like yourself when you’re in a period of mourning. Just as you would be patient with a friend who is not acting like themselves because of grief, be understanding with yourself. You may find that speaking with a therapist or another mental health professional is essential to help you cope with how you’re feeling.

4. Say goodbye.

When a loved one passes away unexpectedly, people often wish they had a chance to say goodbye. But in this case, you know that your loved one will be gone soon. We all wish we had more time with the ones we love, but at the very least, now you have the opportunity to say the things you want to say to them. Tell them you love them. Tell them you’ll miss them. Let them know how much they mean to you. You’ll still mourn them when they’re gone, but at least you’ll know that they passed away with one of the last things they heard being that you love them.

When a loved one is soon to pass away, one of the best things that you can do is be there for them. Visit them often, providing them with a familiar face, comforting voice, and loving touch. But as you take care of them and their final affairs, don’t forget to take care of yourself. The last days of your loved one’s life are the start of a period of mourning. Lean on your friends, family, and funeral director, who all want to support you through this challenging time.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Veterans: Is My Funeral Paid For?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:56:19 GMT

When it comes to a veteran’s funeral, it’s important for their families to understand what the military will pay for. There’s no way to repay the debt that a veteran has paid to our country, but there are some elements that the military covers for a veteran’s funeral and final disposition. So, what help can you as a veteran expect to receive for your funeral? As long as you meet specific criteria, your family can expect some help when the day of your funeral arrives.

Do veterans have to pay for their funerals?

In general, the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) may help you with your burial, and there are a few benefits for veterans to help with the funeral costs. The benefits that you can get are only eligible if you received at least an “ other-than-dishonorable ” discharge. Veterans will need to acquire their DD214 and other military service records to show their status and receive burial benefits . Veterans can be buried for free in national VA cemeteries. To be buried there, you must submit a pre-need determination of eligibility application . But there isn’t a guarantee that you’ll be accepted, as space is limited, and the VA receives a large number of applications. Many states have their own veteran cemeteries, but the requirements are often the same as a federal VA cemetery.

Your family may still be entitled to benefits if you decide to be buried in a civilian cemetery. They could apply to receive a burial allowance if you met certain criteria. You must meet one of the following conditions:

● Died because of a service-related disability

● Was receiving a VA pension or other compensation

● Was entitled to a VA pension or compensation but decided to receive full military retirement or disability pay

● Died in a VA facility or a non-VA facility under a VA contract

● Died while traveling at VA expense to or from a specified place for care

● Had an original or reopened claim for VA compensation or pension pending at the time of death and would have been entitled to benefits prior to the date of death

The amount you’ll receive changes yearly, but it typically doesn’t cover the total cost of a burial. The VA will pay more if the death is service-oriented. However, there are three cases in which a family will not be entitled to a burial allowance : if the decedent was on active duty, serving as a member of Congress, or serving a federal prison sentence. In addition to the burial allowance, the Social Security Administration will also pay a small death benefit to your family.

One thing that is always free for veterans is having military funeral honors. By law, every eligible veteran can receive a military funeral honors ceremony . This ceremony consists of uniformed military persons, with at least one being from the veteran’s parent service of the armed forces. It includes the folding and presenting of the United States burial flag and the playing of “Taps.” However, your family must request the flag and the ceremony in advance. To receive a burial flag, you must fill out an “ Application for United States Flag for Burial Purposes .”

The ceremony, which the Department of Defense organizes through a program called “Honoring Those Who Served,” can be arranged with the help of a funeral director if you’re being buried in a civilian cemetery. If you’re being buried in a VA cemetery, the Department of Veterans Affairs Cemetery Administration cemetery staff will be able to help, but a funeral home can also assist in this case.

Neither the VA nor individual branches of the military will pay for the cost of a casket unless the soldier dies while on active duty. However, the VA will provide an upright headstone or flat marker for any eligible veteran. These can be given regardless of whether the veteran is buried in a civilian or a VA cemetery.

Veterans who were honorably discharged can also opt for a burial at sea, which is free of charge. However, your family will not be allowed to attend this service. The Navy will choose the date and time of the ceremony. Both cremated and non-cremated remains are allowed to be buried at sea. If non-cremated remains are buried at sea, a casket must be prepared by the Navy’s guidelines, and a funeral director must transport you to the burial at your family’s expense.

As you plan your funeral and final disposition, talk to your funeral home about their offerings for veterans. Your funeral director can also help you or your loved ones fill out any necessary paperwork to request a burial allowance, burial flag, or military funeral honors ceremony.

Although veterans’ funerals are not fully paid for, there are some aspects of the burial and funeral that the VA will contribute to. If you’re unsure of what’s being covered, talk to your funeral director, and they’ll walk you through your options and how to request assistance.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What to Do First When Someone Dies

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:47:48 GMT

Whether your loved one’s death was expected or sudden, no loss is easy. From the moment your loved one passes, you may feel overwhelmed not only by emotion but also by everything that must be done to take care of them. What should you do right after a loved one passes? Here are your five first steps.

What to Do First When Someone Dies

1. Contact a funeral home.

If you know the funeral home that your loved one wanted to use, contact them for assistance as soon as you can. If not, check if they’ve declared any final wishes in their medical or legal documents. Your loved one may have preplanned their funeral and disposition with a funeral home, or they may have at least declared which funeral home they want to use and if they’d like to be buried or cremated.

If your loved one did not preplan, contact a local funeral home that you believe would be a good fit for your loved one’s care. You want to recruit the help of a funeral director soon after your loved one passes because they will be able to assist you through many of the first steps regarding your loved one’s after-life care.

2. Get a legal pronouncement of death.

When a loved one passes, one of the first things that you should do is get a legal pronouncement of death made by someone of authority. This person may be your loved one’s doctor or their hospice nurse. The individual will then fill out forms certifying the cause, time, and place of death. The reason why this action must be taken immediately after death is that you’ll need this legal pronouncement in order to receive a death certificate later on.

When someone is pronounced dead, they’re registered with the local or state vital records office. When you need a death certificate, you’ll have to contact those offices to get certified copies of a death certificate. Having several certified copies is essential, as you’ll need proof of your loved one’s death to handle many processes, including organizing their cremation or burial, filing a life insurance claim, and transferring their assets to a living individual. You may need 10 or more death certificates for all of the after-life processes, which means that if you do not get a legal pronouncement of death in a timely manner, you may find yourself being delayed from the next steps you need to take in caring for your loved one and their estate. A funeral director will be able to help you file the proper paperwork and ensure that you have all the documents you need.

3. Check if your loved one was an organ donor.

Organ donation is time-sensitive. Each organ that can potentially be donated only has a short window of time to be viable after death . The heart is only able to be donated for four to six hours after death, while the kidneys may be viable for up to 36 hours. It’s crucial to act quickly to make sure that your loved one’s organs can be used for life-saving procedures.

If you did not talk to your loved one about whether or not they were an organ donor, check their driver’s license. Their choice will be marked there. If they did not have a driver’s license, this decision may be indicated in their advance directive. Once you know that your loved one wanted to be an organ donor, alert the hospital staff. If your loved one passed at home, call a local hospital so that they can begin arranging transportation.

In most cases, if your loved one was not in a hospital when they died, organ donation will not be possible. Vital organs cannot survive very long once oxygen stops flowing through the body. However, tissue and eye donation may still be an option because they remain viable for several hours without oxygen. So, even if your loved one passed at home, it’s still worth calling the hospital and seeing if they can donate.

4. Begin contacting family and friends.

You should tell close family and friends that their loved one has died soon after the death occurs. Although it’s often recommended that you tell them in person, it’s likely that doing so will be exceedingly difficult, especially if those family and friends live in different places. So, most likely, you’ll be making several phone calls to break the news. There’s no easy way to say something so challenging, but it’s best to say it outright. Don’t talk about other matters before you tell them their loved one died, and don’t use euphemisms when you tell them the news. It’s best if there’s no question of what you’re trying to say to them.

Your loved one likely had many people who loved them too, which means that you may be making several phone calls. Losing a loved one may trigger feelings of shock in the days following the death, or you may immediately enter a state of grief. Either way, it’s essential that you don’t neglect taking care of yourself. Having to make so many difficult calls can be taxing, so recruit family and friends to help you make additional calls once they’ve been alerted to what’s happened. Your loved ones will understand that you need the assistance and want to support you, so don’t hesitate to ask. You should also ask someone nearby if they can help to quickly take care of your loved one’s dependents and property. If your loved one was caring for a person or a pet, arrange for their temporary care while you make a long-term plan for them. It’s also a good idea to ask someone to check on the loved one’s home to be sure it’s secured as it may sit vacant for some time.

5. Arrange your loved one’s transportation.

One of the final steps that must be done quickly after a loved one’s death is arranging their transportation. Transportation can be arranged with your loved one’s funeral home. They will take your loved one into their care and begin preparing them for their services and disposition.

Once you know your loved one is safe in the funeral home’s care, you can begin the process of planning for their funeral and final disposition. Beginning to arrange a funeral starts with contacting your funeral director and discussing your options. If your loved one preplanned their funeral, the funeral director will help you make those plans come to fruition. If not, they can guide you through arranging a funeral and disposition that’s right for your loved one.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What Are Funeral Directors Like?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:42:31 GMT

Often considered the face of a funeral home, a funeral director serves a vital purpose in the funeral planning process. What exactly does a funeral director do, and what are they like? Here’s what to know about funeral directors before you meet one to plan your loved one’s funeral.

What do funeral directors do?

When a loved one dies, the person you’ll be speaking to about funeral arrangements is a funeral director. Although many different people will help you on the day of the event, a funeral director oversees all of those other roles. When you first visit a funeral home after the death of a loved one, a funeral director will provide care and support, gently walking you through your options for services and disposition. Your loved one may have previously met with them to discuss the plans that they wanted for their funeral, or you may be the one making those plans yourself.

On the day of the funeral, the funeral director will have enacted your or your loved one’s plans to ensure that the service is smooth and well organized. They will have arranged with the cemetery to have the facilities open for your loved one’s burial, or they will have coordinated with a crematory for their cremation. They’ll also have organized the pallbearers, clergy, and other important figures in the funeral process so that everyone knows where they have to be and what they have to be doing at any moment.

However, there are several aspects of a funeral director’s job that you may not be as privy to, such as overseeing the embalming process or scheduling the transportation for your loved one to and from the funeral home. They also have to handle time-sensitive paperwork for government agencies. Each state has different laws regarding the care for your loved one, such as how long the waiting period is before cremation and what documents are needed before disposition can happen. It’s the funeral director’s job to be sure that none of these essential rules and restrictions are overlooked.

What are funeral directors like?

Considering the crucial role funeral directors play in planning a day that can be very hard on families, funeral directors have to be guided by a desire to provide care in a gentle, compassionate way. They have a deep understanding of grief, but they also know that grief is a very personal feeling. They must be good listeners who respect the emotions of the families they’re working with. They are empathetic and eager to be of service.

It’s often said that careers are either right-brained or left-brained, which is to say that they are either guided by logic and analytics or creativity and emotions. But for a career as a funeral director, one must be able to use both sides. Funeral directors are outside-of-the-box thinkers, always willing to go the extra mile to plan events that are befitting of the person who passed. At the same time, they must be logical about what they can accomplish, especially when there’s little time for planning. A funeral happens once, so it’s vital that the ceremony is well organized. When a funeral director plans a funeral, they want the loved one’s family not to have to worry about anything. Their goal is for the family to be able to grieve in peace and spend their time surrounded by people who cared for their loved one rather than thinking about the details of the ceremony.

Funeral directors must also be logical regarding the laws that guide the funeral profession. Funeral directors contain a wealth of knowledge from their years of experience, and a part of that knowledge is knowing how to operate within their state’s funeral laws. They thoroughly understand not only the laws but why they exist. Although they are guided by a desire to create a funeral tailored to each individual who the funeral home is honored to care for, a funeral director knows how to make sure that the funeral is done within the bounds of the law.

For many funeral directors, what they love most about their job is that they get to serve their community. Funeral directors, just like many people in the funeral profession, are community-driven. Especially for staff in funeral homes where they may be the only funeral home in town, they have a close relationship with their neighbors. Some funeral directors have been serving the same families for decades, creating a close bond with each generation. Funeral directors are often considered community figures, a title they wear with honor.

It takes a particular person to be a funeral director, so when you plan a funeral with one, you know that you have someone in your corner who wants to provide the best care possible. They are eager for your questions and want to offer support in any way they can. Working with a funeral director means that the day of the funeral will be taken care of, giving you peace of mind and the ability to focus on just celebrating your loved one without worry.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Who Pays for Funerals that Aren’t Pre-Planned?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:38:24 GMT

When it comes to paying for funerals, there’s often a lot of confusion around who is responsible for covering the costs. The answer can be a bit complicated. When your loved one did not do any pre-planning for their funeral, who pays for the service and disposition?

Who pays for funerals that aren’t pre-planned?

First, it’s essential to understand that pre-planning doesn’t necessarily mean that a funeral is already paid for. Funeral homes offer people the ability to plan for their funerals without them paying for those plans in advance. It’s possible that your loved one pre-planned without pre-paying, which is a gift in itself. Whether your loved one planned but didn’t pay or if they didn’t plan at all, the financial burden typically falls to the same place.

The only person legally responsible for paying for a funeral is the person who signed the contract with the funeral home. In most cases, the funeral cost will come from the decedent’s estate. Their savings, property, and other assets will be used to cover the cost. But if the assets are not enough to pay the full price, the expenses fall to the executor of the decedent’s estate, as designated in their will. Most often, the executor is a spouse or another close relative. If there’s no executor in the will, a probate court will appoint someone, usually the closest living relative.

While, legally, the only person responsible at this point is the executor, they may need financial assistance. If there were no pre-paid accounts or insurances, the executor would have to find a way to pay themselves. If there is insufficient money in the decedent’s assets, the executor will turn to other sources to help them. Immediate and extended family often will pay what they can, but the executor still may need additional help.

It’s not uncommon for a funeral to cost upwards of $7,000 , which may be a high price for the average family. Some executors may take out a funeral loan to help cover the cost, but that might not be an option for a variety of reasons. Another way to pay for funerals is by resorting to crowdfunding. Using sites like GoFundMe allows more people to offer their assistance, even people you might not have known that your loved one knew. GoFundMe pages can be shared online, and those campaigns can spread farther than you may think. Talk to your funeral director to learn if the funeral home offers a crowdfunding platform.

But what should you do if there’s still just simply not enough money to cover the cost of a funeral? You can contact funeral assistance programs to help. Local and national charities exist to help with unexpected funeral costs. You also may be able to receive some assistance from the government. The Social Security Administration provides a small one-time death benefit to a surviving spouse or child. If your loved one passed as a result of a natural disaster, the Federal Emergency Management Agency may be able to help.

How can you plan ahead?

If you don’t pre-plan your funeral, your family will be the ones to make the decisions regarding your funeral and disposition. And if you don’t plan ahead for payment options, it’ll be up to the executor in your will to figure out how to cover expenses, which means that your family will likely end up paying however they can. But you have many options to pay into your funeral expenses ahead of time, saving your family from the financial burden.

One option is using insurance. Although many people think that their life insurance policy is enough to cover all of their final expenses, this is often not the case, and families end up paying for funerals out of pocket instead. With pre-need insurance , you’ll work with your chosen funeral home to decide on all the details of your funeral and disposition. From there, you’ll essentially pre-pay for the funeral of your choice. When you pass, the insurance will pay out to the funeral home, and they’ll enact your plans. When you purchase pre-need insurance, the funeral home will usually offer you a variety of payment plans to choose from, including the option to pay for the funeral in full.

Pre-need insurance is usually transferable or adjustable, if the need for changes arises. The beneficiary of pre-need insurance is always the funeral home because they are obligated to provide the goods and services agreed to by the decedent. Those funds ensure that the funeral that was planned is the funeral that is held. Final expense insurance is an option that pays out the death benefit to whomever you designate. That person will then have the ability to use the money to pay for the funeral, but it often ends up being used for other end-of-life costs, like medical debt.

If you so choose, you can name the funeral home as the beneficiary of final expense insurance as well. Doing so is called making an assignment. When you make an assignment, the death benefit will go to the funeral home to pay for the cost of the funeral and disposition. But after those have been paid off, the remaining funds will go to your family. Although uncommon, some people may not qualify for final expense insurance due to a terminal illness, in which case, pre-need insurance may be the best option, as everyone is eligible for it regardless of health condition.

However, you may decide to forgo the insurance route. You could instead set up a trust or a payable on death account. In fact, in some states, because the law prevents pre-need insurance, a trust or payable on death account may be your primary option. For a funeral trust, you’ll work with a funeral home to set one up. You’ll then begin paying into the account for the funeral home to access when it’s time to have your funeral. Like pre-need insurance, a funeral trust’s beneficiary is the funeral home. If you decide to go with a payable on death account, you’ll set one up with your bank instead of the funeral home. As the name implies, the account becomes payable to the person of your choosing in the event of your death.

Planning ahead and paying ahead can save your family from future stress and financial burden. When you pay in advance, your family will know exactly what you wanted in your funeral, saving them from the worry of wondering if they’re paying for the right things later on. You have many options when it comes to pre-paying for your funeral. Talk to your funeral director about how you can pay for your funeral in advance. However you choose to pay for your funeral now, you’ll be helping your family later.

If you’ll end up being an executor yourself, be sure that you know your loved one’s payment plans. Talk to them about the accounts, trusts, and insurances they’ve taken out, and be sure that you know how to access them when the time comes.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

When Does Cremation Take Place? Before the Service?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:33:01 GMT

When a loved one dies, one of the first decisions that must be made is whether they will be buried or cremated. For some people, the loved one has already made that choice, but sometimes the decision falls to the family. If you or your loved one chooses to be cremated, the next step is deciding at what point the cremation should occur. Does cremation have to happen after a funeral? Or should it happen before?

When does cremation happen?

Whether cremation happens before or after a funeral is up to the decedent and their family. Cremation typically occurs between 2 to 15 days after someone has passed. For a cremation to happen, it must be authorized by the next-of-kin through what is known as a Cremation Authorization Form. In addition to the authorization form, the death certificate must also have been filed.

After the death certificate and authorization form have been properly filled out, the county will issue a permit allowing the funeral home or crematory to cremate your loved one. But every state has different laws regarding when that permit can be issued. For most states, 24 hours must have passed between the death and when the cremation is to happen. However, some states have a 48-hour waiting period instead. Your funeral home will be aware of these restrictions and plan accordingly, but it’s essential that you know that this waiting period may delay cremation.

If you plan to cremate your loved one before having a funeral, you may opt for direct cremation. In this case, a service is not included. Your loved one will be brought into the funeral home’s care, where they will be cremated as soon as possible and returned to you for you to decide on the next steps. At that point, you may choose to begin planning a funeral, or you may opt to forgo the ceremony for the time being and hold a memorial service after some time has passed.

You can also work with a funeral home to plan a cremation with a memorial service right away. In the event of a cremation with a memorial service, your loved one will be cremated as soon as they can be, and the funeral home will work with you to plan an event to celebrate the life of your loved one following the cremation. Most often, your loved one’s ashes will be at the memorial service, but that decision is up to you.

If you plan a cremation with a traditional service, your loved one won’t be cremated until after their funeral. Just as a funeral home would do for any traditional service, your loved one will be taken care of by the funeral home while you plan the funeral. Your decision to cremate will not change the ceremony in any way. You can still opt for an open or closed casket, hold viewings or visitations, and celebrate your loved one’s life at their funeral in the way you’d like. The only difference between a cremation with a traditional service and a burial with a traditional service is that your loved one will be brought to a crematory after their funeral, rather than a cemetery.

Depending on your state’s laws, your loved one may need to be embalmed or refrigerated in order to be preserved for their funeral, as well as any additional ceremonies, like a viewing. In the case of direct cremation or cremation with a memorial service, embalming is typically not necessary. However, your loved one may have to be refrigerated while they wait to be cremated.

What would delay cremation?

In addition to the waiting period between death and cremation, other events may delay cremation. Of course, if you opt to have a funeral before cremation, your loved one’s cremation will not occur until the funeral ends, which may be a week or more after their death. But a death certificate may also delay when cremation can happen.

For a death certificate to be signed, the cause of death must be understood. If your loved one had been ill for some time and had been regularly seeing a doctor or had been in hospice, their cause of death will likely be understood. For others who passed suddenly, the cause of death would be less straightforward. A post-mortem examination may have to occur in order for the death certificate to be signed. A cremation permit can only be issued once the death certificate is completed and filed.

If you’re worried about the timeline for your loved one’s cremation, talk to your funeral director about your concerns and their recommendations for funeral preparations. Funerals, as well as cremations, are very personal events, and your funeral director has worked with many families throughout their loved one’s disposition. They’ll be able to guide you through your decisions for your loved one’s cremation and funeral service.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

How To Drive in a Funeral Procession

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:29:10 GMT

When traveling from the funeral home to the burial site, close family and friends often journey in a funeral procession. While that can mean that they’re in limousines for the duration of their trip, sometimes they drive themselves, as well as others who were close to the decedent. But driving in a funeral procession isn’t like going to work. Some guidelines should be followed to ensure that everyone arrives at the burial site safely and on time. Here are a few things you should know before attempting to drive in a funeral procession.

Tips on How to Drive in a Funeral Procession

1. Always check with the funeral director regarding your route.

If you’re not in the lead car, there’s less pressure on you to know the route before starting the procession. But it’s still a good idea to have an idea of where you’re going and how to get there before the day of the funeral. Always check with the funeral director ahead of the funeral to ask about the route. If you have time, try driving the route yourself so you’re used to it by the time the funeral arrives. Funerals can be a stressful time, and not knowing where you’re going can only add to that stress. Although other drivers on the road are supposed to give you the right of way and never cut a funeral procession off, sometimes mistakes happen. In case you get separated from the lead car, you should feel confident that you can still follow the route yourself.

2. Arrive at the funeral early.

When you arrive early to the funeral, you’ll have time to get essential instructions from the funeral director, such as the order of the vehicles, who may be riding with you, and any changes that may have been made. It also gives you time to ensure that your car is ready for the drive. Funeral attendants will usually be available in the parking lot to tell you where to park your vehicle so it’s in the right place in the procession.

3. Be sure your car is properly marked as a part of a funeral procession.

If you’re driving in a funeral procession, the other drivers on the road must be made aware. All cars in a procession should have their headlights on, and there may also be a flag you’ll need to put on your hood. If you’re in the last car, you may have to put on two or more flags, and you should have your hazards on. Always check with the funeral director to ensure your car is prepared for the procession.

4. Be familiar with funeral procession laws in your state and county.

When in doubt, check with the funeral director about any special actions you can take in a funeral procession . In most states, once the lead car goes through an intersection, all vehicles in the procession can follow, even if the light has already changed to red. However, in other states, the whole procession can go through an intersection as long as their police escort directs them through it. If you’re not sure what the rules are for driving in a funeral procession, especially in regards to what to do at an intersection, your funeral director, who has years of practice navigating these laws, should be able to tell you. And remember, you still must yield for emergency vehicles.

5. Follow the lead car from a close but safe distance.

To avoid potentially being split up, you should follow closely behind the car in front of you. Do not allow room for another vehicle to merge between you and the car ahead of you. However, be sure that there’s enough distance between each vehicle for braking in case there’s a sudden stop. Generally, you’ll be driving fairly slowly. Funeral processions usually travel below the speed limit. You’ll likely be going between 25 and 35 mph on side roads, and on highways, you can expect to stay under 50 mph. When traveling through an intersection, the lead car will have to slow down, so be prepared to brake when approaching that intersection.

6. Do not break from the procession.

Unless there is an emergency in your vehicle, do not leave the funeral procession. It’s crucial that a funeral procession stays together, so no detours or allowing another car to merge in front of you. Once you arrive at the cemetery, an attendant will direct you to where to park your vehicle and lead the procession to the gravesite.

Driving in a funeral procession can be difficult. You’re already feeling grief from losing a loved one, and that grief can make this trip feel much more stressful. So it’s best to be prepared for your route and follow all instructions from your funeral director. They’ve directed many processions before, and they’re prepared to ensure that yours goes smoothly and safely.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Mother’s Day

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:22:51 GMT

Mother’s Day is celebrated in 40 countries around the world. But, getting it started was not a slam dunk. Having a day just for moms was the brainchild of one Anna Jarvis, an American peace activist. When Anna’s mother died in 1905, she began lobbying the United States Congress to designate a single day as Mother’s Day. Although she was never successful with Congress, by 1911 all the states in the United States had embraced the concept of Mother’s Day. Finally, in 1914 Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation making the second Sunday in May officially Mother’s Day.

There are as many ways of celebrating Mother’s Day as there are mothers. Mothers are notoriously known to sidestep any efforts to get them to tell their child how they would like to celebrate their day. It’s not unusual to hear things like “oh just” or “don’t make a fuss” when you ask a mother how she’d like to celebrate her day. Sometimes it might be best for the child to use their powers of observation and recollection to figure out a fitting surprise celebration.

What does she like to do? Perhaps a day relieved of meal preparation duties would be appreciated? If you decide to take mom out to dinner, think about where your mother would like to eat as opposed to where would you like to take her. Is your mother into adventure eating or is it you who wants her to try Tagine? Just take some time to figure out what she might like. If you are stuck call her best friend and ask for suggestions. Try your best to make Mother’s Day all about mom.

Gifts are another opportunity to surprise your mother. What does she enjoy doing? Is your mother a gardener, an artist, a gourmet cook, an exercise enthusiast? Consider a gift or gift card that supports her interests.

Don’t underestimate the gift of time. Not every gift needs to break the bank. Time together like taking a walk, sharing an activity, or just talking is a wonderful gift. Consider giving your mother “service time” (washing windows, weeding a flower bed, or painting a room). Helping with something she would like to get done—but might be a stretch for her to do herself—really is priceless.

For those who have lost their mother, the second Sunday in May is an opportunity to remember her. Perhaps you will call your siblings and take a walk down memory lane. Think about what she did for you, how she shaped your life, how she handled the hard times and the good times.

“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” —Tenneva Jordan

“All that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” —Abraham Lincoln

“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.”- Sophia Loren

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Why Do People Pull Over for Funeral Processions?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:17:11 GMT

When you see a funeral procession, what should you do as another driver on the road? Since funeral processions have gone from an on-foot endeavor to a parade of motorized vehicles, other drivers have adopted the tradition of pulling over and letting the procession pass unimpeded. But more recently, we’ve been seeing this practice become a thing of the past. So, why do people pull over for funeral processions? And do you actually have to pull over?

Do you have to pull over for funeral processions?

Legally, no law requires other drivers to pull all the way over for a funeral procession in the United States. But there’s some trickiness around what you should do when approaching a funeral procession. There are laws around funeral processions in most states , but these laws vary, which can cause drivers some trouble. Many states have laws that give the funeral procession the right of way. So, while a driver may not have to fully pull over, they do have to yield to the procession, and they mustn’t attempt to drive through it and break it up.

Most other laws around funeral processions don’t have to do with other drivers on the road. They have to do with the people driving in the procession. To avoid breaking up these vehicles, some states allow drivers to go through a red light or a stop sign if the lead car in the group has already gone through it. Other states allow a funeral procession to go through a traffic signal altogether, as long as a police escort vehicle is there to direct them.

Why should you pull over for a funeral procession?

Although you may not have to pull over for a funeral procession due to any laws, that doesn’t mean that it’s not your best option when you approach one. Unfortunately, crashes do happen when other drivers on the road are unaware of what a funeral procession is allowed to do or what they are not allowed to do around funeral processions. Some funeral directors say that drivers used to be more aware of funeral processions, but the tradition of pulling over for one has gone by the wayside.

As such, we’ve seen a rise in funeral procession-related accidents, with these crashes often occurring because another car attempted to enter the line of mourners’ vehicles or tried to pass them. And because every state has different laws about how funeral processions can enter intersections, these areas are also a common sight of accidents.

When you don’t pull over for a funeral procession, you’re running the risk of causing a crash, which can turn an already difficult day into a nightmare for the mourners in those vehicles. By pulling over, you’re removing the potential for harm, allowing them to continue their day of celebrating their loved one without a crash making it worse. It’s safer for you and any other driver on the road, including those in the procession, if you pull over. But it’s also simply an act of respect to pull over when you see a funeral procession.

When you see a funeral procession, you don’t know who passed, but you do know that someone did. And you know that the people in those vehicles are grieving the life of someone who mattered to them. By allowing them to pass without you interfering at all, you’re essentially acknowledging their grief. Like how you’d take off a hat and hold it to your chest as a sign of respect during any burial, you’re showing respect by pulling over to the side and letting a funeral procession pass unhindered.

Pulling over for a funeral procession was once viewed as an essential tradition, but that practice has become less common, to the detriment of mourners and other drivers on the road. When we pull over, we’re removing ourselves from a potentially hazardous situation, but we’re also showing respect to a group of people who may be having one of the most challenging days of their lives. Driving in a funeral procession can be stressful, but we can make it easier for them by pulling over and letting them pass us all together.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Preparing for a Funeral: Clothing and Accessories

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:08:25 GMT

When you plan a funeral, what kinds of clothes and accessories should you give to your funeral director to dress your loved one? Although you might have a picture of what someone is supposed to look like at their funeral, any person’s funeral is specific to them. As such, there’s no specific rule that states what kind of clothes someone has to be in at their own funeral. But there are a few guidelines to consider.

What kinds of clothes should you dress your loved one in?

Historically, a traditional funeral was considered a semi-formal affair, and as such, many people opted to dress their loved ones in semi-formal attire. This often means dresses and suits. However, this practice has greatly changed over the years. More people have moved away from semi-formal attire to more casual clothing. Many families take clothing out of their loved one’s closets for the funeral and burial. By picking clothing this way, you’re able to dress your loved one in a way that makes them look more like themselves. Picking out a beloved dress that your mother used to wear or a suit that your father wore to every event allows funeral-goers to see the decedent look just like how they remember them.

That said, because it’s a comfort to see a loved one dressed like how they would dress at their funeral, if you just can’t imagine them wearing a suit or dress, there’s no rule that says they can’t wear something different. If your loved one simply never took off their favorite pairs of jeans, it’s okay to dress them more informally so they look like themselves.

Certain circumstances may require particular outfits. Although not all veterans are buried in uniform, if your loved one still has their uniform, you may want to consider dressing them in it. Especially if they were still active in their community, such as by being members of the American Legion or the Veterans of Foreign Wars, a uniform can be a fitting way to honor their years of service and dedication.

Are there any rules about how to dress a loved one?

If your loved one practiced a specific religion, you should be sure that they’re buried in clothing that’s traditional for their faith. For instance, Muslims are typically wrapped in a simple, plain cloth known as a kafan. Similarly, those who practice Judaism are covered by a burial shroud called a tachrichim. Especially if you do not follow the same religion as the loved one you’re planning a funeral for, you should talk to a religious leader who can help explain the traditional funeral customs. It can also be helpful to talk to your loved one before they pass to ask them what religious traditions they would like to uphold in their funeral.

Although you may imagine that a funeral must look a certain way, there really aren’t set rules for funeral attire. It’s all about planning a funeral that honors your loved one’s memory. If your loved one had a vibrant personality and you want the ceremony to be as bright as they were, dress your loved one in the kind of colorful attire that they would have loved. You can even encourage your guests to dress in their brightest outfits. Black clothing is a popular choice for mourning, but there’s no rule that says funeral-goers must wear black.

However, there are rules for green burials. In green burials, the idea is to create the lowest carbon footprint possible. To accomplish that, the casket should be biodegradable, and so should the clothing your loved one is buried in. That means any garments should be made from untreated, natural fibers, like cotton or wool. However, that doesn’t mean that any wool suit would work. Synthetic features, like metal zippers or plastic buttons, also make clothing unfit for a green burial. If you can’t find any clothes that will work, you can opt for an organic burial shroud instead.

What kinds of accessories should you bury a loved one with?

What kinds of accessories you bury with your loved one is up to you, as long as they are small enough to fit in the casket without adding too much weight. Jewelry is a common topic of debate when it comes to burials. You can bury your loved one with their most precious jewelry, like a wedding ring, but you may decide to hold on to it for sentimental reasons.

That piece of jewelry can still be present for the funeral, however. When you provide your funeral director with the clothing you wish for your loved one to be dressed in for their funeral, be sure to give them the jewelry you would like for them to wear as well. But if you want that jewelry back, make it clear to the funeral director that you do not want them to be buried with those accessories. It’s crucial that you communicate this clearly with the funeral director, or else they will assume that you were providing the jewelry to be part of the burial outfit.

Ultimately, although dresses and suits have been the expected attire for a decedent at a funeral, these ceremonies are meant to celebrate a life lived. And if that life was simply never lived in a suit, there’s nothing wrong with choosing clothing that suits who your loved one really was. When it comes to accessories, you may also want to bury your loved one with jewelry that was important to them in life, but you may decide to keep these items, perhaps because they’re family heirlooms. Just be sure to make it clear to your funeral director that, although these items are to be present at the funeral, they should not be buried with your loved one.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Can My Spouse Change My Funeral Plan When I Die?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:05:26 GMT

Planning your own funeral in advance can be accomplished using any one of several different methods. You can simply express your expectations to your family members. You can work with a funeral professional, explore the many options available, and create a written plan that will be retained by your funeral provider. This plan will be reviewed with the responsible parties in your family at the time of your death. This is usually referred to as “having your wishes on file.” The third option goes a step further; the funeral is funded. This entails a contractual agreement with the funeral home to provide the services and products you selected at the time of death. Each of these different scenarios generates a slightly different answer to the question at hand, “Can my spouse change my funeral plan when I die?”

In the first instance, where a person tells a family member what they hope will happen when they die, the responsible person may or may not carry out one’s wishes. So in this case, yes, a person’s spouse will make the arrangements and they will be responsible for the cost and most certainly can do as they choose. Although most families are loving and want to fulfill their family member’s wishes, this is not always the case. The most frequently occurring challenge in these cases is not disregard of the deceased’s wishes but confusion regarding what the wishes actually were.

Having “wishes on file” at the funeral home helps in that there will be a written plan; therefore, the opportunity for confusion is diminished. In this case, since there has been no exchange of consideration or money, the document is not a contract. So, here again a spouse can make changes as they see fit. Remember, in most families this is not a problem and arrangements move forward in harmony.

When a funeral is arranged and funded in advance, agreements are written and consideration has been exchanged so there is a binding contract. Still, a person’s spouse is the “owner” of the body in nearly every state by law and so, could make changes to the plan as they desire. This is rarely of concern. A loving spouse is most often grateful for the plan, aware of the decisions that were made, and pleased to carry out the plan. That said there are exceptions.

If a person making a funeral plan is concerned their plan will be altered by a spouse or family member in a way they do not want, there are remedies. Nearly every state has documents that can be completed and included in the funded plan that stipulate no one can alter the plan.

More than half of all funerals are arranged in advance. The practice of advance planning alleviates the burden of family members having to guess or remember what their loved one wanted in a funeral service. It is a much-appreciated gift.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What Will Happen to My Funeral Plan if There Is No Body to Bury or Cremate?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 20:00:56 GMT

While possible, it is truly rare for a death to occur and for there to be no body to care for. Still, this is a frequently asked question. Final disposition of the body, usually burial or cremation, is a part of what we humans do when a life ends. But it is not all we do. It is also not all we can do.

When there is no body - be it consumed by fire, lost at sea, or in some remote inaccessible location - it is devastating for the surviving family. This makes the rest of the closing of life ceremony that much more important.

Even if there is no body, there was a life. There will be a service, a eulogy, people will share memories. They will cry and hug and offer condolences. For the faithful, there will be a church-based farewell. Even without a body, most families will want a memorial service. People will gather. The only aspects missing will be those directly related to care and disposition of the body.

Often this “what if” question is asked of the funeral director when people are making their funeral arrangements in advance. For some, planning their own funeral is an emotional undertaking. Some people are ill at ease and looking for a reason to avoid the task at hand. The idea of the question is to derail the mission. Most often this occurs when a husband and wife are making their plans together and one or the other would prefer to end the meeting. The idea they seek to promote is that advanced planning is a waste of time, and if they pay in advance and die in a manner that leaves no body to care for, the plan will be a waste of money.

So, the first thing to understand is how planning and paying in advance works. If you pay for something like a casket and then circumstances prohibit using a casket at the time of death, the money set aside for that item would be returned to the surviving family members. In short, anytime an advanced funeral plan is funded, the final reckoning occurs at the time of death. In the end, only those services provided are paid for, and any excess funds are returned to the family.

If you have this question or any other question, don’t hold back. Ask the advance funeral planning professional. Getting your questions answered and having your mind put at ease is exactly what the funeral director hopes to accomplish at your planning meeting.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

How Long Does Cremation Take?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 17:13:46 GMT

If you’re considering cremation for your loved one, you’re not alone. In 2020, the rate of cremation in the United States was 56.1 percent, and that number is only expected to climb. By 2030, it’s estimated that the cremation rate will be all the way up to 72.8 percent. So, what should you expect when you decide to cremate a loved one? Let’s take a look at how long the process takes and how cremation affects funeral planning.

How long does cremation take?

The actual cremation process typically takes between one and three hours, though processing the remains adds an additional two hours. However, that doesn’t mean that cremation happens the same day as someone’s passing. The process of getting approval for cremation all the way until the remains can be returned to a family usually occurs between four and 15 business days.

Many states have laws that require cremation if someone is not embalmed or refrigerated within a certain amount of time. However, most often, the entire cremation process takes longer than that time frame. If a family does not want embalming to occur before cremation, the body will need to be refrigerated while they wait for proper approval.

How is someone approved for cremation?

First, your loved one will need to be identified. This step is crucial to ensure that, after someone is cremated, they have the right identification. Getting approval for cremation varies by state, but they do all follow a similar path. For one thing, the funeral home staff will always have to receive a death certificate before they can proceed. They will also need authorization from the decedent’s next-of-kin in the form of a Cremation Authorization Form. The next-of-kin is typically a spouse, but the decision falls to the children if no spouse is around. If there are multiple children, all of them must sign and agree to the form. Some states may also require a waiting period before someone can be cremated, though this can be overridden if there’s a public health concern.

Once the death certificate and authorization form are signed, the county will have to issue a cremation permit. In addition to the fee for obtaining the death certificate, some counties also charge a small fee for a cremation permit. Generally, these fees will be added to the price of cremation by your funeral home.

Can you have a funeral after someone is cremated?

Funerals are very individualized events, and as such, you have options when it comes to planning one for a loved one. Although many people prefer to have their loved ones present in a casket for a funeral, you can decide to cremate your loved one before the ceremony. If you opt to do this, your loved one may not have to be embalmed. You’ll be waiting to hold the funeral until after the entire cremation process is concluded.

There are no rules regarding when you have to hold a funeral if your loved one is already cremated. You may choose to have it soon after cremation ends or decide to hold off for some weeks or months. This form of cremation is referred to as cremation with a memorial service, and the ashes of your loved one may or may not be present. That decision is up to you.

You can also choose to forgo a funeral altogether. In a cremation only situation, also known as “direct cremation,” the funeral home or crematory will work to process the cremation as quickly as possible. The ashes will be returned to you without the funeral home working with you to plan any funeral or memorial service.

But because most states have laws that require embalming or refrigeration to occur within a specific time frame after death, your loved one may have to be embalmed or refrigerated if you choose to have a funeral before cremation. This form of cremation is typically referred to as cremation with a traditional service.

If you have any questions about the cremation of your loved one, it’s best to talk to your funeral director. Especially considering that each state and even county can have different laws about when and how cremation has to happen, your funeral director will have a wealth of knowledge from years of experience operating within those laws. When it comes to funeral planning, opting for cremation doesn’t have to change what you want your loved one’s funeral to look like. In fact, it can open the door for more choices as to when to hold the funeral or memorial service.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Preparing for a Funeral: Videos

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 17:11:30 GMT

Every funeral is a celebration of life. And one of the best ways to celebrate that life is by surrounding the funeral with memories of how that life was lived. One way to do this is by incorporating a memorial video into your ceremony or the events before or after it. A memorial video is filled with home movies and pictures of your loved one throughout their life, showing just how loved that loved one was. So, how can you put one together, and how can you show it at a funeral? While some funeral homes may be able to help with video services, here are a few steps to take if you want to create one yourself.

1. Check with your funeral home to ensure they have the right equipment to show videos.

Many funeral homes have projectors or televisions that can show slideshows and videos. But it’s best not to assume that your funeral home will have what you need. You don’t want the day of the funeral to arrive, and you have your video ready to go but nothing to show it on. Always check with your funeral director to be sure that there will be something available on the day for your video. If not, you’ll have to supply your own projector or TV, depending on how you want to present the video. Remember that your video may have to be in a certain format, like on a DVD or thumb drive, depending on what the funeral home has available.

2. Collect videos from relatives and friends of your loved one.

After going through your own supply of home videos, ask your family and your loved one’s friends if they have any that they can contribute. Keep in mind that when you cut together the memorial video, you can also incorporate still images. Ask if they have any photos they’d be able to share as well, especially if they are pictures of your loved one during very significant moments, like a wedding or the birth of their children.

3. Convert VHS tapes to digital.

If your family and friends are sending you over old VHS tapes filled with home movies, you’re going to have some trouble creating a memorial video. But don’t worry, you can still convert those VHS tapes into useable clips. To do the conversion yourself , you’ll need a VCR, a USB-to-composite video converter, a computer with a USB port, and several hours. To get started, download the converter’s software on your computer. Then, connect the VCR to the computer using the USB video converter. Make sure the tape is rewound to where you want to start the conversion. Press play on your VCR and hit record on your computer. The recordings will have to play in real-time, so be prepared to sit back and watch those memories play out.

If you’re not particularly tech-savvy or don’t have the proper equipment to convert the videos yourself, several companies offer this service . You’ll have to ship your VHS tapes out to them, and the conversions can take a few weeks or more to process. Be sure that you have enough time before the funeral for the companies to fulfill your request and ship a DVD or USB back to you or send you a digital download.

4. Cut together the memorial video.

To create a memorial video, you’ll want to use an application that allows you to put together videos, pictures, and audio. You could invest in software known for putting clips together with other features, like graphics and text, such as Final Cut Pro. But there are also free applications available for more straightforward use, like iMovie and Windows Movie Maker. These free apps tend to be easier to learn, so you’ll be able to create something that’s not too complicated but still beautiful.

If you think you’re not the best fit to make this video, consider asking a friend or family member if they can help you. But if you’re short on time and don’t have much available help, you can also hire a contractor to make the memorial video for you. Plenty of video editors would be happy to create a professional-looking tribute for you.

Certain services are built for the exact purpose of creating a memorial video for you, like Tribute . With Tribute, you can invite your family and friends to contribute photos and videos directly on the platform. Then, you’ll have that inventory available for you to build out the memorial. Although it’s a more expensive option, you can also use Tribute’s concierge service to make the video. Another bonus to the service is that the video will be available for digital download, allowing friends and family to keep it as a memento of their loved one forever.

5. Decide when you’d like to show the video.

Memorial videos can be played at several times. If you have a memorial video with sound, you’ll likely want to play it during the funeral itself, where everyone’s full attention is on it. Be sure to include time in the ceremony for the memorial to play. However, if you don’t have any sound, you can also set up a projector to have the video shown during a memorial ceremony or visitation after the funeral. That way, those precious home movies and memories can surround family and friends as they reminisce about their loved one.

6. Send out the video after the funeral.

If you collected emails of your funeral guests in your guest book, and if you saved your video as a digital download, you could also consider sending it out after the ceremony. Memorial videos often get shelved after a funeral, but by distributing them to family and friends, they will always have those beloved memories to watch when they’re missing their loved one.

A memorial video is a tribute to your loved one, filled with memories and moments that you’ll never forget. When you put together this memorial, you’re allowing all of your funeral guests to take part in reminiscing with you. Seeing a loved one smiling and laughing at their funeral is a gift that can bring joy to a difficult day. No matter how you create one and whether you use the help of a professional or not, the most important thing is that your video shows the spirit of your loved one.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

I Have Several Loved Ones’ Urns – What Should I Do?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 17:09:28 GMT

When a loved one is cremated, there’s always a question of what to do next. Generally, their ashes will sit in an urn, but what should you do with them? Do they have to stay in the urn?

There are plenty of thoughtful things to do to memorialize your loved one. In many cases, you can visit the funeral home you’re working with to see urns and cremation jewelry in person, giving you a chance to pick from unique choices to honor your loved one. Talk to your funeral director to learn what kinds of urns and cremation jewelry options are available at the funeral home. But what should you do if you have many different urns for your loved ones? If you have many of your loved ones’ urns and aren’t sure what you can do, here are a few options.

What to Do With Loved Ones’ Urns

1. Create mini memorials.

Choose an urn that reminds you of your loved one. Maybe they were an artist, and you’d want a bright and colorful urn that always makes you think of how brightly they shined. Or perhaps they were more quiet and reserved, and you’d like an urn that makes you feel as peaceful as they did. Find a place in your house that’s not too busy and place the urns on a surface with some distance between each one. Then, surround each urn with trinkets and pictures of the loved one whose urn it is. These mini memorials are a beautiful way to cover your home with the memories of your loved ones.

2. Incorporate the urns into your decor.

Urns don’t have to stand out from the rest of your home. If you’re looking for a more subtle way to display your loved ones, many urns simply look and can even function like vases, with the ashes concealed in a bottom compartment that leaves room for flowers or candles in the top. By choosing an urn that looks more like another piece of decor, you can incorporate it into the room’s style. If the urn also functions as a vase, you could also place flowers in it, giving the room an extra pop of color.

3. Grow a memorial tree with a biodegradable urn.

Although ashes on their own aren’t particularly great for growing plants, recent years have seen a movement for more companies creating and offering biodegradable urns with tree-growing kits. Through these kits, you’ll be able to turn your loved one’s ashes into a memorial tree. These products use different methods to make ashes more friendly to plants, allowing for thriving trees to be born from the urn.

4. Turn your loved one’s ashes into a reef.

Another environmentally-conscious way of memorializing your loved one is by reef ball burial. Sadly, the world has lost 50 percent of its coral reefs since the 1950s , diminishing crucial habitats for sea creatures. Through reef ball burials, your loved one will become a part of an underwater structure that mimics the characteristics of a reef. These artificial reefs have already seen wildlife beginning to flock to them, meaning that your loved one is creating a home for many creatures that have been displaced.

5. Turn their ashes into art.

There are so many different ways that ashes can be incorporated into stunning pieces of artwork. Some artists can create portraits by mixing the ashes with paint. Others include the ashes in handblown glass works of art. And for those who enjoy using the body as a canvas, some tattoo artists can mix the ashes with ink to create a tattoo to honor your loved one.

6. Turn their ashes into jewelry or buy jewelry built to contain ashes.

Just like other works of art, there are many types of jewelry that can be used to memorialize your loved one. With some cremation jewelry, ashes are mixed with the other materials used to build it. These are highly personalized necklaces, bracelets, rings, pendants, brooches, and more, and as such, they can take some time to craft. But you can also buy pre-made jewelry that’s built with a little compartment to contain ashes.

7. Scatter the ashes.

Some people might not like the idea of keeping a loved one’s remains in an urn. Perhaps you feel that your free-spirited family member should be where they loved being most, like at sea or in the national park they used to hike through all the time. Scattering ashes can be a lovely ceremony, all about returning your loved one to the places they enjoyed most in life. There are funeral homes and boating companies that will take you and your family out on the water to spread the ashes when you’re far enough from shore. For even bigger risk-takers, there are even companies that will help you scatter the ashes while skydiving. Another popular option is spreading them in national parks, but be sure not to do it too close to a trail.

Be sure you’re adhering to state and local ordinances wherever you decide to spread the ashes. And remember, just because you’re allowed to go somewhere doesn’t mean you can scatter ashes there. Spreading ashes in a privately-owned business is not permitted without proper consent.

Whether you decide to display your urns or turn your loved ones’ ashes into stunning works of art, you’re memorializing those you loved in sentimental, beautiful ways. The only things that matter are that you’re choosing methods that honor the memory of those you lost and that the plans you opt for provide comfort to you as you think about those you loved.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

History of Hearses: What Makes a Hearse Different From a Normal Car?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 17:06:25 GMT

A hearse is a chariot that carries a loved one between their funeral and their final resting place. It’s a crucial component of a funeral home’s service. After all, anyone would want their loved one to have a dignified ride during an event meant to celebrate their life. But how did today’s hearses come to be? What we think of as hearses nowadays isn’t the first kind of hearse. Hearses come with centuries worth of history.

How were the hearses of today invented?

In the 17th century, people began referring to horse-drawn carriages used to transport the deceased as hearses. Still, it wasn’t until the early 20th century that hearses, or funeral coaches, were created as we know them today. The first vehicles were actually electric , but in 1909, undertaker H.D. Ludlow commissioned a gas-powered hearse that had the body of a horse-drawn carriage and the chassis, or base frame, of a bus, which became the preferred form of a hearse, thereby replacing the electric models.

However, because horse-drawn hearses were still available and significantly less costly, most people of average means chose to continue using those instead. But funeral directors quickly realized that they could use those gas-powered hearses several times per day because of how much faster they were than the horse-drawn ones. By the 1920s, gas-powered hearses had become more cost-effective, and horse-drawn hearses were made obsolete.

Although more companies began to manufacture gas-powered hearses in this style, starting with Crane and Breed Company of Cincinnati, Sayers & Scovill, also based in Ohio, introduced a landau-style hearse in 1925. This type of funeral coach, which looked more like a limousine, became more popular than the boxier older models and is more closely related to the hearses we know today.

When it comes to how hearses are made, you might expect that the big car-manufacturing companies just have divisions for funeral coaches. However, there’s no such thing as a factory that builds hearses from scratch. Instead, a third-party manufacturer purchases an existing vehicle and customizes it. Most of the hearses we see today are made from Cadillacs and Lincolns.

What makes a hearse different from a car?

If hearses are made from Cadillacs and Lincolns, they certainly have to undergo a transformation to be able to be used by funeral homes. To start, the car is cut in half and fitted into a larger, lower sitting chassis. This is crucial to building a hearse because it needs to be low enough for a casket to be lifted in and long enough for it to sit comfortably with enough space. From there, a fiberglass shell is built to connect the cut-apart vehicle ends. Then the electrical and fluid lines are attached. The vehicle now resembles the hearse as we know it, but some pieces still need to be added to make it a functional hearse.

An extended platform with rollers is placed in the back of the vehicles, which allows the casket to roll in and out of the car. But to keep the casket from sliding around, bier pin plates are added to secure it. To keep some privacy in the hearse, drapes that run the length of the back windows are put up.

When you see a hearse on the street, know that there was great care in turning that vehicle from a simple car into something befitting of carrying many people’s loved ones on their final journeys. Today’s hearses might not look like they did in the 17th century, but they do provide the same service of ushering loved ones to their final resting places. It’s a service funeral homes are proud to provide, which is why it’s so crucial that the vehicle is befitting the importance of the event.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What is a Visitation? Is it Different From a Wake or Viewing?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 17:03:18 GMT

When people say that they’re planning a funeral, they often mean something that goes beyond what occurs at the actual funeral itself. We consider funeral arrangements to be multi-day events, but that’s not because the service goes on for more than one day. It’s because most people hold additional days to allow people to gather to say goodbye or give their condolences to the loved ones of the person who passed. We call these occasions wakes, viewings, or visitations. Although they’re often used interchangeably, there are some distinct differences between the three. So, what do these events mean?

What is a visitation?

The idea behind a visitation is that you’re visiting the family of the person who passed. Essentially, a visitation is when people are invited to pay their respects to the family. This can happen for one hour or up to several days, depending on the family’s ability to receive guests. A visitation can occur in the home, but more modern visitations tend to take place in a funeral home. They typically occur in the days leading up to the funeral, but they can also be planned for after the funeral as part of the repast.

One of the most essential aspects that makes a visitation different from a wake or viewing is that this event is mainly about providing comfort for the bereaved. That’s why the person who passed is often not present for visitations. If they are present, the casket is usually closed. A visitation can also occur after cremation, with the loved one’s ashes being present.

What is a viewing?

A viewing differs from a visitation as it is less meant to provide support for the family and more meant as a time for loved ones to gather and say personal goodbyes to the one who passed. While it’s generally acceptable for anyone who wishes to come to a visitation and express their condolences, a viewing is more meant for people who knew the decedent on a personal level.

Viewings used to be commonly done in the home, but today they happen in funeral homes. Like a visitation, these events are often planned for the days leading up to a funeral. However, because a viewing involves seeing the decedent, it cannot happen after the funeral like a visitation can. Viewings are generally open-casket, giving close friends and family the chance to see their loved one before they are buried or cremated.

What is a wake?

A wake and a viewing are often used synonymously, particularly in the U.S. and Canada. A wake is still essentially a time in which mourners are invited to see the person who passed and say goodbye. Like viewings, they used to take place in the home, but they occur in funeral homes today.

Wakes do have roots that go further back than viewings, however. Although there’s a common misconception that the origin of wakes comes from the idea that people used to come view the decedent to see if they’d “wake up,” these events actually were more about holding a vigil. In Celtic countries in Europe, volunteers would stay awake beside the decedent until they were buried in the hopes that their presence would deter spirits from possessing the form of their loved one.

Ultimately, though, today's wakes are more commonly simple events in which the decedent is present so that mourners can see their loved one a final time before they’re cremated or buried. Most often, modern wakes could also be called viewings.

When you’re arranging a funeral, you should consider the events that occur around the service itself. A visitation is a lovely way for a community to come together to support the family of someone who passed. And a wake or viewing gives people who loved the decedent the chance to say farewell to someone who meant so much to them. If you’d like to arrange for days for viewings or visitations, talk to your funeral director about what options they have for hosting these additional events.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Choosing the Pallbearers

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 17:01:05 GMT

Planning a funeral isn’t a one-person job. As you go about planning the funeral for a loved one, you’ll find that many people will become involved. Some may help you gather photos to display around the funeral home. You may invite others to do a reading or sing a song during the ceremony. And some people will become pallbearers.

But how do you know who to ask to be a pallbearer for your loved one’s funeral? Here are a few things that you should consider.

How to Choose the Pallbearers for a Loved One’s Funeral

1. Confirm with the funeral home how many pallbearers will be needed.

A pallbearer is tasked with carrying the casket to the service location from the hearse and vice versa. In general, depending on the casket’s design, you’ll likely need six to eight pallbearers. Before asking anyone to be a pallbearer, be sure that you know how many you’ll need. Your funeral home will be able to answer questions about the weight of the casket and how many pallbearers will be able to carry it.

2. Consider the physical requirements of carrying the casket.

A wooden casket alone may weigh between 150 and 250 pounds. When you add the decedent, that weight could double. Although pallbearers don’t typically have to carry the casket for longer than 15 minutes, moving that much weight even for a short amount of time can be incredibly difficult. Be sure that whoever you ask is prepared to carry that much. Likely, someone who is too young or too elderly will not be able to handle the casket’s weight, but there may be other reasons why someone might not be up to the task.

3. Don’t forget about the emotional requirements.

There are many differing opinions about how close the pallbearers should be to the decedent. Often, very close family members are not selected to be pallbearers because of the emotional distress they’re experiencing from the loss of their loved one. Someone who is very strongly mourning may have trouble carrying the casket as grief overtakes them. Additionally, the position of pallbearer is a very public one. There will be many eyes on them as they move the coffin. Some people may become embarrassed if grief overtakes them while they’re trying to fulfill their duty. Be sure that the people you ask are aware that this position can be taxing both physically and emotionally.

4. Have both backup and honorary pallbearers.

Although you hope that the day of the funeral will go by smoothly, there’s always the potential for something to go awry. If one of your pallbearers suddenly falls ill or cannot carry the casket for another reason, it’s a good idea to ask backup pallbearers to be available. Just be sure that they know that they have to be prepared if they’re needed at the last minute. You may also want to offer that if they are not required to carry the casket after all, they can also be honorary pallbearers. Honorary pallbearers walk either ahead of or just behind the coffin. This is also a good position for someone who was particularly close to the decedent but who cannot handle the strain of carrying the casket. If you’re concerned that someone who wants to be a pallbearer isn’t a good fit, talk to your funeral director. They may have suggestions on other ways for the person to be included.

5. Only choose people who you trust to be reliable.

For the original, backup, and honorary pallbearers, ensure that they are aware that they may have to arrive at the funeral home early. If you know that someone has a habit of being late or backing out at the last minute for events, they probably shouldn’t be chosen as pallbearers. The day of the funeral can be very stressful, and having pallbearers arriving late or not at all can make that strain much worse. Do confirmation check-ins with your pallbearers in the week leading up to the funeral to ensure they’re ready for what’s being asked of them and aware of what time they will be needed at the funeral home.

Pallbearers carry a lot of weight, both physically and emotionally, so it’s essential that you know you’re picking people who are up to the challenge. Make sure that everyone who is chosen is aware of what’s being required of them, but just in case someone isn’t able to perform on the day, always have backups waiting to help. For those who want to be a pallbearer but aren’t able to handle the emotional or physical stress, honorary pallbearer is a valued and cherished position. A pallbearer of any kind is an integral part of the funeral procession, so be sure that you’re choosing people who understand why what they’re doing matters.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Funeral Remembrance Jewelry … The Old Is New Again

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 16:57:40 GMT

If you are a student of history or come from a family of “keepers” you are most likely aware of the concept of remembrance jewelry. Perhaps your grandmother kept a locket with a bit of hair from a child she lost in infancy. Or in your studies of American history you have read that this one or that one left provision in his will for a number of rings to be made and distributed in his memory. Jewelry made from bone or teeth dating back to the ancient Romans has been found by archeologists. In short, as long as people have been loving one another there has been a desire to maintain a connection with someone we love when they die. Those in mourning want something to take with them as they move forward with life.

As a society, at least for now, we are less inclined to bury our loved one in a family plot in our hometown cemetery. Instead, we cremate and scatter the cremated remains. We don’t seem to want to be tethered to polishing the family silver or storing or using the fine china. Consignment shops are full of these once fought over family treasures. Perhaps because we are eschewing these practices of our recent history, we are looking back to times long gone and resurrecting older remembrance practices.

Funeral directors tell us remembrance jewelry and decorative objects are being sought in ever increasing numbers. Fashions change, modern farmhouse is in, cape cod cottages are out, fire pits are in, wood burning fireplaces are out. Things change, but love doesn’t change. Grief is always with us when we lose someone we loved. We always want a connection.

Never before has there been such an abundance of creative and beautiful opportunities to remember. Cremated remains can be incorporated into stunning glass objects or jewelry. Gems, with the exact same chemistry as those made in nature, can be made from cremains. Wood, metal, gold and silver can be used for any number of remembrance items suitable for men, women, and those precious grandchildren.

If you are making funeral arrangements for a family member, ask your funeral director to help you find something that will help you remember. Even if you are a family member who is not a decision maker in funeral arrangements, don’t let that stop you. Contact your funeral director and ask for help. If you are a friend and you want that connection, call the funeral director who took care of the services and ask for help. If you are making your own funeral arrangements in advance talk to the funeral professional helping you with those arrangements and ask how you can provide for remembrance jewelry in your advance funeral plan.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Honoring Military Heroes on Veterans Day

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 16:55:12 GMT

Veterans surround us every day, even if we don’t know it. They could be a grandparent, a coworker, a neighbor, or another person who’s a part of our daily lives. These people missed milestones with their families. They may have missed their child’s first steps. Perhaps they missed their first anniversary with their spouse. And they may have watched some moments that will stay with them forever.

Their sacrifices are why we honor them every Veterans Day. So, how did this holiday come to be? And how can we best say thank you to veterans on this day?

Why Do We Celebrate Veterans Day?

Veterans Day didn’t start out as Veterans Day. Originally, it was called Armistice Day . And although it did honor the military, it was celebrated for a different reason than we celebrate Veterans Day. Armistice Day was held in honor of the end of the fighting in World War I, which occurred at 11 a.m. on November 11, 1918. The belief at the time was that World War I would be “the war to end all wars.” But that was far from the truth.

Though Armistice Day celebrations date back to the 1920s, Congress made it a national holiday in 1938. It would be only a year later that Germany would invade Poland, and World War II would begin. The meaning of Armistice Day changed significantly in the recognition that there were more soldiers to honor than those who fought in World War I.

The first celebration called Veterans Day was started by a World War II veteran named Raymond Weeks in 1947. The event was held on Armistice Day, but it was meant to honor all veterans. In 1954, President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed a bill officially changing Armistice Day to Veterans Day. Although Congress would later try to change the date of Veterans Day to the fourth Monday in October in 1968, it was clear that November 11 remained the true date of Veterans Day in the public’s mind. As a result, the date of the holiday was changed back to November 11 a decade later.

Though Armistice Day honored the soldiers of World War I, Veterans Day, as we celebrate it today, commemorates all veterans for their patriotism and willingness to serve their fellow man. Veterans Day remains a day of reflection upon their service and the sacrifices they made. Veterans Day is often confused with Memorial Day, but Veterans Day is meant to be a day to give support to veterans still with us, while Memorial Day is intended to be for fallen soldiers.

How You Can Honor Veterans on Veterans Day

1. Observe a moment of silence.

In 2016, President Barack Obama signed a law asking Americans to voluntarily pause for two minutes on Veterans Day for a moment of silence . Americans are asked to use this time, which begins at 2:11 p.m. EST, to reflect upon the sacrifices made by veterans to protect and honor America and our freedoms. While this moment of silence is not mandatory, it’s a way to show respect for the veterans among us.

2. Volunteer at a VA hospital or nursing home.

The Department of Veterans Affairs, or the VA, hosts many facilities across the country that provide care to returning veterans, including hospitals and nursing homes. Although these locations need support year-round, Veterans Day is a great time to volunteer because many of these facilities host events in honor of the day. Call your local VA hospital or nursing home to ask how you can help. Even if no events are being held, you can make a veteran's day by simply spending time with them at these locations.

3. Recognize the veterans around you.

One of the most important things to do on Veterans Day is to recognize the sacrifices of the veterans around you. You have veterans all around you, perhaps even in your own family. Be sure to thank these people for their service, but you can also go a step further and show your thanks through acts of kindness. Maybe your neighbor is a veteran. Give them a token of thanks, such as flowers or baked goods, or invite them over for a meal in their honor. Do what you can to show kindness and support to veterans on Veterans Day.

4. Organize a Care Package Party.

Veterans Day is also about recognizing those who are still serving, who are missing home and the comforts within it. Many organizations ship care packages to soldiers overseas to give them some of these comforts. Get involved with these organizations by rallying some of your friends and family to put together care packages for these troops. If you know someone personally in the military, you may send packages to them for them to distribute to their troop, or you can let one of the care package organizations mail your gifts to other soldiers for you.

5. Raise funds for veteran-related charities.

Donating what you have is a wonderful way of showing support, but you can go further by asking others to donate around you. Try organizing a fundraiser to raise money for veteran-based charities or your local VA office. You will likely need to take several days beyond Veterans Day to put this fundraiser together.

Remember that Veterans Day is a day of recognizing sacrifice. More than the veteran themselves sacrificed to protect this country. Many charities support the other lives that are touched by military duty, such as a spouse who is taking care of the home while their partner is overseas or a child who will miss the holiday season with their parent. Since Veterans Day is close to the winter holidays, you may consider using your Veterans Day fundraiser to acquire gifts to provide to struggling families who won’t see their soldier during the holiday season. Supporting veterans is also about supporting the people they love. So, pick a charity that touches you and provides help to soldiers and those they love alike.

Your community may already have events planned to raise funds for specific groups. If you would rather not create your own fundraiser, contact the organizers and ask how you can get involved. Donating your time is as valuable as donating your other resources.

When we celebrate Veterans Day, we’re saying thank you to those who stood as our protectors. So, be sure to thank a veteran on Veterans Day, and thank those who sacrificed alongside them, like their families. The smallest actions, such as spending time sitting down with a veteran in a nursing home, can mean the most to these heroes.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What To Do When You Are Attending a Service Outside of Your Faith

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 16:41:49 GMT

Faith and funerals go together like hand and glove. You can have a hand without a glove and a glove without a hand, but they are frequently together, and when they are, they usually appear as one. First thing to do, when someone you worked with, or played with, or that you cared about has died is to let go of any notion that you will not attend their funeral service because of a difference in faith.

We live in a world of different religious beliefs. In the course of our life, we connect with and care about people who practice a religion that is different from our own. This does not remove our human connection. Look to your own faith and you will likely see a teaching about doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. Push past your discomfort or fear and do what your heart and your faith tell you is right. Act out of kindness and love.

A good place to begin is to find out what will happen, what you can expect at the service. Google it or call the place of worship where the service will be held and ask. Knowing what to expect will go a long way to calm your discomfort. Understand which, if any, parts of the service you will not be expected to take part in. Also determine if there are any aspects of the service that you prefer not to participate in. You will not be expected to do anything that goes against your own faith.

In some churches the funeral service is just like any other weekly service in that particular faith. The deceased may or may not be eulogized. In some faiths only those who practice that faith will be expected or even allowed to participate in communion or some other aspect of the service. Some will stand, some will kneel, others will sit. Generally, what you do as a person of a different faith is observe respectfully.

You may also find there is more than one opportunity to offer your condolences to the family. If calling hours before or after the religious service are offered, you may find it more comfortable to attend calling hours and skip the religious service.

Finally, go with an open mind and heart. This is an opportunity to learn. You will no doubt learn what your friend believed. It may be more like what you believe than you expected, or it may be very different. In any case, regardless of faith, love is universal. When people experience a death, they like to hear about their loved one. They like to know that you too will miss his or her presence and that you enjoyed time with them, and they were loved and respected by a large circle of friends and colleagues.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Emotions of Grief… Feeling Lonely

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 16:35:07 GMT

The loneliness that accompanies the death of someone we care about is complex and individual. For those who for many years woke every morning alongside a husband or wife, it is strange to open your eyes and realize you are alone. In the early days of grief, the void that is left when a life partner dies, can feel like a black hole with no way out.

A grieving person can even feel lonely in a crowd. The loneliness that comes with grief is not just because you are without company; it is because you are not with the person you want to be with. Loneliness is one of the most difficult feelings of grief because it is not a choice. It is not the same as deciding to be alone to have quiet time. Unlike solitude, which can be restful or even reenergizing, loneliness zaps a person’s energy and feels heavy.

It is important to remember that grieving is work. It is a verb. Griefwork is something we do. Its goal is not to forget the person we loved; it is to weave the loss into a healthy life moving forward. The antidote for loneliness is to engage with people. It may be difficult at first, but over time with consistent effort, the heaviness will lift, and you will emerge.

Return to activities that you enjoyed in the past. Reconnect with friends, work, church. Stick with it. It may be difficult to concentrate at first or hard to engage in what might feel frivolous now. But give it a little time and give yourself a little time. Your enthusiasm for an activity you liked in the past is likely to come back with a little time.

Volunteer. Doing something that helps others is a wonderful way to step out of your own concerns.

Speak to the people who serve you. Say a few words to the checkout person at the grocery. Thank the waitress. As you drive through the bank or to get your coffee just say good morning or thank you. Every little connection helps.

Keep a journal. Express your feelings. It will help.

Check your calendar. Be sure you have something scheduled at least once a week that will require you to engage with others. As the song lyrics go, “People who need people are the luckiest people”.

Listen to music. If the silence is deafening, get some background music going.

Eat your elephant one bite at a time. Give yourself a task or three to complete each day. Make a list or write in your journal and tick your tasks off as you complete them. That little check mark can be very satisfying and giving yourself a few small things to get done each day can keep you from being overwhelmed.

Ask. Ask a friend out for lunch or to a movie or for a walk. Ask for help with some of your tasks.

Consider grief counseling. Too often we think we only get counseling help when we are at the end of our tether. We wait until we are suffering greatly. Why not acknowledge early on that grieving is going to be difficult and get help sooner rather than later? There really is no need to wait until one hits the bottom of a well to reach for a helping hand. Find someone who specializes in grief counseling. If you don’t know where to find such a person check with your funeral director, he or she will likely be familiar with services available in your area.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Does Everyone Have An Autopsy?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 16:29:39 GMT

When a loved one dies unexpectedly, many things race through the minds of the people who loved them. In addition to thinking about funeral plans, there may be concerns about whether or not the death was accidental. Or questions may arise around whether other people are at risk of dying in the same way. When these kinds of concerns come up, your loved one may have to undergo an autopsy. Not everyone will have to have an autopsy when they die, but it may be legally required for your loved one. So, when do autopsies have to happen?

When is an autopsy required?

Although not everyone will have an autopsy, one may be required based on the state you’re located in. Because an autopsy is used to help determine how someone died, nearly every state requires an autopsy if the decedent died in a suspicious or unnatural way. An autopsy can also be used to help study a public health concern, so many states require one when someone is suspected of having died from something that may affect others, like an outbreak of a dangerous disease or tainted food.

An autopsy may also be required when no doctor can officially state what the cause of death was. If no doctor was present at the time of death or knew the decedent’s health well enough prior to their death, a doctor may request an autopsy. In some cases, a condition may only be able to be diagnosed after someone has passed, which is another reason why a doctor may say that an autopsy is necessary.

Can you say no to an autopsy?

Whether or not an autopsy is optional depends on your state’s laws. Your state may require that you have to have an autopsy if a crime is suspected or if other people are in danger of dying the same way, such as by a fast-spreading disease. However, if a doctor requests an autopsy without there being any circumstance required by law to have one, you can deny the doctor’s appeal.

Certain religions, including Islam and Judaism, consider autopsies to be against their faith as they believe that a body is sacred and cannot be desecrated. However, these beliefs can sometimes put religious practitioners at odds with laws regarding requiring autopsies. In some places, those who do not want autopsies due to religious beliefs can request that their loved one has a non-invasive autopsy, like CT scans or blood cultures, to determine the cause of death instead. However, it’s not always possible to use those methods to find the cause of death and a more thorough autopsy may still be required.

How can you request an autopsy?

If you are your loved one’s next-of-kin, you can ask a coroner for an autopsy if you believe that your loved one died unnaturally. However, a coroner may say that there is no evidence of a suspicious death and deny your request. Unless otherwise required by state law, a coroner does not have to perform an autopsy.

If you still believe that the cause of death is worth investigating, you have other options aside from the coroner. If your loved one died in a hospital, you could ask the hospital if they perform autopsies. Unfortunately, most hospitals today no longer perform those procedures. You could find someone to perform a private autopsy, but it’s important to note that insurance does not cover them, and they can cost thousands of dollars. Additionally, there’s little regulation when it comes to private autopsies . Unfortunately, there are some companies out there who take advantage of that little regulation and grieving families who are searching for answers. Be sure that you are only working with a licensed forensic pathologist.

Does an autopsy affect a funeral?

There’s a commonly held myth that autopsies delay funerals and prevent open-casket funerals. To determine the cause of death, autopsies should happen very soon after someone passes. Additionally, they typically only take one to two hours to perform. A standard autopsy will generally not delay a funeral. When your loved one is returned to you to prepare their funeral, you’ll also find that they can still have an open-casket funeral. A professional funeral director or mortician can easily hide the incisions made during the procedure.

When a loved one dies, an autopsy may have to happen, although certain laws may allow you to decline one depending on your religious beliefs. But if you’re worried that an autopsy will affect your funeral plans, talk to your funeral home about your concerns. With their trained staff, you'll find that your loved one’s funeral will still be timely and can be open casket if that’s what you and your loved one wanted.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

A Friend Lost a Loved One – When Can I Call?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 16:09:26 GMT

When a friend loses a loved one, you want to show them that you care. You want to offer support and make them feel less alone. But what’s the best way to do that? It starts with making a call.

When should I call a friend who lost a loved one?

Ideally, you should call your friend as soon as you hear the news. Although you may worry about being a bother, grief can be a very isolating time. And it may help them just to listen to the voice of a beloved friend on the other end of the phone. Calling your friend shows that you want to support them and that they don’t have to be alone in their grief.

Your friend might not answer, especially if the death was very recent or they’re very busy with funeral planning. If that happens, be sure to leave a message. If your friend just sees that you called, they might feel obligated to call back. Leaving a message gives you the opportunity to say, “Hey, I’m here for you however and whenever you need me. There’s no pressure to call back, but just know I’m here.” Your friend will appreciate the gesture and being given the freedom to grieve in the way that feels best for them.

What should I say?

What should you talk about if your friend does answer or calls you back later? What’s okay to say? In addition to worrying about being a bother, we sometimes don’t reach out because we’re scared of what to say. Discussing death can be tricky and unpleasant. But death is a natural part of life. As uncomfortable as it may be to talk about, sometimes those conversations have to happen, especially when our friends are grieving and need our support.

There’s no right thing to say to a grieving friend because there’s nothing that fixes what happened. You can’t talk away their grief, though your love for them may make you want to. But the best thing to do isn’t to speak. It’s to listen.

When you call your friend, keep the focus on them. How are they doing? What do they want to talk about? Sometimes people who are grieving want to talk about their loved one. Again, talking about someone who just passed may feel uncomfortable, but if that’s what your friend needs, you should talk about them. Others feel better taking their mind off the situation and might just want to spend a few moments talking about their favorite baseball team. Listen to their needs and respond in kind.

It’s not only okay to ask questions, but it’s also a good idea. Often in times of grief, we neglect our self-care or fall behind on other important tasks, making that time feel even more overwhelming. Asking questions helps you find out what your friend needs. Are they not eating? Are they sleeping? How are their kids doing? From there, you can ask for ways to help by taking care of the things that they’re struggling to do right now. Perhaps you could offer childcare after school or coordinate driving their kids to and from school and extracurriculars. Or you could cook some easy meals for your friend to warm up for dinner for their family.

What should I not say?

Although there is no particular right thing to say, there are some things that you should be mindful of. Sometimes, when a loved one dies, we want to tell our friends that things will get better. But although the sentiment is kind, it’s not a great way of helping them through grief. It can minimize their pain and make them think missing their loved one is something to “get over.” Yes, that pain may heal over time, but we’ll always miss the people we love. And that’s okay. So focus on just letting them miss their loved one.

If you lost someone very important to you, you might feel like you can commiserate with your friend. But try not to do that unless it’s openly asked for. If your friend asks how you felt when you lost someone close to you, like a parent or a spouse, then you should talk about your experience, but don’t bring this up without being prompted. Keep in mind that all relationships are different. If you lost a parent, you probably shouldn’t speak as if you understand your friend’s loved one’s death if that loved one wasn’t a parent at all. Although you may feel like you comprehend your friend’s loss, we all react differently to death, and every death has a unique impact on us.

Avoid empty platitudes. Resorting to platitudes prevents you from actually listening and responding to what your friend really needs. We often say platitudes when we’re just not sure what else to say, but if you’re listening to what your friend needs, you’ll know how to respond.

You know your friend, so you most likely have a better idea of what to say than you think. If your friend is religious, they may be comforted by hearing a comment with a religious undertone, such as, “They’re in a better place.” People who are religious can often find comfort in their faith during times of grief, and sharing that faith with others can provide further relief. But only steer the conversation in such a direction if you know that your friend is religious. Otherwise, these kinds of comments may not be appropriate.

It’s important not to rely on one phone call. Your friend needs your support, which takes more action and more time. Make sure you make check-in calls a regular part of your routine, particularly so that you can learn when new needs arise, such as if your friend suddenly needs some added help with running errands (or even just an errand-running buddy so they don’t have to be alone). The more you reach out to your friend, the more likely they’ll feel comfortable reaching back out to you.

When you call a friend after their loved one dies, the best thing that you can do is listen. Your goal isn’t to “fix” their grief. Their pain will not go away because you said the right combination of words. But what you can do is offer them support, both emotionally and physically, making them feel less alone during a very lonely time.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Preparing for a Funeral: What Do You Want People to Remember About Your Loved One?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 16:05:13 GMT

When you plan a funeral, many questions arise. Should you have a burial or cremation? Should you have a visitation? What day do you have to have the ceremony? But there’s one essential question that should always be in mind during the funeral planning process: What do you want people to remember about your loved one?

A funeral is a celebration of a life lived. It’s a chance for everyone who loved your loved one to come together and honor the memory of someone who meant so much to them. Every funeral is unique because every person has so many different things that make them special. Here are a few ways to incorporate who your loved one was into their funeral.

Ways to Honor Your Loved One at Their Funeral

1. Surround the funeral with things that were special to your loved one.

Perhaps your loved one enjoyed nothing more than a day kayaking on the water of the lake by their house. Finding a way to incorporate their kayaking gear into the funeral is a lovely way to honor their memory. You could integrate their paddles into flower arrangements or place them next to the casket throughout the ceremony. Or maybe your loved one was famous for their baking. Whip up a batch of their favorite recipe to have at the ceremony. You could also compile some of their most well-known recipes into a book for guests to read at the funeral and bury them with those recipes that meant so much to them in life. These small trinkets and gifts make a big impact in helping to celebrate what made your loved one special.

2. Ask for help from other people who loved them.

You knew your loved one, but you likely knew them at a certain point in their life or saw one side of them most often. But maybe your kayaking loved one had a group that they went out on the water with every week. Or your baking loved one made sure to deliver cookies to their church every week and made many friends there. Your loved one was a complex, multi-faceted person. And although you have an idea of how you want your loved one to be remembered, many people will likely remember them for different things. When you plan a funeral, strive to show all the aspects of your loved one, even the parts of them that maybe they didn’t show as much around you. Every life is filled with magical moments spent with so many different people who matter to us. Those people can help you celebrate your loved one when the day comes that they can no longer make new memories with us.

3. Make a memorial quilt for the funeral.

Memorial quilts, also known as mourning or bereavement quilts, have a long tradition with funerals. These quilts are used to celebrate the life of a loved one by incorporating pieces of who they are into each block. You can work with a professional and send them information about the decedent so that they can build something that honors their memory. But you could also opt to turn the quiltmaking into a family affair. Ask your family and close friends who would be interested in contributing a block. Then, tell whoever is interested to design a block with how they remember their loved one. Just be sure that everyone’s block is at least a little different. If the decedent was very into fishing, ensure that not every person sewing a block is making their section fishing themed. In the end, you’ll have a beautiful tapestry of your loved one’s life, which you can display at the funeral by hanging up or draping over the coffin.

4. Put together a funeral slideshow that goes through their life.

When you collect photos for a funeral, you’re filling the room with memories. But when you create a slideshow, you’re taking it a step further by forming a narrative with those images. Through those pictures, you can truly tell someone’s story. You can play a funeral slideshow during the ceremony, and if you choose to do it this way, you can also add narration, audio clips of your loved one, or music. However, you can also opt to play the slideshow silently during the visitation or memorial party by projecting it on the walls, allowing those photos to dance around the people who came to pay their respects. Just remember to check with the funeral home to ensure that they have a projector. Most funeral homes do, but you’ll have to provide your own if not.

When you plan a funeral, you always want to keep in mind that you’re creating an event that helps people say goodbye to your loved one. And a part of making that happen is by ensuring that the funeral honors who that person really was. When you ask yourself what you want people to remember about your loved one, be sure that your answer has a prominent presence at the funeral.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

How to Have the Talk (About Death) with a Loved One

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 16:00:21 GMT

Talking about death is considered uncomfortable and sometimes even taboo, but death is just a part of life. And when we talk about death, especially the death of a loved one, we’re also talking about celebrating a life. What was that person like? What stories about them will always play through your mind when you think of them? How will they be remembered?

When we sit down and talk with someone we love about our lives and what we want in our deaths, we’re helping them to tell our story later. Even the people who are around us often don’t know every facet of who we are. We need to talk about life and death to ensure that our memories live on long after we’re gone, so that generations of loved ones will always feel our presence. When you start a conversation with your loved one about their life, you’re taking steps to connect with them and truly understand who they are.

Who Should I Talk to About Life and Death?

Having a conversation about understanding someone’s life and wishes in death is essential for anyone whose funeral you may have to plan, like a spouse, parent, or sibling. But there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have this conversation with anyone you hold dear. From friends to extended family, this discussion opens up the doorway to a greater understanding of who they are. And it’s never a bad thing to create closer bonds with the people you love.

When and Where Should I Have the Talk?

It’s important that the person that you’re speaking with feels comfortable, so be sure that you’re at a place where they are relaxed and happy to talk. If they’re focused on something else at the time, you’re not likely to have the kind of conversation that you need to better understand who they are. Look for a time when you can speak uninterrupted, like when you share a meal just the two of you. It can also help to have another activity happening at the time, like a game. That way, there’s something else that can keep the discussion flowing. Since some questions may feel uncomfortable to answer, having something as a mild distraction can break the tension.

How Should I Start the Talk?

One way to facilitate the talk is by relying on something to help trigger memories, like a photo album. Ask your loved one to sit with you as you flip through, and you ask questions prompted by the pictures and the stories that they tell. You can also share some of your own memories together to encourage them to share as well. Or you can dive right into your questions.

What Should I Ask?

The questions that you ask shouldn’t be outright questions about a funeral. Your goal with this conversation is to fill in puzzle pieces so that you can have a full and complete picture of the one you love to remember them by and make sure that others remember them how they want to be remembered. This conversation should be filled with bigger picture questions that trigger memories that paint that picture.

A few questions that can get you started include:

● Who is your greatest inspiration?

● What were holidays like when you were a child?

● What advice did your favorite teacher give you?

● If you could spend your day doing anything, what would you do?

● Who took care of you most when you were a child?

● What is your proudest moment?

● What was your first job like?

● Where would you consider to be your happy place?

● What’s something that has always made you smile?

● What’s something that you’ve had since you were a child that you still have today?

Be patient with your questions, and don’t push them if they don’t want to answer certain queries. Especially if your loved one has lost many of their own loved ones, some questions may lead to upsetting thoughts. If one question is too difficult to answer, move on to another one that’s a bit lighter.

You may want to take notes while you talk, but in order to be fully engaged in the conversation, it might be easier to simply create an audio recording instead. Having that recording to refer to can help you during the funeral planning process as you try to plan an event that celebrates your loved one in the way that they want to be remembered. But you may also find that hearing their voice on the recording gives you comfort when the day comes that they do pass.

When planning a funeral, it’s about more than getting the details right about the big choices, like deciding between burial and cremation. It’s about celebrating someone’s life. And to celebrate that life, you need to understand how that life was lived. When you take the time to talk to your loved one about who they are, you’re coming to understand a story that you’re a part of, but so are so many others. There are so many stories for you to learn. It all starts with having one talk.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Making Decisions When Families Don’t Get Along

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 15:52:34 GMT

When you plan a funeral, it’s easy for the details to get overwhelming. But the planning process becomes much more difficult when families don’t get along. If your family is prone to fights or rifts are abound between relatives, here are a few tips to make the funeral planning process go more smoothly.

Funeral Planning Tips for When Families Don’t Get Along

1. Consider pre-planning to spare your family the squabble.

If you know that your family is prone to disagreements, one of the best gifts that you can give them is to pre-plan your funeral. When you work with a funeral home to plan your own funeral, you’re giving your family the blueprints for what you want. You’ll have all the big questions answered, such as whether you wish to be cremated or buried, if the ceremony should be religious or secular, and where the funeral will be held. All of these questions can be triggers for a family fight, but if they have your wishes written out for them, there will be less to fight over. By pre-planning, you’re helping your funeral go more smoothly, without bad feelings between loved ones making a difficult day much harder.

To make planning even easier for your family, you can also choose to pay in advance. Otherwise, your family may end up squabbling over how to pay for services. Talk to your funeral director about payment options. They will help you to identify a payment plan that works best for your family.

2. Be prepared to compromise.

If your loved one did not pre-plan their funeral and you’re planning it with family members who don’t get along, now is the time to extend an olive branch. When families are prone to fighting, the death of a loved one can make communicating even more difficult. Everyone is grieving, and everyone grieves differently. Recognize that you can only control your own reactions. So if a fight feels like it’s coming on, give yourself space from what’s instigating it and allow yourself time to calm down before reacting. Although you may have a picture of what you want your loved one’s funeral to be like, your family members do too. Compromises will likely have to be made. And the more you’re prepared to make those compromises, the more likely funeral planning will go smoothly.

3. Keep everyone on topic.

When a family that doesn’t get along gets together, things can devolve quickly. Old fights get rehashed, and old wounds get broken open again. To avoid the potential for things to get off-topic, structure your family meetings. When you schedule the family conference, communicate to them what will be discussed. Make sure that agenda is adhered to in the meeting. If things start moving in a different direction, steer the conversation back to the itinerary.

4. Keep everyone involved who wants to be involved.

You may feel like one particular person stirs up trouble, and you may be inclined to simply try to keep them out of the planning process to make things easier. But that person lost a loved one too, and it’s not fair that they are cut out from making plans to celebrate the one they loved. When you make plans to meet as a family to make decisions about the funeral, pick a time and place where everyone can attend.

5. Delegate and let others make decisions about their delegated topic.

If you’re taking the reins with funeral planning, be sure to recognize when others want to be a part of the process. If someone feels passionately about putting together a funeral slideshow, let them do it. You can offer to help, but let your family members take some ownership of the things that matter to them. Doing so will encourage compromise in others. If the person who wants a funeral slideshow busies themselves with making one, they may be less inclined to fight about other aspects of the funeral that matter less to them.

6. Ask a funeral director or family mediator to help.

Having a funeral director on hand to explain your options to your whole family can help get everyone on the same page. A funeral director can answer questions as they arise, preventing a family squabble if some people are confused about what certain options mean. When you’re holding a family meeting, ask your funeral director to attend to help keep the conversation on topic and address questions that can snowball into fights. However, if your family divide is so deep that you fear things getting out of hand quickly, consider consulting a family mediator as well.

When someone does not prepay or preplan, the responsibility falls to the next of kin. If you’re the next of kin, it’s important to let the other people involved in the funeral planning process know who will be making the final decisions. When families don’t get along, it’s unfortunately sometimes the case that some family members will be upset that their wishes aren’t followed. But a funeral home is legally obligated to follow the directions of the next of kin. Only one person can hold the decision-making power of the next of kin, and when other family members’ opinions conflict with theirs, the next of kin’s decisions must always take precedence. The funeral home is unable to transfer this power to anyone else and cannot diverge from the wishes of the next of kin. Although preplanning and prepaying is one way to prevent these disagreements from happening, if your loved one did not preplan, you should be sure that you are clear about who the next of kin is and what that means before you begin the planning process.

When your loved one doesn’t pre-plan, a family fight can be on the horizon, especially if family members have already experienced a falling-out. Keeping everyone in the loop, involved, and up-to-date on their options can help make the experience a little less painful. Just remember that everyone is grieving in their own way, so be patient with each other. And be sure to take breaks to keep yourself calm if things start getting more difficult.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Communication Tips When a Loved One Passes

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 15:48:37 GMT

Telling someone that a loved one died is never easy. It’s a moment that they will remember for a long time, so it’s essential to be gentle, plain, and careful. If you’re left with the task of breaking this difficult news to family and friends, here are a few things to keep in mind.

5 Communication Tips to Use After a Loved One Has Died

1. Don’t text or email immediate family or close friends.

Although it can be incredibly hard to tell family over and over again that someone you all loved has passed on, resist the urge to tell them through text or email. When someone dies, the first people who should be alerted should be immediate family and close friends. And each of these people deserves to hear the news through a more personal medium like a phone call.

Getting a text with news that a loved one has died can mean that they’re not prepared for the news. They may look at their phone during a time when they’re occupied with other things, suddenly throwing them into turmoil while they can’t do anything about it. Sending a text or email can be acceptable for follow-up information, such as where the funeral will be held, but the first time they hear the news should be from your voice. Make a list of the people who should get a phone call and check them off as you go so no one is accidentally missed. You may think you know who to call, but someone may slip your mind while you’re in mourning yourself.

2. Before giving the news, alert who you’re calling that they’re going to hear something upsetting.

When you call someone out of the blue with the information that a loved one has passed on, the person you’re calling may be simply going about their day. They’re likely not prepared to hear something so upsetting. Before you tell them the news, ask them where they are and tell them to try to find a private space. That way, they can react openly without feeling uncomfortable about grieving publicly or feeling like they have to hide how they feel to keep up appearances. If they ask why they have to find a private place, warn them that you have some difficult news. But they may be able to tell just by your voice that they will hear something upsetting.

3. Tell them in plain, simple language what happened.

Talking about death can feel uncomfortable. And, by our nature, we don’t want to upset people. So you may feel inclined to talk around the subject rather than facing what happened head-on. Resist the urge to start talking about something else entirely. If you start talking about more pleasant topics, the person you’re calling may begin to think that there’s no sad news after all, making them feel all the more blindsided when you do deliver the information.

After they’re in a safe, private space, tell them plainly that their loved one died. To soften the announcement, you may feel inclined to use more gentle language, such as “They didn’t make it” or “They passed on.” But that can cause some confusion. The person on the other end will likely ask for clarification as they try to process the news, so it’s best to be upfront and direct.

Don’t overwhelm them with further explanations. While we try to come to terms with the information, we’re not able to take in much else. When some people hear the news that a loved one died, they may not be able to hear anything else at all. So wait for their response after you tell them the bad news. If they ask what happened, explain in as simple of terms as you can.

4. For extended family and acquaintances, social media is okay to use.

Your loved one likely had a lot of people in their life beyond their immediate family and friends, like colleagues and distant relatives. But for people they weren’t very close with who may still want to attend the funeral, social media can be the best way to let them know what happened. Consider sharing the obituary you’ll post on the funeral home website. You may want to write more, but an obituary is enough if you’re struggling to find the right words to say. What matters most is that people have the time and location of the funeral service. You can also ask other close family and friends to share the obituary, especially if you’re concerned that you may not be in contact with everyone you need to reach on social media.

5. Remember to take time for yourself too.

If you’re the one who is taking on contacting family and friends about your loved one’s death, remember that you lost someone too. You may worry about how you’re alerting people, but you need to give yourself room to grieve too. If it gets too overwhelming to have to keep making calls, consider asking someone to help you or take a break to be with your own immediate loved ones.

When you’re tasked with telling people about a loved one’s passing, remember that you’re in grief yourself, and the person you’re speaking to is about to experience that grief as well. There’s no way to make hearing this news not painful, but you can help them navigate the new information by giving them the space to react and not overwhelming them with too much at once. But don’t forget to give yourself room to mourn on your own how and when you need. Your own care should remain a priority, even while you’re worried about caring for others.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Where Should I Buy Flowers for a Funeral

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 15:45:35 GMT

When you send flowers to a funeral, you’re helping grieving loved ones celebrate the life of the person they lost. Flowers are a beautiful way to show that you care. But making sure that they arrive at just the right time for a funeral can be tricky. So, where should you order flowers from?

Should I send flowers to a funeral?

Flowers have a long tradition with funerals . In fact, it was once common in some religions for funerals to have flower bearers, whose job was as essential as the pallbearer. These women would carry flowers into the church ahead of the casket and later bring those flowers back out into the cemetery. The tradition exists in some communities today even still.

When we send flowers to a funeral, we’re expressing our condolences in a way that can be hard to put into words. We’re offering sympathy, love, and support in a symbolic way. We also send flowers because we recognize that the day of a funeral can be a difficult, gloomy one. Flowers brighten up a funeral and add color to a day that’s considered dark.

Throughout different cultures and religions around the world, flowers have always been treated as symbolic of life and our journey through it. Lilies, one of the most common funeral flowers, represent rebirth, signaling the spirit of our loved one starting a new transition to a world beyond our own. Roses, another often used funeral flower, stand for an everlasting and eternal love that cannot end with death. When we send such flowers to funerals, we’re using these flowers’ hidden meanings to say kind, loving sentiments to those who remain and are in mourning without having to say anything at all.

Where should I buy funeral flowers?

When it comes to buying flowers for a funeral, timing is one of the biggest things to keep in mind. Although there are several services online where you can ship flowers across the country, it’s hard to make sure that those flowers arrive in time. And if they don’t, there’s not much that you can do.

The easiest way to buy flowers for a funeral is by going directly through a funeral home’s website. When ordering through a funeral home’s website, you have the service information and delivery address right there for you. And unlike ordering through an online flower shipping company, the funeral home can work with the florist if there are any problems with the order and delivery. If you were to order through another provider, the funeral home would not be able to see your order history or have any additional insight into what happened.

If you intend to order flowers online, it’s best to order through the funeral home’s website rather than another provider. Many funeral homes’ online ordering is set up so that the decedent’s information, including service times, is communicated directly to the florist. Having the online ordering set up this way prevents unfortunate errors that may result in the floral arrangements not showing up on time, being the wrong flowers, or going to the wrong location.

Funeral home staff are also familiar with the family’s wishes and know where the flowers belong. If the service is held at a gravesite or church, the team will be able to take care of transporting the flowers there from the funeral home. Additionally, not every family wants flowers for a visitation, so a funeral home can ensure that you have the correct information about when and where the flowers should arrive.

Working through the funeral home’s website ensures that you have the instructions that you need to send the flowers you want to send to the right place at the right time. When you work directly through the funeral home, you know you’ll have engaged staff ensuring that what you order is there for the family and friends who are grieving their loss. Working with someone who is familiar with what’s happening at the funeral means that you’ll have staff who want to make sure that the funeral is perfect for the family of the loved one who passed, right down to making certain that the flowers are where they need to be.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Grief … Feeling Lost

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 31 Aug 2024 14:12:01 GMT

It is frequently not expected, but not at all unusual, for mourners to feel rudderless, adrift, unsure of their own purpose when someone close to them dies. Who am I now that I am not a wife? Sibling? Husband? Child? When an important relationship is disrupted by loss, roles get lost. Now that I am not the best friend who am I?

Perhaps you and your spouse were in the habit of watching Jeopardy every evening. And then there you are, sitting alone at the appointed hour, television on… and suddenly you realize you don’t enjoy Jeopardy. Now what? Do I still eat fish on Friday because Mary said it was good for me? Do I still make meatloaf every Tuesday because it was John’s favorite and his mother always made meatloaf on Tuesday? When someone you were in a close relationship with dies your world changes in hundreds of little ways. You feel lost, because you have lost. You have lost that person you loved who reflected you back to you. It’s like looking into the mirror and finding no image. Without the one you loved, who are you?

As with all of the feelings of grief there is no right or wrong. No should or should not. Feeling lost is what it is. It comes with the territory. It’s part of grief. It’s normal and you will be ok. How a person deals with this feeling is personal. Some will never make meatloaf again and certainly not on Tuesday. Others will derive great comfort from continuing the traditions that were a part of life with the one they loved. Just do what appeals to you. Embrace the opportunity to do something new or feel the warm hug of continuing the familiar.

If you are playing a supporting role to someone who is mourning, hold their hand and walk with them as they navigate their grief journey. Don’t judge. Remember, it’s their journey and their approach may be very different from what you think you would do or what you have done. Join them for the meatloaf and a talk about John and how he loved it or accompany your friend as he or she creates a new normal.

If you are mourning and are feeling stuck and lost, ask for help. Sometimes people who are struggling feel they must “give it some time,” try on their own. Think about that. Does it really make sense to go it alone? If you were stuck in the bottom of a well and a passerby offered help, would you say, “No thanks I really need to try to get out of this deep well on my own at least for a while”? Of course, you would not. Why not get help? What is the benefit? A grief counselor is a like a coach. They can’t do it for you, but they can help you find your way. Don’t be afraid to get a coach. Reach out to a professional grief counselor or perhaps your pastor. Find someone who knows grief and who can help you find your way.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Should We Take the Kids to Grand Pop’s Funeral

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Thu, 22 Aug 2024 03:27:04 GMT

Yes, IF the child wants to attend the funeral. Depending on the interest and age of the child, he or she may even want to participate in honoring a beloved grandparent by participating in some part of the service.

No, IF the child does not want to attend or if there are no adults available or in a position to attend to the child during the service hours.

Children who will attend a service should be told what to expect. If the casket will be open, they should be told in simple factual terms what their grandparent will look and feel like. They should know what adults will do and should be given the choice to approach the casket or know what they may do if they choose not to approach the casket. Before going to the funeral home children should be given an opportunity to ask any questions they have about the service or what will take place.

Very young children may be in attendance, not because they wish to attend, but because the adults in the family are all in attendance and there is no one to mind the children. In this case parents should talk with their funeral director in advance about what facilities are available for children. Many funeral homes provide play space, a video area or a break room where the younger children may be taken and entertained during the service. Parents should work out child minder duties among themselves well ahead of the service. Children should not be left unattended in the funeral home.

It is also important to consider how long the children will be in attendance and to bring quiet entertainment or snacks if they will be needed. Children should be assigned a go-to person so they know who can help them find a restroom or answer a question should they need help.

The adult who will be responsible for answering a child’s questions should be prepared to answer in the simplest of terms and then ask if the information provided has answered the question. You want to give just the right amount of information, not too much or too little. It’s a bit like the old story of the older brother who when his new sibling is brought home from the hospital asks, “Where did the baby come from?” The child in the story was looking for a location answer (the hospital) not a reproductive lesson.

Death is a part of life, all living beings eventually die. Regardless of if a child attends a grandparent’s funeral or not, the child should be told of the death and have an opportunity to ask questions. When asked and provided with the information they need to decide, children will let you know if they wish to attend a funeral.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Grief - No Right or Wrong in Grief

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 16 Aug 2024 13:23:23 GMT

This is the first in a series of blogs where we will examine some of the many “feelings” of grief and look at how one can actively navigate their way through their own personal grief journey.

Grief is defined as the response to loss. It is most often thought of in relation to death. When someone we know and cared about dies, we grieve. People also grieve other losses as well. Divorce and loss of a relationship can trigger a grief response. Other losses that link to grief include loss of function related to an illness or injury. Not being able to do something that you once did with ease is a trigger for grief. A person may grieve when a friend moves away, or a pet dies. There are many causes for grieving but always, there is a link to loss.

Grief is a natural response to the loss of someone or something dear. Grief is painful yet healthy. You cannot love and lose that love without experiencing grief. Grief is not a weakness. Only people who have had the joyful experience of loving strongly can also grieve deeply. Grief is to love as light is to dark and sunrise to sunset. One is a part of the other. To avoid experiencing grief in life, one must never care deeply for or love another.

The way we grieve is individual. Everyone experiences grief in their own unique way. There is no right way to feel. There is no wrong way to feel. Judging another’s grief, or even your own, is a fool’s errand. A person whose life was intricately entwined with the deceased is often considered justified in grieving. While another family member, who has been more distant, may be dismayed by their own intense grief reaction. The way one feels is just that, it is their feeling. It just is. Some who grieve are surprised at the range of emotions they feel. These feelings come and go and may change from day to day.

In 1969 Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote the book “On Death and Dying”. She described five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages have been criticized because they were incorrectly interpreted as being universally experienced in order. Today, Kubler Ross acknowledges the stages are not necessarily experienced in order and they are not experienced by everyone. It is now known that, although not universal, these five stages of grief are the most commonly observed in the grieving population. Kubler Ross’s stages are:

Denial – A numb feeling of disbelief

Anger – Why me? Life isn’t fair

Bargaining – Could I have prevented this? If only I would have …

Depression – Feeling bogged down in a fog, it’s just too much

Acceptance - The feeling that even though the loss is painful, you will be ok. “I am sad my husband died but I will be alright.”

Doctor Allen Wolfelt is a current writer on the subject of grief and mourning. He is the Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado and the author of The Journey Through Grief.

Dr. Wolfelt tells us: “To mourn is to be an active participant in our grief journeys. We all grieve when someone we love dies, but if we are to heal, we must also mourn.”

There are six “yield signs” you are likely to encounter on your journey through grief—what I call the “reconciliation needs of mourning.” For while your grief journey will be an intensely personal, unique experience, all mourners must yield to this set of basic human needs if they are to heal.

1. Acknowledge the reality of the death. ...

2. Embrace the pain of the loss. ...

3. Remember the person who died. ...

4. Develop a new self-identity. ...

5. Search for meaning. ...

6. Receive ongoing support from others…

When you look at the work and words of these two celebrated authors on the subject of death and grief, it is plain to see how a funeral service is connected to loss, grief, and healing. Before there were books and writers, human beings instinctively knew that when one of their own died, they needed to pause and do something. The funeral is only the beginning, it is not closure. However, the funeral does help with getting past denial and accepting the reality of death. It does support “embracing the pain of the loss and remembering the person who died.” The funeral is a healthy beginning to the work of grieving.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

How Much Will it Cost to Pre-Arrange My Funeral?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Thu, 08 Aug 2024 04:38:16 GMT

The actual meeting with the pre-need specialist at your local funeral home will be free. No cost. If after meeting with the specialist, you decide to plan your funeral in detail, there will be no cost associated with putting your wishes on file at the funeral home. Once you have determined what you want (your wishes), the funeral professional will be able to tell you exactly how much your funeral would cost today.

After you have determined today’s cost of the funeral that meets your desires and will satisfy your family’s needs, you will have choices. There are many options for how to pay in advance for your funeral. What works best for you and your family is personal. You’ll want to consider several factors.

· Your income

· Your expenses

· Your assets and where are they invested

It might be helpful to think in terms of buying a new car. If you needed a car, how would you be most comfortable covering the cost? Would you withdraw from your retirement account or investments and pay in one payment, or would you prefer to cover the cost on a monthly basis? Of course, the cost of a funeral is typically far less than a new car, but you do have similar options. Most funeral homes offer programs that allow an individual to pay for a funeral over three years, five years, 10 years or even 20 years when they are paying in advance. Of course, you can always pay the total amount in a single payment.

The actual dollar amount you would pay monthly is calculated based on the total cost of your funeral in today’s dollars. A more expensive funeral will come with a higher payment per month than a lower-cost choice. As you would expect, the 10 year payment plan will come with a lower per-month payment than a three-year payment plan.

In addition to the current cost, your age may be a factor that impacts the monthly payment amount. Many plans will pay off the balance owed should you die before completing the payment plan. This means older folks who choose to pay over time are a greater risk. So, as would be expected, they will have higher monthly payments than younger people.

The prearrangement specialist at your local funeral home can explain all of the benefits of prepaying for your funeral in advance of need as well as all the options available to you. At the conclusion of your funeral planning session, you can: 1) pay today’s cost in one payment, 2) choose a payment plan that suits your budget or 3) leave your plan (wishes) on file at the funeral home for your family to follow at the time of your death.

Prearrangement will allow you to make an informed choice and when the time comes, your family will not be caught unprepared.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Grief … Feeling Angry

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 03 Aug 2024 17:45:20 GMT

Your jaw is tight. It seems like those around you are caught up in trivial chores and chatter, everything they say and do is annoying. You want to be left alone, but when you are left alone you feel deserted, unimportant, and forgotten. There is no joy. You are angry. These angry feelings may be hard to accept for both the person with the angry feelings and those close to them who bear witness to the anger. Anger is a part of grief. Not everyone feels anger when they grieve but more people experience anger than we might expect. It’s not at all uncommon.

Being angry does not equate to bad behavior. It’s not a character flaw. It’s a feeling. Feeling angry at your situation, the person who died, or God is not unusual when someone has died, or experienced any profound loss. Still, knowing the feeling is not unusual does not change the fact that it is very uncomfortable to feel angry. No one wants to stay angry and most folks in a supporting role find it difficult and uncomfortable to be a witness to and deal with anger. So, what to do?

If you are a supporter, know it’s not about you. There is something behind anger and it’s most likely not something you did or did not do. Let the eruption pass and at a calmer moment you might let the person you support know you understand they are hurting, you care, and if there is a way you can help you will do your best.

When you are the one who is feeling angry, understand it’s not about you. You are not a bad person. You are experiencing a normal reaction to loss. The uncomfortable angry feeling is letting you know there is something you need to process. Maybe you can work it out on your own, or perhaps talking with a non-judgmental trusted friend will help. Some find a solution on their own when writing in their grief journal. Others find working with a professional counselor helps them identify the root of the anger and come up with an action plan to bring about relief. Your anger may be generated by fear or reluctance to move into an unwanted situation that death has forced upon you. Anger is usually a secondary feeling. It has its origin in another feeling.

Grieving takes time and everyone’s timeline is individual. When you are a part of a grieving group - a family of mourners - the anger can be triggered by the pace of activity. Ask yourself if things are moving too fast? Does your angry friend or family member need the pace to slow a bit? Are you giving the support that is needed when it’s needed or are you perhaps doing something that will need to be done eventually, but that other mourners are not yet ready for?

Death and loss are often the undoing of families. If you care to protect the integrity of the family group, you may need to move carefully. Watch for anger, be impeccable with your words and be slow to speak. Ask questions to make yourself understood. Work hard at communication. Diffuse anger. Let the anger of others roll off your back.

Remember, grief is difficult work. Also remember, nothing lasts forever. This too will pass.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Feeling Scared – The Emotions of Grieving

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 26 Jul 2024 20:09:37 GMT

When a person loses a spouse or life partner it’s not unusual to be afraid. Afraid of the future, the dark, and sleeping alone. After all, a lot has changed. When one half of a couple dies the person who is left behind has many adjustments to make. Some adjustments are small, and some are life changing. Long engrained roles are left unfilled. She paid all the bills, he cleaned the gutters, we shared the cooking. Now the one left behind must do it all. How often do you change a furnace filter? Why aren’t my scrambled eggs fluffy? Do I have enough money? Should I move close to my children? Can I live in my house alone? It’s easy to understand how a person can feel

overwhelmed and fearful.

You might just feel like staying in your PJ’s and sleeping all day. After all, you’re not sleeping at night! That’s a short-term strategy, but it’s not a long-term answer. You know what they say about eating an elephant? You have to go about it one bite at a time. That is the strategy for overcoming your fear. It’s not a pep talk you need. What you need is a plan.

First, begin by figuring out what has you feeling off center. Name the fear. What is keeping you awake at night? That may not be as easy as it sounds. In the haze of grief, it may be difficult to identify what is bothering you. Doing something about it can feel impossible.

Take a deep breath, give yourself a hug, you can do this. If you are journaling (highly recommended for those who are grieving) just let it pour out of your head onto the paper. If you are not journaling, make a list. Use the old strategy you learned in school, who, what, where, when and why. Who or what makes you feel scared? Where or when do you feel scared? Why are you scared?

If you need help identifying the root of your fear, get help. A grief therapist may be able to help you identify your fear. Some people find talking with their minister, priest or rabbi helpful. Your funeral director may be able to help you find a grief therapist in your area.

Second, identify your priorities. The list might be long, that’s okay. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Give yourself the gift of time. You can’t fix it all in a day, but you can get started. Choose one thing to work on. You might start with the easiest or the most pressing. It’s not so much where you begin, as it is that you begin. You will find that you feel much better when you get something on your list started.

Think about what might help. Suppose you are not sleeping well. Perhaps you haven’t been alone at night for a long time. Would a motion sensor light or a security system help you feel more comfortable? What might help you as you adjust to this new reality?

Third, think about who can help you and what you would like for them to do. Do you need to talk to your financial advisor? Do you need legal advice? Can a friend or one of your children help? Don’t be shy about asking for help. It’s a pretty safe bet that you have family or friends who have no idea what to do to support you, but who would love to help you if you ask. Do be specific about what you need. Ask your son-in-law to help you find a security system. The added security may help you sleep better at night.

Finally, review your plan. Is your solution a good one or just a Band-Aid? Eating poorly prepared or take-out food may seem like an easy answer, but it’s not the long-term answer to not being able to cook or get healthy food. Leaving the TV on all night might alleviate sleeplessness, but it’s not a good long-term plan for getting the rest your body needs. Ignoring the change in your financial situation won’t make it go away. It may even lead to a painful reality check down the road. If your plan has holes, dig a little deeper. Think. Ask for help. Make a small start.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Embalming: What’s the Purpose?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sun, 21 Jul 2024 18:49:25 GMT

When a loved one dies, family and friends don’t have much time to begin the process of a funeral. That’s why funeral homes are always prepared to help them learn about their options and guide them toward what’s right for them and right for the one they love. For many funeral homes, a part of funerals is embalming the decedent to prepare them for their loved ones’ goodbye. But what exactly is embalming? And why do we do it?

What is embalming?

Embalming is a common procedure that helps to slow the decomposition process after a decedent passes away. Embalmers use embalming fluid to accomplish this after preparing them through cleaning and massage. This is also when the embalmer will perform post-mortem surgery to help reconstruct a decedent who received grave, disfiguring injuries before their death. The embalmer will also ensure that the person looks like how they did in their lifetime. That typically means practicing mortuary cosmetology and giving the decedent a peaceful, comfortable look.

How did embalming start?

It’s estimated that about 50 percent of decedents are embalmed in the United States every year. But embalming has a history much longer than the U.S. has been around. The Ancient Egyptians were considered the first to engage in any form of embalming, though the way that they did it looks significantly different from how we embalm today.

A different form of embalming called arterial embalming was introduced to the public by Jean Gannal in 1838, and it’s that form of embalming that is more mainstream today. But you can thank the Civil War for why it became so popular. Many wealthy northern families wanted their loved ones sent home after they died on the battlefield. But because people begin decomposing just minutes after they die, shipping decedents home wasn’t easy. Field embalmings became a common way for Americans to attempt to send those men home to their families.

Embalming became a wartime activity, but it would take one very significant adopter of embalming to turn it from something done for soldiers into something done for everyone. After President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated, he was preserved through embalming to allow for him to travel across the country to his final resting place in Springfield, Illinois. Along the way, thousands of Americans came out to pay their respects. For many, this was the first time that they had ever seen an embalmed person. Since then, embalming has become a standard procedure for funerals and viewings.

Why are people embalmed?

Embalming cannot entirely stop the decomposition process, but it does slow it down, which is crucial for several reasons. If a loved one dies away from home, many states require that they are embalmed before being shipped back to their home state. But even if a loved one dies in the same place where they will hold their funeral, they may still have to be embalmed.

Every state has different rules and restrictions about when someone must be embalmed, but generally, most people must be embalmed if they are not either cremated or buried within 24 or 48 hours of their death. Considering that most funerals in the U.S. take place between three to seven days after a loved one’s death, it makes sense why embalming is so prevalent.

But ultimately, embalming is done for the decedent’s loved ones. Because people start to decompose so quickly after they die, someone who is not embalmed will not look like themselves when it comes time for the funeral or viewing. Saying goodbye to someone you love is always hard, but it becomes much more challenging when that person is unrecognizable. Embalming gives friends and family a chance to say a final goodbye to their loved one while that loved one looks like how they remember.

Embalming is a gift for family and friends, allowing them to see the one they love in a respectful, dignified state. Embalmers strive to make the decedent look as close to as they did in life as possible. When someone is embalmed, their loved ones will know that the last time they view the person they love, they will look like themselves, affording closure by seeing that they are at peace.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Is It Bad Luck to Plan Your Funeral in Advance?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sun, 14 Jul 2024 16:15:32 GMT

Definitely not. In fact, if one were to ask the children and family members of those who planned their funeral in advance how they felt about their family member’s foresight they would no doubt tell you they felt very lucky indeed.

Imagine this: your phone rings or buzzes or sings and you answer or check your messages only to find out someone you care about has died. Maybe they succumbed to a long and difficult illness or perhaps the death was caused by an accident or a sudden unexpected medical event. What happens next? If you are one of the family decision makers, you begin to come together. That coming together can mean a drive across town or it may involve booking a flight. It can mean a series of telephone calls or a Zoom style family meeting. There will be questions that need to be answered and decisions that must be made.

Where did the death occur? Who do you call to transport the body? Where will the body be taken? Which funeral home will be used? When will a service take place? Will there be burial, cremation or something else? Will there be a spiritual component? Who will prepare the death notice? Who will take care of writing the obituary? How much will everything cost and who will pay? How soon will funds be available? There will be many decisions that must be made in a short period of time.

Now, imagine there is a plan in place. Funeral arrangements have been made and paid for in advance, maybe even years before an illness was even known about. Imagine family members knowing exactly who to call, what will happen, how much it will cost and how all the services will be paid for. Luck is with those who prepare. It’s called making your own luck.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

It’s a Funeral … Go Ahead and CRY

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 05 Jul 2024 15:50:00 GMT

Should Americans get more comfortable with tears?

When it comes to funerals Americans can sometimes feel uncomfortable both shedding tears or observing their flow from a fellow mourner. Perhaps you have attended a funeral and noticed those who need to weep often leave the room? They retire to the restroom or go outside for a breather. Why? What triggers tears? What are tears made of? Is there any benefit to shedding tears?

Human beings actually shed, on average, between 15 and 30 gallons of tears each year. Both sexes cry. According to research, women cry an average of 3.5 times per month and men cry an average of 1.9 times a month. Tears are produced by the lacrimal gland located just above the eye. The lacrimal gland receives signals from both the autonomic nervous system and the frontal lobe of the brain. Humans produce three distinct types of tears. Each type has its own trigger, chemical make-up, benefit, and each looks different under a microscope.

Basal tears are in the eye all the time. They lubricate, nourish, and protect the cornea. Basal tears shield the eye from dirt and debris. They are made up of a protein-rich antibacterial liquid that helps keep the eyes moist every time a person blinks. Basal tears are not unique to humans, as animals also produce this type of tear. Under a microscope these tears look like delicate branches of a tree or undersea coral.

Reflexive tears/onion tears are the tears that are triggered in response to an irritant. Smoke, wind, and chemical irritants trigger these tears. They come in greater quantity than basal tears and contain more antibodies to help fight bacteria. Their job is to flush the eye of the irritating substance. Under a microscope these tears look like a close pattern of dense snowflakes.

Emotional tears are our funeral tears. They are also the ones we shed when we hear the national anthem and see our flag waving, watch our grandchild play the flute in her first music recital or score his first soccer goal. Emotional tears are amazing. These tears are unique to humans. They are triggered by the frontal lobe of our brain in response to our human experience. Their chemistry is different. They are thicker than our other tears making them more visible as they make their way down the cheek. These emotional tears contain additional proteins and hormones, they contain a natural pain killer as well as endorphins. Science is catching up to the ancient folk wisdom that says, “you’ll feel better after a good cry”. Under the microscope these tears actually look different based on the emotion that triggered them. Emotional tears look like fractured glass. ( Rose-Lynn Fishe r "The Topography of Tears")

People may try to suppress tears if they see them as a sign of weakness, but science suggests that doing so could mean missing out on a range of benefits. There is still much to learn about the science of tears, but newer research indicates:

1. Tears have a self-soothing effect. Shedding tears helps people regulate their own emotions, calm themselves, and reduce their own distress. Crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system which helps people relax.

2. Crying helps people get support from others around them. Human beings are social. Crying is an attachment behavior: it rallies support from people around us and has an interpersonal social benefit. The human body is simply marvelous. Emotional tears literally stick to our face so others can see we need help!

3. Weeping helps to relieve pain. Tears release oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals make people feel good and may ease both physical and emotional pain and promote a sense of well-being.

4. Crying may help lift people’s spirits and make them feel better. Oxytocin and endorphins can help improve mood.

Maybe it is time to embrace our tears—or at the very least, respond with a hug and kind words when we see someone at a funeral crying.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

65 or Over: Don’t Be a Fall Statistic

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Thu, 27 Jun 2024 16:18:07 GMT

According to the CDC, an older adult (age 65+) suffers a fall in the U.S. every second of every day, making falls the leading cause of injury and injury death in this age group. If you or someone you care about are in this age group, it is time to do a safety assessment and possibly make a few adjustments.

Footwear

· You are looking for support of the entire foot. Skip the mules, toss the stretched-out loafers, and go for shoes that stabilize the heel of the foot and fit snugly. Shoes that tie and have a non-slip sole are best. If you notice an older person is shuffling, not picking up their feet when they walk, check their shoes. House shoes/slippers should follow the same guidelines as outdoor footwear, closed in heel and non-slip soles.

Snow and Ice

· Can we just say, stay in during bad weather if possible? That means slowing down and doing a cost to benefit assessment before initiating action. Ask yourself, “why am I going out now?” Could the morning paper resting on the ice glazed driveway wait? Perhaps you could give the sun a chance to warm the pavement and melt the ice? What harm would come if you read the morning paper in the afternoon? We are all creatures of habit. We read our paper with our morning coffee; we get the mail from the box every day, sometimes the minute it arrives. Avoiding falls means slowing down, thinking it through, weighing the options and choosing safety over habit. When you do go out take the time to change into your boots, carry a walking stick or cane to help you stabilize, and choose the path that provides the most traction. Be sure someone knows you have gone outside or, if you are alone, take your cell phone with you.

Changing Position

· When moving from lying down (bed) to walking (to the bathroom) take your time. Sit on the edge of the bed, dangle your feet, give your head a moment to catch up to your new position. Then plant your feet squarely on the floor and wait one click before you take off for your destination. When moving from sitting to standing, plant your feet on the floor then push up using your thigh muscles to rise. Hint: Begin to preserve the strength in your thighs. When you reach your early 60s avoid using your arms to assist with getting from sitting to standing. Keep those thigh muscles strong as long as you can. Move. Move. Move.

Find a Safety Buddy

· Lots of seniors are spending more time alone these days. That means that if a fall does occur, they will be on their own. Finding someone who can act as a “safety buddy” for a senior living alone is a good idea. When the senior is going to do something “risky”, climb a ladder, wash windows, carry the Christmas tree to the basement, weed the garden, they would place a call to their safety buddy letting him or her know what they are going to do. The two would work together to determine how much time it will take to complete the task. The senior can pledge to call his buddy back when he has completed the dangerous task. That way if a fall occurs and the buddy doesn’t get his call back he will know to check in and get help if needed. Better yet, get help with dangerous tasks!

Keep Moving

· Inside or outside, keep moving and doing. Take a walk and take your phone with you. Walk your well-behaved dog. If you are a couch potato, clean up the space that surrounds you. Have you put too much of your stuff right at your fingertips so that you don’t need to move? Are you limiting your movement too much? If you are an impulsive/quick mover, slow down but do not stop. Keep your eye on where you are going when you move. Observe your surroundings and avoid the cracks in the sidewalk and the bumps in the road.

Accidents are not planned. They always come unexpectedly. Listen to the little voice in your gut or head. When it says something should wait, or you should get help, or what you are considering doing is risky - LISTEN. Resist the temptation to overrule that inner warning. Look for a safer way to complete the task or work on finding someone to help you.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Grief is Real

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 22 Jun 2024 15:08:44 GMT

According to the Mayo Clinic, grief is “the natural reaction to loss. Grief is both a universal and a personal experience. Individual experiences of grief vary and are influenced by the nature of the loss.”

There is a lot in the sentence above. Take a moment and let it all sink in. Grief is “natural.” It is not weakness. Grief is “universal.” Everyone feels grief. “Individual experiences of grief vary.” We all do grief in our own way.

Grief is most often thought of as the emotional response to loss. But it is more than just emotional. Grief also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, and spiritual manifestations. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Many psychologists tell us there is no way to avoid grief. There is no way around grief, only through. They counsel that to move beyond the pain of loss a person must feel grief.

Why does grief hurt? The source of the pain is found in the nature of the loss. We are accustomed to thinking of grief as the feeling we have when we have lost someone we loved. But grief can also occur because you have lost someone who loved you. A parent, child, sibling, partner, or friend who really got you. Someone who made you feel loved. That love may have been something you felt every day, or it may have been a subtle rudder to your life. A love you just knew was there even though you did not hear its voice daily. Sometimes the loss is not only the loss of someone we loved, but it is also a loss of the incoming love we received from that person.

Grief may also be triggered by a loss of purpose. When a child dies the mother no longer serves that mother role. When a husband leaves the wife is no longer a wife. When a person has been a caregiver and the person they cared for dies, the caregiver role is lost. It can be confusing for the person feeling this “loss of purpose” grief. Intellectually, a former caregiver may feel relieved their loved one is no longer suffering and may be dismayed at their own feelings of sadness. When providing care has filled a person’s day, loss of the caregiving role leaves a hole in their life. The feeling is grief.

Death, divorce, and break-ups all trigger loss. That can be loss of the future that the one left behind planned to have with the person who is gone. Loss of hope. With the death, divorce, or break-up comes the end of the hope of a cure or of making the relationship work. Gone is the hope of growing old together. Even if the loss occurs after the love has gone, there is emotional pain, grief.

Grief is difficult work. No one can expect to avoid the experience of grief. When the loss—and the grief that comes with it—is associated with a death, we have rituals anchored in thousands of years of tradition to help us. Funerals exist only because our collective experience as human beings have shown us that coming together, sharing our love of the deceased, and getting and giving a hug provides comfort and helps us as we begin the grief journey.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

My Spouse Died: Do I Really Need to Wait a Year to Move?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 14 Jun 2024 21:07:46 GMT

Nearly all experts say to wait at least six months to a year after a death or divorce before making big lifestyle changes like moving. Sometimes it is just not possible to allow yourself that much time. When that is the case, understanding the thinking behind this advice may help one avoid the pitfalls of making a quick move.

When a person loses a spouse, it changes everything. If it was a long marriage the survivor has been functioning as a half of a team for such a long time that making decisions alone is a totally new skill. In a marriage of shorter duration loss of a spouse manifests as loss of a future. It can feel like you do not know where you are going. In either case, adjusting to the new reality is a daunting task in and of itself.

Moving a household is third in the top three life stressors. Numbers one and two on that list are death of a spouse and divorce. That is why experts never suggest you take on moving when you have lost a spouse if it can be avoided. Moving is putting stress on top of stress.

However, sometimes there is not a choice. When that is the case, understand you will not be thinking as clearly as you normally would. You will also be tired; grieving takes a lot of energy. Consider taking smaller, less permanent steps. Perhaps rent instead of buying a home. If you can, stay near your old home. That will mean less change. You will not be totally lost. You can shop at the same grocery and go to the same doctor. You will be able to continue activities and see friends.

Moving always means packing and sorting belongings. That is a tall order under normal conditions; add grieving to the mix and it may feel overwhelming. Ask for help or hire help. If you can swing it, rent storage for six months and give yourself the gift of time. When you have lost the person you loved, objects associated with that person take on a heightened importance. Lightening your load to make a smaller space work for you or just to make the move itself more affordable may be overwhelming. If you can afford the luxury of putting off difficult sorting decisions, consider it money well spent. Be kind to yourself.

When it comes to the larger furniture pieces, plan carefully. The big stuff usually has less emotion attached to it and it is the costliest to move. Measure your sofa, bed, and dining table. Go to your proposed new space and tape off the space where you plan to place these large objects. If the sofa is going to be too large do not move it, sell or donate instead. Use the dollars you save on moving to purchase pieces that fit your new space.

The important thing is that you are able to rest and relax in your new space. That will not be possible if it is stuffed with too many items. You need room to breathe. You don’t need to feel overwhelmed by objects.

Most importantly, ask for help and accept offers of help. Be specific about what you need your helpers to do. Let go. No one will do everything exactly as you would. Lean in, take a deep breath, eat healthy, and rest.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Why Children Should Be Included in a Funeral

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 08 Jun 2024 17:20:28 GMT

When a child falls and scuffs a knee, we kiss the boo-boo. A boo-boo kiss doesn’t really make the injury “all better” but, it is an important first step. It acknowledges the injury. The child is comforted that an adult is in charge. They know they are not alone. The hurt knee might need stitches, or it might just need some soap and water and a super hero bandage. Either way, the boo-boo kiss is the first step to things falling into order.

A funeral is like a boo-boo kiss. Everyone needs to start somewhere when someone in the family dies. The funeral, regardless of its form, acknowledges that life has changed for everyone. Gathering together provides an opportunity to give and receive comfort. It provides an opportunity to share memories. The child can see that he is not alone in his feelings of sadness. The funeral is for all family, friends, and, yes, the kids.

Psychocologytoday.com suggests that children be asked if they wish to attend the funeral. The child chooses. This means an adult should be able to tell the child what she can expect so the choice is an informed one.

When children are a part of the family experiencing loss, they should be considered from the very beginning of funeral preparations. Those family members making arrangements, should ask the funeral director about how children will be accommodated. Ask about a family lounge where kids may take a break. Ask if you can bring snacks for the younger ones.

The adults in charge should be sure they have all the information needed so they can properly prepare the children in the family. A funeral isn’t easy, it does not make the loss less acute, and nothing can make it “all better.” A funeral is an important first step to a healthy adjustment to loss. Kids should be included to the extent they wish to be.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Planning a Memorial Service: Do it Yourself or Call the Funeral Director?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 31 May 2024 18:15:16 GMT

Who fixes the toilet at your house? The self-appointed plumber or the professional plumber? Some call the professional before the not-so-handy handy person takes the lid off the tank. We know, from experience, what happens once that lid hits the floor and the tools come out. It all starts out calm, cool and collected. The fixer asks all family members if they just happen to have one of those little ball chains laying around. Then it progresses to a shout to turn off the main (because water is spraying all over the bathroom) rapidly. What we end up with is a handle that must be jiggled just so after each flush and a big mess on the bathroom floor. Not to mention the hurt feelings and self-esteem issues when the professional is finally called.

Sometimes a professional is just the best possible choice. This is equally true when it comes to planning a memorial service. Call the funeral director. The funeral director knows how to put together a memorial service that will meet your family’s needs. The funeral director is a skilled communicator. That means he knows how to listen and mediate just in case family members are not on the same page. The funeral director has done this many times before. He knows who can help with the pictures, the food, the music, the doves, the bagpipers, the fireworks, whatever it takes to help your family honor the life of the one you lost.

Funeral directors are trained professionals. They have met the educational requirements of your state. They have passed the exam. In most instances they have served a lengthy apprenticeship. They have not only learned how to take care of the body of the deceased, they have learned how to take care of YOU.

Jiggling the toilet handle after each flush is a mild annoyance. Tip toeing around your sibling because the memorial for your parent was not just right is so much bigger. Call the funeral home and ask how they can help you.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What if I Change My Mind About Cremation After I Pre-plan My Funeral?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 25 May 2024 14:08:20 GMT

As we put our work life in the rearview mirror and fast forward into the much-anticipated retirement years, it is really very common to want to get our ducks in a row. This usually includes financial planning, health care planning, legacy planning, and advance planning for how our closing ceremony will be carried out.

Taking care of all of these tasks usually leaves people with a sense of relief. Once all the responsible things have been taken care of, we get to shake off the cloak of responsibility we have been wearing for a long time. Yippee! We are retired. For a few years at least, we can go where we want to go and do what we want to do. Something most retirees haven’t had the luxury of doing in a very long time.

Occasionally, there is some hesitation about planning for the closing ceremony. Everyone knows they can adjust their finances as the economic situation changes. They know they can change their advance directives and their power of attorney for health care or change their will. But they seem to feel if they make decisions regarding their final disposition, burial or cremation, that decision will be carved in stone. Not so.

Any of the funeral plans made with your funeral home can be changed or amended. Just as with the will, advance directives, and financial plans, as long as you live, you have the power to make changes.

If your plan included cremation and you find being cremated no longer feels right for you or your family, the plan can be changed. You would simply call the funeral home and set up an appointment with the staff member in charge of advanced funeral planning. Tell them you want to review the funeral plan you have on file. The funeral director will help you bring your plan in line with your current wishes. Of course, the same is true if you wish to change your plan from burial to cremation. Or, if your faith has changed and you want to include a new church in your plan.

In short, no one need avoid planning for their closing ceremony because they are not 100% sure about the burial or cremation choice.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Memorial Day

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 17 May 2024 16:42:20 GMT

Each year when Memorial Day approaches, American citizens get some mixed messages about what the holiday is really about. For many people, Memorial Day is a day off from school or work where they can engage in a BBQ or spend their first day at the beach of the year. But that’s not really what Memorial Day was created for. So, why do we celebrate Memorial Day? And how can we celebrate it with the origin in mind?

Why Do We Celebrate Memorial Day?

Originally known as Decoration Day, the United States has been observing Memorial Day since the years following the Civil War. By the late 1860s, Americans had begun holding tributes for the countless fallen soldiers of the war. The Civil War claimed more American lives than any conflict in U.S. history and led to the creation of the first national cemeteries. Many Americans began visiting the cemeteries during this unofficial holiday to decorate graves with flowers and recite prayers.

Though the holiday was originally meant to honor the fallen soldiers of the Civil War, it has since grown to commemorate the lives of all military personnel lost in any war. Though the first official Decoration Day was on May 30, 1868, it’s believed that the traditions date back earlier, just on different days. However, once Decoration Day began, many Northern states adopted the custom. By 1890, each Northern state had made it an official holiday. However, Southern states honored the dead on separate days.

The day eventually became known as Memorial Day and continued to be honored on May 30. But in 1968, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act. The act declared Memorial Day a federal holiday, but it changed the date to the last Monday in May to establish a three-day holiday weekend for federal workers.

While many people today consider Memorial Day to be the unofficial start of summer and a day filled with family get-togethers in the newly-emerged summer sun, it’s important to remember it’s more of a day for commemoration than celebration.

How Can You Honor a Fallen Soldier on Memorial Day

1. Fly flags that honor soldiers.

Many Americans choose to fly the American flag on Memorial Day as a symbol of patriotism and to honor those who have fallen. However, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs, there are specific guidelines on how to fly it. You should fly the flag at half-staff from sunrise until noon. Then, it should be swiftly raised to the top of the staff until sunset. You can also choose to fly additional meaningful flags for the U.S. military, such as the POW/MIA flag , a reminder of the missing and imprisoned soldiers of the Vietnam War.

2. Place flowers on a veteran’s grave.

Families often visit cemeteries on Memorial Day to decorate the graves of family members who were veterans. It’s a beautiful way to say thank you to these fallen soldiers. However, if you don’t have a veteran in your own family, you can visit a veterans’ cemetery to decorate other graves. The Department of Veterans Affairs keeps a database of all the veterans' cemeteries so you can find one near you.

3. Wear red poppies.

World War I took the lives of an estimated 8.5 million soldiers. Across northern France and Flanders, or northern Belgium, clashes between the Allied and Central Powers destroyed the fields and forests, taking countless lives with them of soldiers and civilians alike. But in the spring of 1915, bright red poppies began appearing in the battle-scarred land. Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae used the poppies as inspiration for his poem, “In Flanders Fields,” which was written from the point of view of the fallen soldiers.

The poppy has since gone on to become a symbol of remembrance . It’s not just an American tradition, though. Several countries don the poppy every November 11 to commemorate the 1918 armistice. However, in the U.S., the poppy is more closely associated with Memorial Day. To wear a red poppy in the U.S. is to honor those who have sacrificed their lives in the name of their country.

4. Support a charity for fallen soldiers and their families.

A part of honoring fallen soldiers is recognizing how much they left behind in the service of their country. Those who died protecting their country had families who loved them and now may struggle through their loss. Whether you’re able to donate money or time, Memorial Day is a great day to spend time helping these families. However, it’s worth remembering that these people need help year-round, so try to look out for opportunities throughout the year to donate what you can.

5. Participate in a Memorial Day event.

Many cities and towns throughout the U.S. hold Memorial Day events, such as parades or walks. These events often raise funds for military-based charities, but they’re also an opportunity to shine a light on what Memorial Day is really about. Be on the lookout for events in your area. If you have the ability, get involved with the creation of the event to ensure that it’s befitting of Memorial Day’s history.

6. Pause for the National Moment of Remembrance.

Each year on Memorial Day, there’s a National Moment of Remembrance. Lasting just one minute at 3 p.m., Americans are asked to silently reflect upon their freedoms and the sacrifices that were made to uphold them. You may also listen to “Taps,” which is often played on local radio stations to commemorate the moment.

Memorial Day is a time to reflect and give thanks to the people who gave their lives to ensure your freedoms today. It’s a day to honor lost lives and support the loved ones those soldiers left behind. They all have sacrificed much. It’s important that we do what we can to give back.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Transporting a Deceased Loved One

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 10 May 2024 18:25:39 GMT

There are many reasons why your loved one would have to travel after their death. Perhaps they were away from home at the time of their death, and they need to be brought back to their hometown for their funeral. Or maybe they retired to another state, but they wanted their final resting place to be where they spent most of their life.

Perhaps one of the most famous instances of post-mortem travel was when President Abraham Lincoln was brought across the country to his final resting place in Springfield, Illinois, when citizens throughout the country came out on his journey to pay their respects. But much has changed in regards to transporting decedents since his day. So, what goes into transporting a deceased loved one?

Who makes arrangements for transporting decedents?

In general, a funeral director will need to make the arrangements. Your first step is to contact the funeral home your loved one chose or one you trust. From there, they will work with the funeral home who picked up your loved one to prepare them for transport. If you are sending them across state lines, be aware that there may be some regulations in terms of how they travel. Most often, your loved one will need to be embalmed or refrigerated before they are able to travel. Depending on your state’s laws, you may also need a burial transit permit , which allows the custody of your loved one to move from one funeral home to another.

How can your loved one be transported?

You have several options when it comes to transporting your loved one. If they only need to go a short distance, you may have the choice to have them travel by car. Check with your funeral home to ask if that’s a service that they offer. Most funeral homes charge by the loaded mile, and the price range can vary. Another option for land transportation would be to have your loved one travel by train. Instead of charging by the loaded mile, you’d instead be paying a rail shipment fee. In both cases, there is also a fee for preparing your loved one for transport.

However, if your loved one died far from their final resting place, you’re most likely going to have to use air transportation. In this case, you’ll need the help of someone recognized by the TSA as a “known shipper.” Luckily, most funeral homes have this status. The known shipper will prepare your loved one for their journey by placing them in a specialized container, which will then be stored in the cargo hold.

Whether you choose train travel or air travel, because of the distance between locations, you’ll actually be working with two funeral homes: one where your loved one is and one where you want them to be. The funeral director at the destination will handle transporting your loved one to their funeral home.

Can you drive your loved one on your own?

It is possible to drive your loved one yourself, but it’s essential that you follow the rules for transporting a decedent in your state and across state lines. Your loved one must be sealed in the right kind of shipping container, and you may have to embalm or refrigerate them before traveling, depending on what’s required by law. Because funeral directors do have more experience transporting decedents, you will likely want to consult with your loved one’s funeral home before attempting to make the trip yourself.

Can you transport ashes instead?

Carrying ashes to another destination is significantly easier than transporting a loved one. There are no regulations on traveling with ashes across state lines, but the TSA has some rules if you’re flying with your loved one’s cremated remains . Your bag will have to go through screening, whether it’s carry-on or checked luggage. To make screening easier, it’s better for those ashes to not be in a standard urn and instead be in a container made of lighter-weight material, like plastic. If you’re hoping to check your bag, be aware that, despite the fact that the TSA allows ashes in checked luggage, every airline has different regulations and some won’t allow ashes to travel this way. Always call the airline to check for its restrictions.

If you intend to ship the ashes by mail, the USPS is the only shipping company that allows this. However, there are rules in regards to how you package and ship them, so make sure that you’re following the USPS’s guidelines .

When you lose a loved one and they’re away from home, their journey to their final resting place can be a difficult one. But with the help of funeral professionals and an understanding of your state’s laws, their trip can cause you less stress and give you peace of mind while you plan their funeral.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Preparing for a Funeral: Gathering Pictures

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 03 May 2024 20:01:56 GMT

A funeral should be a celebration of your loved one’s life, and to create this feeling, ensure that they surround their guests at their funeral. Gathering photos for their funeral is one way to make their presence felt. Those photos hold stories that show who your loved one was. And when you gather photos beyond your own supply, you end up with many different stories, including some you yourself didn’t even know. When you collect pictures for a funeral, you’re getting a chance to walk down memory lane and invite your family and friends on that journey with you. Here are a few tips for collecting photos and videos for your loved one’s funeral.

How to Gather and Display Pictures for a Funeral

1. Consider creating a Dropbox or Google Drive to keep everything in one place.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed while planning the funeral. And although it might not sound like a lot of stress to collect photos, when you’re dealing with grief, even the small things can become anxiety-inducing. Rather than getting bombarded by emails with photos, send your family and friends one email containing a Dropbox or Google Drive link where they can upload their images and videos all to one place.

2. Dedicate a time and location for photo gathering.

Especially if your loved one was older and didn’t have many digital photos, you will want to go through their old photo albums for images to share at the funeral. Before you convene for the funeral, ask your family and friends to come over to your loved one’s house to go through those albums and maybe collect a few other mementos to bring to the funeral. Gathering photos with family members is a very emotional experience, and seeing your loved one’s happy memories can be painful so soon after their passing. But sharing this time with family and friends can also help you on your journey through the grieving process. All of that emotion you’re experiencing can aid your healing.

3. Decide how you want to use the photos.

Often, pictures decorate a funeral. Alongside flowers, they make a funeral space brighter and livelier. But there are other ways to use photos and even videos at funerals. You could decide to make a memorial slideshow, which can be shown during the ceremony, complete with music and voiceover, or play silently in the background of a memorial celebration. Using a digital slideshow gives you more options as to what type of media you want to use, including videos and voice recordings.

For memorial slideshows, it’s helpful to aim to tell a story and follow some sort of progression. You could opt to have the slideshow start from their earliest baby pictures all the way until their last image, with their life story filling out between. Or you could focus on something important to who they were in life, like displaying a slideshow that shows how much they loved to travel.

Before making a slideshow, check with your funeral home to be sure they have a projector or monitors to display the photos and videos on. Funeral homes often do, but you’ll need to provide one if not. You could also decide to have the slideshow play in a digital frame, but keep in mind that most of these types of frames don’t play audio.

And remember that the most important thing are the photos, videos, and other pieces of content in your slideshow. Even if you’re not the most tech-savvy, you can still put together a meaningful slideshow using relatively simple and free programs like Google Slides.

Talk to your funeral home about what options they have for displaying photos. In addition to asking if they have projectors or monitors for memorial slideshows, ask about their printing services. Many funeral homes will print photos for poster boards or foam core boards, which can be displayed on easels throughout the funeral.

4. Collaborate with your friends and family on photo displays.

A memorial slideshow is just one way to show significant pictures of your loved one. You could also opt to make a collage or even a memorial tree . Get creative with how you display the photos. Maybe a family member passed away who loved to bake and had hundreds of recipes their loved ones enjoyed over the years. Consider printing up a book of their recipes with their pictures throughout the pages. The book adds to the storytelling aspect of sharing photos at a funeral. Guests can peruse the recipes that they’ve come to know and love alongside their loved one’s smiling face. You can even consider making multiple copies to give away after the funeral to close family and friends.

Just like with photo collecting, creating displays for the funeral can get emotional. Call up some of your loved one’s family and friends and ask them for their help. Working together on a meaningful project can help everyone through their grieving process.

No matter how you gather pictures and display them, it’s essential that you don’t feel isolated. In fact, any form of funeral planning is better when you’re working together, as you explore old memories and be together while you grieve. Make collecting and displaying photos into a creative project that celebrates your loved one and all those who remain with you.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

How Quickly Do We Need to Have the Service After the Death of a Loved One?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 26 Apr 2024 11:52:08 GMT

Losing a loved one can trigger a very stressful time in someone’s life, especially if they are tasked with planning and holding that loved one’s funeral. In addition to grieving, they have to decide on the big details about the decedent’s funeral and their final resting place. And having to make those decisions can raise a lot of questions. Should they be cremated or buried? Will they be embalmed or refrigerated? And when exactly do you have to hold the service after your loved one’s death?

When should you have the service after the death of a loved one?

In the U.S., funerals typically happen within three to seven days after a loved one’s death. One week generally gives family and friends time to gather to say goodbye to the decedent. However, these numbers are based on an embalmed or refrigerated decedent. Embalming or refrigeration slows the decomposition process, so an embalmed or refrigerated person can have a funeral up to a week after their death.

If you don’t want to embalm your loved one, when do you have to have the service?

It’s estimated that 50 percent of people in the United States are embalmed, but what about everyone else? There is no federal law that requires people to be embalmed, and any funeral home stating that there is one is breaking the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule . However, each state does have specific rules about when a person must be cremated or buried if they’re not embalmed. Depending on what state you’re in, you may have less time to bury or cremate than you think. It’s crucial to be familiar with your state’s laws before making any plans, as you may only have one day to hold the funeral before having to bury your loved one. It’s worth noting that if your loved one has to travel across state lines after death to reach their funeral and final resting place, they will likely have to be embalmed.

However, some people may choose to avoid embalming or their religion may require that they not embalm. Refrigeration is another option to delay a funeral and slow the decomposition process, though embalming is generally considered more effective. Most funeral homes have refrigerated storage for families who choose not to embalm. It’s best to talk to a funeral director about your options for taking care of your loved one while you plan their funeral as they may be able to provide more specifics on their refrigeration or embalming processes.

But generally, when you work with a funeral home, your loved one will be refrigerated for between eight and 24 hours before embalming. If you don’t want to embalm at all, most mortuaries offer short-term refrigeration, which can allow you to delay the funeral for up to two weeks. Always check with your state law to be sure that refrigeration is considered a suitable alternative to embalming and will allow you to delay the burial or cremation process.

If you choose to cremate your loved one before their funeral, you don’t need to worry much about timing. In that case, you have far more time to plan the service since it’s not dependent upon the condition of the loved one. Some people may even choose to have the funeral a month after the loved one’s death if they were cremated.

How long does it take to plan a funeral?

How quickly a funeral must happen after a loved one’s death is one of many reasons why pre-planning your funeral is a significant gift that you can give your family. When you pre-plan your funeral, you’re essentially giving your family a blueprint for the big questions that take so much time debating and answering otherwise. Should the service be religious or secular? What kind of music should be played when? Is there something your loved one would have preferred instead of flowers, like donations to a beloved charity? When your family already has those questions answered for them, there’s less stress and time involved in the planning process, making seven days seem like plenty of time to make a funeral happen.

If your loved one did not pre-plan their funeral, that doesn’t mean that you can’t plan one in seven days. In fact, with the help of an experienced funeral director, you can plan a funeral in just hours. Working with a funeral home’s staff can take some of the stress out of planning, and they’ll be able to guide you toward creating an event that celebrates who your loved one was.

Planning and hosting a funeral can be a very trying experience. While working through your grief, you wonder whether you’re making the right decisions for your loved one. If your loved one did not pre-plan their funeral, it could feel like there’s an enormous weight on your shoulders. Working with a funeral director can help alleviate some of that stress and ensure that, whether it happens in one day, seven, or 14, you’re holding a funeral that’s a true celebration of who your loved one was.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Who Should Write the Obituary?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 19 Apr 2024 02:14:52 GMT

When a loved one dies, posting an obituary is an essential part of the funeral planning process. Obituaries tell community members when and where the funeral will be, but they also share just how special your loved one was with the world. But who writes obituaries? There are a few options and restrictions when an obituary is published.

Where do you publish an obituary?

When you work with a funeral home, it’s likely that you’ll be publishing an obituary to their website. Many funeral home websites share the obituaries of decedents they are serving. These obituaries are often free of charge, and they can also function as somewhat of an online memorial book. It’s common for funeral home websites to have a tribute wall, where family and friends can engage. There they can share memories or words of support, but it’s also where they can upload photos, which helps you when you’re looking to gather photos for the funeral. A funeral home obituary can also make it easy for your loved ones to order flowers or other items through the funeral home, ensuring that their gifts arrive in time for the ceremony.

For religious loved ones, you could also share their obituary on their church’s website or in local religious publications. If your loved one was well-known in their industry, you could contact industry publications to ask them to print the obituary. You can also share the obituary on social media to reach extended family and friends directly. Perhaps the easiest option is to write an obituary for the funeral home website and then share that directly on social media. That way, your family and friends will have the link to the funeral home’s location, donation services, and other important information.

We often think of obituaries as being associated with newspapers, but whereas an obituary on a funeral home website is free, writing one in a newspaper can get very expensive fast. Still, a newspaper obituary can allow you to reach members of your community who aren’t connected to you via social media. It’s up to you if you think the cost of publishing an obituary in a newspaper is worth reaching that additional audience.

Who should write the obituary?

Whether you’re taking out a newspaper obituary or just planning to share one on social media, you have a few options for how you want it written. Many funeral homes offer obituary writing services, which can take some stress off of family members. If you choose to have a funeral director write your loved one’s obituary, make sure that you provide them with enough information to paint a picture of who they really were. When a funeral director writes an obituary, they will need to rely on you to describe your loved one’s life.

Your other option would be to write the obituary yourself. Even if you don’t feel like much of a writer, writing an obituary is less about perfect words and more about telling the story of who your loved one was. The best obituaries tend not just to share a person's biographical information. They don’t tell the reader who they were; they show them through stories and memories. They demonstrate the decedent’s sense of humor, inquisitive mind, and other aspects of what made them unique. A funeral director would have a more challenging time writing those stories because they weren’t there. Even if you recount those memories to them, it can be difficult for a funeral director to truly understand and share your loved one’s voice.

If you’re hoping for an obituary where you tell your loved one’s story, you’re likely better off writing it yourself. But if it’s a more straightforward obituary, where you don’t have the space to go too in-depth, letting a funeral director write it can take some stress off your mind.

What should be in an obituary?

Newspapers generally have a character limit . If you’re taking out a newspaper obituary, you’ll likely have to keep it short and to the point. Expect to pay more if you end up going over the limit. For a shorter obituary, you should include:

● Your loved one’s full name

● Their age

● Their date and place of birth

● Their date and place of death

● Where they lived

● Their closest family members, including parents, spouses, and children

● When and where their funeral service will be held

● Information on where donations can be sent

You may find that all that information fills up the character limit, or you could have some space to go more into detail about their life. But since newspaper character limits are usually pretty strict, you may have to save all that background for an obituary you can share elsewhere. In addition to the above information, a more extended obituary can include:

● Your loved one’s profession

● Their hobbies

● Their education

● Their volunteer work

● Interesting tidbits about what made them unique

Funeral home websites generally don’t have as much of a set limit, so it’s up to you to determine how long you want your loved one’s obituary to be. You’ll have much more space to show readers just how special your loved one was than if you used a newspaper alone.

Whether you’re writing an in-depth obituary or a shorter, simpler one, you can choose to write it yourself or have a funeral home staff member write it for you. But if you do decide to have someone else write it, be sure that you provide the writer with not only plenty of background information but also stories that show who your loved one was.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What is Prolonged Grief?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 12 Apr 2024 17:00:49 GMT

Grief is a normal part of life. After losing a loved one, most people will experience grief in some form. That feeling can go on for a while, but as the adage goes, “Time heals all wounds.” As anyone who has ever lost someone very close to them will tell you, time may help, but it doesn’t fully heal. Years after that person’s death, you’ll still think of them, still wish they were around, but you’ll have moved on with your life. The wound will still hurt from time to time, but the feeling of grief will no longer be all-encompassing.

At least, that’s what traditional grief looks like. However, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) has recently coined a term for when grief doesn’t heal the way it’s expected to. In the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), a new entry has been added: prolonged grief disorder (PGD) . The admission comes at a time when so many are experiencing grief in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. How can we all move on following such mass death? The answer is that not everyone is moving on at all.

Why is prolonged grief disorder different?

PGD happens when someone close to the bereaved has died within at least six months for children and at least 12 months for adults. Children and adolescents may develop a preoccupation with death and the circumstances around it. On the other hand, adults are more likely to develop intense longings for the deceased. But the main thing that makes this different from normal grieving is that those feelings are disruptive to the point that you severely struggle to function in your everyday life.

Any form of grief may make it harder to get through the day, but what marks prolonged grief disorder is just how much more of a struggle it is. Some symptoms include:

● A feeling that part of you has died too

● An unwillingness to accept that your loved one has died

● Intense emotional pain, which could manifest as anger, sadness, or even bitterness

● An inability to be around other people

● Emotional numbness

● Intense loneliness

● A belief that life is meaningless

● A loss of interests, hobbies, and other things that used to make life more enjoyable

For a professional to diagnose you, these intense reactions must be ongoing most of the day, every day, for at least a month. Although anyone could have PGD, studies have indicated that it’s most common in women. Children and adolescents can also have the disorder, but it’s worth noting that, in general, children’s emotional reactions are stronger. Keeping this in mind, a doctor may be more hesitant to diagnose a child with PGD.

Why is prolonged grief disorder controversial?

PGD came about after studies dating back several decades concluded that people were experiencing bereavement beyond culturally accepted norms. So although the timing of the APA adding PGD to the DSM may make it seem like it’s just a reaction to the COVID-19 pandemic, the reality is that people have been struggling with prolonged grief for much longer.

However, not everyone is happy that PGD is now an accepted disorder by the APA. Because grief manifests differently for everyone, some experts are concerned that mental health professionals will be diagnosing many people with false positives simply because their emotions may be a little stronger than “normal grief.” Calling someone who is grieving the death of a loved one “mentally ill” could have negative consequences for anyone struggling to find normalcy in bereavement.

Ultimately, though, the addition of PGD to the DSM may prove to be a good thing for grief sufferers and grief researchers. Because PGD is a recognized disorder, researchers will be more likely to secure funding to study the disorder and grief in general. Additionally, mental health professionals providing care for grief sufferers will be more likely to be reimbursed for their treatment, making grief treatment more accessible, especially if they need long-term care.

Is there treatment for prolonged grief disorder?

PGD can persist indefinitely without treatment, leading to substance abuse, suicidal thinking, sleep disturbances, and impaired immune function. However, with treatment, the prognosis is much brighter.

PGD may sound similar to depression , but it actually doesn’t improve with traditional depression treatment, like antidepressants. PGD is unique in how it affects our brains. Essentially, PGD is more like an addiction. By refusing to acknowledge that a loved one has died, we reward ourselves by living in blissful ignorance. We don’t want to lose that reward. PGD treatment relies on managing reminders of your loved one’s death, strengthening relationships, and understanding grief.

A feeling of hopelessness can mark PGD, but with treatment, there is hope that you can continue with your life. You’ll likely still miss your loved one, and sometimes missing them may hurt a little more than usual, but the goal with treating PGD is for you to be able to live a fulfilling and active life, even if they’re not there to live it with you.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Is It Okay to Laugh and Smile at a Funeral?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 05 Apr 2024 03:08:33 GMT

It’s common to see tears shed at a funeral. What’s less common is to hear uproarious laughter. Why would someone laugh during a funeral? Well, it happens more often than you’d think. But is it okay to laugh and smile at someone’s funeral? Whether or not it’s all right to get the giggles depends on many factors.

Is It Okay to Smile at a Funeral?

It’s not only okay to smile at a funeral but it’s also encouraged, especially when greeting the bereaved. Seeing someone smile at us can help lift our spirits. It’s also a nonverbal way of showing support. Seeing a flood of sad faces can make the bereaved feel more overwhelmed, but seeing a smile can ease some of that tension.

A smile is also not in any way disruptive. Smiling during a eulogy isn’t going to upset anyone, nor would it draw any unwanted attention to you. So, if something makes you smile, don’t repress it. And try to muster up a friendly smile when talking to the deceased’s loved ones.

Is It Okay to Laugh at a Funeral?

This question is trickier. Yes, it’s okay to laugh at a funeral, but there is a time and a place for it. Funerals don’t always have to be a strictly somber event. They can be a celebration of life. And one way to celebrate that life is by remembering all the beautiful times you had together. If you’re standing around recounting old stories with friends and family, and one story makes you giggle, you’re not being rude. You’re celebrating the full life the deceased lived.

The same rules apply to the eulogy. It can feel strange to laugh during a eulogy, but if the speaker is clearly telling a funny story or even a joke to lighten the mood, you should feel free to laugh. It’s not impolite to laugh when it’s clear that was the intention of the eulogist.

Death can cause anxiety, and laughter can help relieve that feeling. So don’t hold back laughter if the situation calls for it. But you might want to try to repress that laughter if it’s coming out inappropriately. Sometimes, when people feel so much anxiety, they laugh hysterically, even if nothing is funny. These moments of laughter aren’t okay at a funeral, especially if they happen during a more somber time, like if a eulogist is telling a story that’s definitely not funny. That sort of laughter can be disruptive and can call unwanted attention to you when the spotlight should be on the deceased's life.

What Do I Do If I Start Laughing?

If your anxiety has bubbled into laughing uncontrollably, you may want to remove yourself until you calm down. But you can also try other techniques to relieve your stress. Try taking deep breaths. Take a breath in and count to four, hold for four, breath out for four, and then hold for four. Do this repeatedly until you feel calmer.

If that doesn’t work, try closing your eyes and imagining you’re in a safe, comfortable place while you breathe. Doing so will help you forget about what’s causing your anxiety long enough for you to stop laughing.

Something you may feel inclined to do is chastise yourself for laughing or remind yourself that you’re “supposed to feel sad.” Forcing yourself to feel sad when you’re already likely sad will make your anxiety worse, which will make your laughter worse. Be patient with yourself because the angrier you get with yourself, the more likely you’ll just keep laughing.

It is more than okay to laugh and smile at a funeral, but it’s essential to recognize that there is a time and a place for laughter. If you find yourself laughing when it’s not appropriate, remove yourself or take measures to lessen your anxiety. But don’t feel bad if you laugh at a joke — that moment of laughter is good for everyone.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What Do I Do With The Flowers?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 30 Mar 2024 15:58:43 GMT

After any funeral, there are still a lot of questions about what comes next. In addition to dealing with grief, loved ones have to take care of the deceased’s estate and their final wishes. And although sending flowers to a funeral is a kind gesture, those flowers add another thing to do for the bereaved. Flowers brighten up any funeral, but what can you do with them after the funeral is over? Here are a few options to either keep and create a memorial keepsake or donate them and make someone else’s day.

Donate the flowers — mindfully.

A few places that you could donate to include a church, retirement home, or hospice care facility. Before you donate, give the location of your choice a call to confirm that they can accept flowers. The answer is often yes, but it’s better to be sure before you head over to deliver them.

It’s essential to keep in mind, though, that you might have to do some rearranging with the flowers before you deliver them. Donating an arrangement in the shape of a cross wouldn’t be exactly fitting if you were to send the flowers to a secular location. Or, if the arrangement is very oversized, the people you’re attempting to donate to might not want the hassle of having to find a place to put all of it.

It’s also crucial that you remove any cards from the arrangements before donating them. A card that says “I’m sorry for your loss” might be upsetting or at least not well-received at a hospice care facility.

Place them at another gravesite.

Instead of donating to the living, you could also donate to someone else who has already passed on. Fresh flowers on a grave are always a welcome sight. They add some beauty to the cemetery, and for many people, it’s a way to show respect and love for the spirits of those no longer with us.

Preserve the flowers and gift them to loved ones.

Flowers on their own, of course, will not last forever. But you can preserve them to create memorial keepsakes. Preserving flowers is an easy process. All you have to do is put the flowers between two pieces of paper and close those sheets of paper inside a heavy book. Let the flowers dry out for a few days, then remove them. The flowers should be pressed and dried once you take them out.

You could leave the flower as is and create a keepsake from there, as a memorial bookmark, or just simply decorate with the flower on its own. But you could also create a shadow box with the flowers inside, alongside other trinkets that remind you of your loved one.

If you want to take things a step further, you could take the flowers apart to use them in other ways, like filling a glass ornament with dried flower petals or even painting something in remembrance of your loved one using the petals. These keepsakes could be just for you, or you could make many and gift them to other people who loved the person who passed.

Put flower petals inside of funeral jewelry.

Funeral jewelry, or cremation jewelry, is a popular way to keep the one you lost close to your heart. For cremation jewelry, a tiny bit of ashes is placed inside a compartment in a piece of jewelry, like a locket. People can opt to include more than the ashes inside, though, like adding bits of dried flowers from the funeral. However, if you are a member of the Catholic faith, the Catholic Church dictates that cremated remains be given a final resting place together rather than stored in cremation jewelry, scattered or kept in the home.

Even if your loved one was not cremated, you could still make funeral jewelry, perhaps by putting the dried flowers in a necklace or pendant. It’s another way to create a memorial keepsake that you can cherish always.

Flowers are a lovely way to brighten up a funeral and celebrate the deceased's spirit. And after the funeral, they are a great way to spread a little joy or keep the memory of your loved one close to you.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Funeral Jewelry: What is it?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 22 Mar 2024 20:37:56 GMT

When you lose a loved one, it’s hard to go back to everyday life. Things don’t feel normal. It can be hard to come to terms with them not being around, not just for the big moments but for the little things. You miss picking up the phone and hearing them at the other end. You miss how their famous dishes smelled or how they used to laugh so hard at their favorite movie. You miss them just being around.

That ache for a loved one’s presence to still be around is a big reason why funeral jewelry is so popular. Funeral jewelry comes in many forms and can be referred to as cremation jewelry, memorial jewelry, or even mourning jewelry. Let’s look at the history of funeral jewelry and how it exists today.

The History of Funeral Jewelry

Throughout history, every culture had a different way of saying goodbye to a loved one. And there’s reason to believe that many cultures also incorporated funeral jewelry into goodbyes. In fact, funeral jewelry may even predate recorded history.

One of the earliest examples of funeral jewelry was actually referred to as mourning jewelry, though there is a more common name: memento mori. The phrase means “remember you will die,” and it was meant to encourage people to think about their own mortality and to remember to pray for themselves and their loved ones.

During the Renaissance, memorial jewelry was more common, which didn’t keep any part of the physical being, but they were inscribed with the name and date of death of the person who had passed. These jewelry pieces were typically rings, and they were given to close family members and friends of the deceased.

Up until the reign of Queen Victoria, funeral jewelry was often very macabre. But the Queen was a great lover of romance and fashion. When any of her loved ones died, especially Prince Albert, she commissioned mourning jewelry filled with jewels. The pieces were grand and elaborate. They often had the name of the loved ones written on them, but some also contained things like locks of hair. As the trend of jewel-encrusted mourning jewelry spread through Queen Victoria’s court, the Queen had essentially started a new era of funeral jewelry.

In America, mourning jewelry was especially prevalent during wartime. Using pieces of hair, either in a locket or braided into earrings or necklaces, was particularly common. In the Victorian era, people believed that hair contained an immortal quality, but another helpful part of using hair was that it was an inexpensive way to have a loved one close to your heart. During the Civil War, men would leave locks of hair behind with their beloveds so that if they died, they could use the hair for mourning jewelry.

Funeral Jewelry of Today

Today, hair is still a common aspect of funeral jewelry, but there are many options to create a keepsake to remember a loved one. Cremation jewelry is one typical example, though it comes in two different forms. Traditionally, cremation jewelry is a piece of jewelry that contains a tiny bit of ashes of a loved one in a closed-off compartment. That compartment can additionally hold a lock of hair or dried funeral flowers. Lockets are a common choice, as they can also have a picture of the loved one.

Another option, though, is to commission cremation ash jewelry. This type of jewelry is actually made from the ashes of a loved one, rather than simply containing the ashes. Choosing this type of memorial item allows the wearer more say in what it looks like, and it could take several days to several weeks to make.

If your loved one is not cremated, memorial jewelry is still an option. This type of funeral jewelry does not contain ashes, but it may have an engraved photo or the thumbprint of your loved one.

It’s not just people who can be remembered with funeral jewelry. Many pet owners choose to carry a piece of a beloved pet with them after they pass, like a piece of jewelry with their pet’s pawprint or containing a lock of their fur.

There’s no right or wrong way to choose your funeral jewelry. What matters is what makes you feel closest to the person (or pet) who has passed. Funeral jewelry can be a small comfort for those missing someone, allowing them to feel like a piece of their loved one is with them always.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Grief … Feeling Relief

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 15 Mar 2024 16:03:25 GMT

Sometimes death comes at the end of a long and arduous struggle with illness, addiction, or mental illness. Often, there is relief. Not always, because with grief none of the many emotions that people feel is something everyone feels, but sometimes mourners feel relief. Relief the pain and struggle have come to an end.

Relief is the grief emotion many feel, but few talk about. Sometimes people are silent because they are self-judging, and the relief generates guilt. Sometimes, they don’t share their feeling of relief because they are unsure how others will react. Relief is defined as a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety or distress. It is a perfectly normal grief emotion.

Mourners who have also been long term caregivers may have grieved for the one they love over the course of the illness. They may have grieved every loss of function over the days, weeks, or years as they occurred. Caregiving, even when it is done with tender love, is taxing. It is difficult. Feeling relieved does not mean a person does not also feel sad, lost, or scared. It is not surprising that care givers often experience a mixed bag of emotions including relief when the person they cared for dies.

If you are uncomfortable with this feeling it might help to take some time and list the caregiving duties you have been shouldering. Look at your list. Step outside yourself. How would you expect your best friend to feel if they had been doing what you have been doing? Feeling relived of the stress of the illness or care is not the same as feeling relieved of the person. Be clear about your feeling.

If you are not yet keeping a grief journal, give it a try. All it takes is paper and pen, or a keyboard, and the determination to devote a few minutes to your own self-care each day. Your journal does not judge, offer advice, or tell you how you should feel. Your journal just listens. Most people who journal are surprised at how this activity helps them find their way as they journey through their grief.

Not everyone who dies was easy to love. If you are grieving someone who was addicted to drugs or alcohol, suffering from mental illness, or who was abusive, of course you will feel some level of relief. Remember the definition of relief: a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety or distress. Feeling relieved is not the same as feeling happy. Allow yourself to feel all the complex emotions that come with death. Try to embrace the feeling of relief along with all of the other emotions you are experiencing.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What Happens to My Funeral Plan if I Move?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 08 Mar 2024 17:44:06 GMT

For most folks, as they approach middle age, they experience moments when they question their preparedness for the end of life. Am I saving enough for my retirement? How do I expect my retirement to look and feel? When I die will I be buried or cremated? Will my funeral service be faith based, a celebration of my life or maybe a little of each? These thoughts naturally come about as we reach the age where we experience the death of our parents and sometimes even the death of some of our peers.

Still, many people are reluctant to “take the bull by the horns” and get their “ducks in a row”. They may review the retirement plan with their financial advisor or review their will and trust plan with their attorney, but they stop short of putting together a funeral plan with their funeral director. After all, they reason, the funeral is literally the last thing they will need to do.

Sometimes the procrastination is because they are unsure about where they will be living when they die. What if I plan my funeral with my local funeral home and I move before I die? What happens to my funeral plan in that case? Maybe we’ll move someplace with warmer winters? Perhaps we will live near the coast or a golf course? Maybe we’ll move to be closer to the kids and grandchildren.

There really is no reason to go through life unprepared. Funeral plans, even when they are paid for in advance, will be portable. They move with you. This is how it works.

When you get ready to pack those boxes for the move, call your funeral home and set up a time to meet with the planning director to review your funeral plan. In preparation for that meeting think about your move.

Are you moving to your “forever” location?

Who are you leaving behind … Children? Grandchildren?

How rooted are you in your current location? Did you grow up there? Is this where most of your family lives?

If, after talking with your funeral director you decide that you will want to have your funeral in your new location, he can help you by suggesting funeral homes for you to interview in your new town. When you meet with the new funeral director in your new town you will review your plan and compare costs in your new location with what you have arranged previously. Funerals vary in cost by location. Nothing in New York City is the same price as the same item somewhere else. For example, a Big Mac costs on average ten dollars in New York. The same Big Mac meal in South Carolina will average about six dollars.

You can expect that there may be a difference in the cost for the funeral you plan at your new location as well. It could be that more dollars are needed to have a similar service in your new location, or you may be paying less in your new hometown. Your new funeral provider will help you make the necessary adjustments.

On the other hand, you may decide to keep your funeral exactly where you have originally planned. When you have lived your life in a location, worked, played, and raised your children there you may want your funeral to take place in that town. Before you move your funeral to your new town, consider who will attend your funeral. If your family is rooted in your old town, you may want to keep your plan as it is and come “home” at the end of your life. When you review your funeral plan your director will help you find the solution that is best for you and your family.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Should You Use the Deceased Person’s Name When Talking to Mourners?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 18:57:31 GMT

Very often people feel uncomfortable using the name of a person who recently died when they are conversing with family members. No one wants to add to the burden of those who are mourning. On the other hand, those who are grieving know who died. They know the name. Avoiding using the person’s name can feel artificial.

There are some cultures where not using the person’s name is a mark of respect. For example, Australian Aboriginal peoples do not use the name of the deceased but instead refer to the deceased as “kunmanara”, which translates to “what’s his name”. In America we fill in for the person’s name with pronouns - he or she. But one wonders if, to family members, those pronouns feel the same as “what’s his name”?

Many mourners tell us when they don’t hear their loved one’s name, they feel like he or she is erased. They want to hear the name. They want to talk about the person who is gone from their life.

There is, no doubt, a delicate balance to maintain between awkwardly avoiding naming the dead and putting a person who is experiencing raw grief on a path down memory lane they are not yet able to handle. A good rule of thumb might be to use the name in a natural way. In other words, don’t go out of your way to work around using the name of the person who died. Speak naturally.

At the same time do let the person who is mourning take the lead when it comes to the “remember when” conversations. People who are grieving may want to talk about the person who died one day and not the next. Pay attention to cues from the family members.

While there are some things people really don’t want to hear…

· I know how you feel

· He’s in a better place

· At least she lived a long life

· Time will heal

There are some words that are comforting…

· I am sorry for your loss

· You and your family are in my thoughts / prayers

· Use the name and briefly share how you knew him or something you especially liked about her

Don’t let the fear of saying the wrong thing or not having the perfect words keep you from talking with someone who has recently lost a loved one. Begin by letting go of the notion you can make anything better for the mourner with words. No matter how eloquent you may be, grieving is work. It is the human response to loss. Grief is painful, it is hard, it can’t be fixed with magic words. Let go, relieve yourself of the pressure to say the perfect thing. Let the one who is grieving know they are not alone. You can let them know you care. Your presence, your kindness, helps.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Making Initial Contact with a Friend Who has Recently Experienced Loss

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 23 Feb 2024 13:24:48 GMT

Calling or visiting a friend who has recently lost their life partner or anyone close to them can be a challenge. You want to support your friend, but you are just not sure how to begin. Most likely the longer you put off making the call the more difficult getting in touch will become. Now, you are feeling bad that it took you so long to contact your friend, so you’ve added guilt to your mix. Start by taking a deep breath, realize you don’t have to have magic words that will make everything all better. No one has those words. Your caring will be enough.

Sometimes having a well-defined purpose for the call can help you over the hurdle of just getting started. That could be something as simple as offering to share. Making a call to share something you cooked or baked or grew can be the ice breaker you need to get you started. “I just picked up some delicious strawberries, or baked some cookies or made a batch of soup. Could I bring some to you?”

Perhaps your purpose for the call could be an invitation to do something. Maybe an activity that you know your friend enjoyed doing with the person who died. Something that might be difficult for them to do alone. Maybe it is attending a community concert, or play, going to a Friday night art walk. It could be as simple as offering a ride to church and perhaps an offer to get breakfast after the service. People who are accustomed to going out as a part of a pair often find going alone an impossible hurdle.

When determining your reason for calling keep your icebreaker simple. You want to present your bereaved friend with an easy, simple choice. Offering to share cookies you baked presents your friend with a fairly simple choice. Whereas offering to help clear out the deceased’s clothing might be a very difficult decision. Having a purpose for your call should make it easier for you to place the call but not harder for the recipient to receive the call.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What Happens if I Die Before I Complete the Payments on My Funeral Plan?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 16 Feb 2024 22:53:32 GMT

If you purchased an insurance funded funeral plan through your funeral home your family is most likely all set. They just call the funeral home, and everything goes according to the plan you put in place. As long as they follow that plan the cost is covered.

At the time you met with the funeral professional you would have determined the type of service that met your requirements and that you thought would be consistent with your family’s expectations. Those plans led you to an accurate cost estimate for your funeral. You would have been offered the opportunity to pay for that funeral in one single payment or to make payments over the course of years. You would have been asked to answer a few simple questions about your current health and offered coverage for your funeral cost once the policy was reviewed and issued.

If you were in good health, you would have been eligible for full coverage from the date of issue. Full coverage means the entire cost of your funeral would be paid by the insurance company. So, if you die before all of your payments have been made the full cost of your funeral may be paid on your behalf. Your family owes nothing. They are all set. That bears repeating. If your health is reasonably good today, you can be covered for the total cost of your funeral even if you have not completed the payment plan you selected when you die. And unlike other insurance like long term care or traditional life insurance, you only pay for the number of years you selected. You do not have to pay for the remainder of your life to be covered.

If you were not in good health your path to full coverage may have taken a little time. If you die before you reach your full coverage date your family will receive the dollars you paid in plus growth accrued (similar to interest) toward your preplanned funeral amount. In this case the family would be required to make up the difference in cost between the death benefit the insurance company would pay and the cost of the funeral.

Funeral payment plans offered by funeral homes are designed to meet the needs of a whole host of families. Some prefer to pay for the entire funeral in one payment when the funeral is planned. Others prefer to pay over a longer period of time. This choice is made for a variety of personal reasons.

Today, most funeral homes have a planning professional on staff who will meet with you and explain the options that are available to you. There is no cost for this meeting. It is a perfect opportunity to get all of your questions answered. The time to call and schedule a time to meet is now. If you are thinking that you should be getting your ducks in a row, you’re right. Sooner really is better.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What Can I Expect When the Casket is Open at a Funeral?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 09 Feb 2024 18:07:00 GMT

Many families choose to have the body of the deceased present in an open casket during a visitation or funeral service. For them viewing the deceased might be a part of their religious belief or a part of their family’s tradition. These families embrace the opportunity to see the deceased family member one final time. They appreciate the opportunity to quietly whisper a few parting words or leave a memento in the casket. For some seeing the deceased at peace after a difficult illness and death is a comfort. For others seeing helps them accept the reality of the death.

If you attend a funeral or visitation with an open casket you can choose to approach the casket, or if you are not comfortable doing so, you can take a seat in another part of the room. Most often the casket containing the person who died is in the front of the reception room or in a quiet alcove. Guests are not required to approach the casket.

If you do choose to approach the casket, you can expect that the deceased will be dressed in street clothes. The hair will have been styled and make-up will have been applied. Still, you should anticipate that the body will look different than it did in life. Often people want to reach out and touch their loved one. If you do so you should expect that the body will feel cool and firm.

People who choose to come up to the casket will usually quietly say a brief prayer or a personal message. For some this last farewell is a very emotional experience. If you think that you will be emotional you might ask a close friend or relative to accompany, you as you approach the casket. If you are a guest, you should understand the emotions of other attendees and expect tears. Funerals are, as they should be, a safe place for mourners to cry.

As a guest at a funeral or visitation you always want to be mindful and respectful of the surviving family. Your presence can be a huge comfort. It shows you care. You either care about one or more of the survivors or you cared about the deceased. This is a time to share how you knew the person who died. “Your mother was a wonderful teacher, and she made a big difference in my life,” or “I worked with your dad. He was such a nice man. On my first day at work, he made me feel right at home.” Do share your stories, offer your condolences, and use the deceased’s name. Don’t monopolize a family member, make it about you, or be loud, rude, or judgmental of the deceased or other mourners.

If you are part of a family group charged with the responsibility of arranging a funeral, you may find that making the group decision about whether or not to have the casket open for viewing or closed with a picture of the deceased displayed is difficult. From time to time it happens that one or more members of the family would like to have the deceased present in an open casket at the funeral or visitation or both and other family members feel just as strongly that they prefer a closed casket. Fortunately, your funeral director can and will help your family find a solution that respects both points of view and meets everyone’s mourning needs. The owners and staff of your local family funeral home are funeral experts. They will always do their best to accommodate the needs of the immediate family members - even when they are different. Always be open and honest with your director. Let him or her help you.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

The Pace of Grief

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 02 Feb 2024 19:44:17 GMT

People work their way through their grief at their own speed. Even in the same family, brothers and sisters, parents and children, do not all process their grief at the same pace. Sometimes when a family member seems to be moving at light speed it can be hard for other family members to understand. Moving quickly doesn’t mean they are trying to forget the one who died it just means they, for some reason of their own, need to do, to stay busy. The busyness of doing is this person’s style. It’s how they are coping with the loss.

At the other end of the pace spectrum another family member may seem almost inert. They need to touch and feel and remember. This is their way. Neither is right or wrong but because they are so different, and everyone’s emotions are so raw, the disparity in the pace of grief can strain family relationships.

One of the places where this difference can present itself is in dealing with things. The possessions of the deceased. The slower pace person may find parting with things very troubling. For them these dishes, trophies, books, and clothing are a part of the person they lost. They find comfort in holding, touching, and seeing the belongings of the deceased. For them getting rid of or letting go of these things is just one more loss. They want to sleep in their beloved one’s pajamas and keep as much as possible. Sometimes they need to keep things even when keeping becomes impractical and costly. The speedy one may seem insensitive to this family member. Everyone needs to remember fast is not without feeling. Quick is not easy. It’s just a different way. A different pace of grieving.

So, what motivates the speedy one’s march of activity? Take a moment to think about it. Perhaps this quicker family member has always been a doer? Maybe setting goals, ticking off the to do list is holding them together in their own way. Putting the affairs in order is something they can do when they can’t do what they want to do which is to bring the person they loved back. Slow or quick these are personal styles of coping with loss. Grief is there because there was love. It’s hard no matter the speed.

When you are working with a family member who is frustrating you with their pace, start by taking a deep breath. Take a walk literally or figuratively. Try to get in touch with your own why. Why are you doing what you are doing? What do you really need? See if you can get into the other person’s shoes. Why might they be moving so fast or slow? Then make a pot of tea or coffee and ask for a meeting.

Tell your family member how you want the future to look between the two of you. Let them know how important the relationship you have is to you. Ask, “Can we get through this together?” Work out a timeline. What needs to be done when? Who can do what activity? Are there pressing matters like an estate to settle that will impact the timeline? Use questions to convey what you need. “What if I empty dad’s closet and take those things to go through over the next few months. Then you can have the closet empty, so you don’t have to see his things every day?” Choose your words wisely. Agree to table hot issues and allow time to cool down. Respect the other’s feelings. Be kind. Protect the relationship. Consider bringing in a third party to help you sort out the difficult issues. That could be a grief specialist, your estate attorney, your pastor or a more neutral family member. Before a family relationship becomes spoiled ask for help.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Driving by a Funeral Home

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 26 Jan 2024 17:35:58 GMT

Imagine you’re driving past a funeral home. As you approach, you can see people dressed in mourning clothing coming out of the facilities and climbing into their cars or limousines. But just before you drive by, those vehicles begin to pull out of the funeral home’s parking lot. You’re now encountering a funeral procession. So, how can you treat this important ceremony with the respect it deserves? Although many states have different rules when it comes to driving around funeral processions, here are the general rules of the road when you spot one.

What to Do When You Encounter a Funeral Procession

1. Yield the right of way.

Generally, funeral processions have the right of way. It’s important to obey this guideline as it may just prevent an accident. In many states, a funeral procession may go through a red light if the lead car has already crossed into the intersection. Because a funeral procession may operate under different rules from other vehicles on the road, it’s essential to exercise caution when driving around one.

Not only is it respectful to yield the right of way to ensure that the procession stays on time and all together, but it’s also better for both their and your safety. Just as you would yield the right of way to an emergency vehicle, you should yield to a funeral procession.

2. Do not cut in.

It’s extremely disrespectful to cut into a funeral procession. In some states, doing so is actually illegal. A funeral procession is a ceremonial event in which people are mourning. You should not do anything that interferes with this ceremony. Also, the drivers will not expect you to cut in, which may mean that they won’t be looking out for your vehicle. A collision may end up being the result. If you need to take an exit on a highway and cutting in is your only option for reaching it, you should wait to take the next exit.

3. Do not pass the procession.

Just like you shouldn’t cut in, you also shouldn’t pass a funeral procession. And just like cutting in, it’s illegal to pass a funeral procession in some states. Speeding up to pass a funeral procession may cause an accident. You may pass if you’re on a highway with two or more lanes going in the same direction. You should only ever pass on the right if the procession is traveling in the far left lane.

4. Look for the last car in the procession.

Most often, the last car in a funeral procession must have its hazards on. It also may be marked with two flags to designate its status. To ensure that you don’t mistakenly cut off a funeral processional, keep an eye out for the final car’s markings.

5. Do not tag along.

When you do spot that final car, do not decide to join the procession. Because a funeral procession can move through traffic with certain restrictions lifted, some drivers, unfortunately, believe that they can simply join the mourners and receive the same treatment. But just as you shouldn’t tail an emergency vehicle to get to your destination faster, you shouldn’t tag along when you see a funeral procession. Not only is it very disrespectful, but it’s also not likely to work. The last car in the procession is marked as the final car. You may be pulled over if you’re spotted trying to tag along. Doing so is considered interfering with the procession, and it’s illegal in some states.

6. Pull over if you’re able.

Most often, the best thing to do when you see a funeral procession is to pull over. It’s safer to allow the procession to pass without any potential obstructions. However, it’s not always possible to pull over. If you are on a road with the space to pull off to the side, you should do so and wait until the procession has fully passed.

7. Wait patiently.

Whether you’re pulled to the side of the road or simply waiting at an intersection for the procession to pass, you should always wait patiently. Do not honk, yell, or make gestures, even if you’re frustrated that the procession is taking a while. Remember that the people in these vehicles are mourning the loss of a loved one. Even if you want to make a gesture of support, it’s best to wait silently and patiently instead.

It can be frustrating to get stuck behind a funeral procession. But it’s important to remember that it’s only a minor inconvenience in comparison to the situation the people in the procession are dealing with. They’re grieving the loss of a loved one. The day of a funeral is often difficult, and the last thing the mourners should have to face on such a day is someone causing an accident because they tried to cut the processional off. You should always be respectful to a funeral procession, both out of kindness to the mourners and for the sake of safety for everyone.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Funeral Humor – Creating Levity in a Stressful Profession

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 19 Jan 2024 15:20:08 GMT

As a subject, death can often make people uncomfortable. And as a result, that discomfort extends to how people feel about the funeral profession. For many people, the first time that they enter a funeral home is when a loved one passes. Because of this connection, many people associate funeral homes and what’s inside them with morbidity.

So, it can be a bit of a shock to find that funeral directors most often aren’t the caricatures we see in movies and storybooks. They’re not as frightening as one might expect, nor are they creepy, despite the fact that some may find what they do a bit scary. Just like with many professions, working as a funeral director is a multi-faceted role. And, believe it or not, some funeral directors may even try to bring some comedy into their position. Why is it essential to create a little levity as a funeral director? Although not every funeral director attempts to be funny, here are a few reasons why one might.

Why Your Funeral Director May Be Funny

1. Death makes people uncomfortable.

Funeral directors know that, for many people, death is an uncomfortable subject. It’s scary to think about a time when you’re not physically here anymore, and it’s upsetting to remember that there will be a time when your loved ones can’t be with you in person. But funeral directors also know that there’s a way to break through the uncomfortableness of death: humor. It can be disarming to hear a funeral director be funny. And that unexpectedness can give you a little shock to your system. Though you were uncomfortable moments before, your surprised giggles can make you feel more at ease.

Funeral directors are inherently very adaptable people. They strive to provide the form of comfort that you need the most during this stressful time in your life. For some people, being made to laugh is the best way to give them comfort. Although not all funeral directors are naturally funny, they aim to do their best to provide the care that you require.

2. Humor can help you cope with grief.

Laughter does a lot for us, perhaps more than we know. It helps our immune system, combats pain, and boosts our endorphins. And it also helps us when we grieve. Many bereavement groups incorporate humor for this exact reason. One study found that widows and widowers who could laugh and smile about their loved ones experienced less depression and anxiety . Laughter cannot remove the pain of losing a loved one, but it can help us grieve with less severe symptoms.

Grief is complicated. Though we usually experience the strongest symptoms of grief for only a few months after a loss, those feelings often turn into integrated grief. Though integrated grief is easier to live with, it’s also longer-lasting. Grief becomes a part of our lives, which is why it’s essential to continue to find humor. As the study of the widows and widowers shows, finding humor can help both during the initial period of loss and the subsequent years with the overall grieving process. Funeral directors may not be grief counselors, but they strive to help us in any way they can while we mourn the loss of our loved ones. Creating levity through the funeral planning process can be one way to help.

3. Humor can help you cope with stress.

Funeral planning itself can be stressful. Hundreds of decisions must be made. There’s a lot on the planner’s mind about whether or not they’re making the right choices. Would the funeral they planned be the one that their loved one wanted? Those kinds of questions can inch their way into the mind of the planner, causing stress over their decisions. There’s often a feeling of anxiety as a funeral nears. Will everything go right? Although a funeral director and their staff will always do their best to assuage these fears in families who come to them in their time of need, it’s often hard to get their stress to dissipate.

Like grief, humor can do a lot to help stress . Laughing actually activates your stress response. A strong belly laugh increases your blood pressure and heart rate, but only briefly. Once you’ve calmed down again, your heart rate and blood pressure decrease, giving you a calm feeling. Laughing also soothes tension and aids in muscle relaxation, helping to decrease the physical signs of stress. In the long term, laughter improves your ability to cope with difficult situations and overall mood. A funeral director may find ways to incorporate laughter with the goal of relieving some of your funeral planning stress.

4. Funeral directors want to help you continue on with your life.

Funeral directors aren’t afraid of talking about death, but they do know that many people would rather not think about it. And they also know that no one comes to them for funeral planning in a happy mood. When most people plan a funeral, they are doing so with some distress as they’re just beginning to live a life without the person they love. These people are struggling, and the funeral director wants to help them through this new way of life.

A part of helping is telling them that it’s okay to keep living. And a big part of living is finding the humor in life. When you’ve just lost a loved one, you’re likely experiencing acute grief, a period of grieving when your symptoms may prevent you from going about your everyday life. You may find it hard even to smile. It can feel wrong to laugh again when you’ve just lost someone you love. But a funeral director may try to encourage you to laugh again and to let you know it’s okay to find joy in life, even when you’re missing someone you love.

Not all funeral directors are the same. Some funeral directors prefer to remain more serious through the funeral planning process. And that’s okay too. But if you begin working with a funeral director who brings some levity to your situation, you may find that it’s helpful to your stress levels and your grieving process. Funeral directors aren’t the frightening figures of childhood stories, and they certainly don’t want to scare you. Some of them will even try to make you laugh, making a stressful situation a little bit lighter and a little bit easier.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Cremation After the Funeral Service

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Thu, 11 Jan 2024 14:59:36 GMT

Cremation rates have been on the rise in the United States for many years, with the rates reaching all the way to 57.5 percent in 2021. By 2025, that rate is expected to climb to 64.1 percent. With the cremation rate continuing to rise , it’s becoming more and more common for funeral homes to be holding funerals for loved ones who will be cremated. But how does funeral planning work when your loved one will be cremated?

Can my loved one be cremated after a funeral service?

A common misconception exists that says that you can’t have a funeral service if your loved one is going to be cremated. However, this belief is false. Cremation does not preclude a funeral service. Your plans for your loved one’s service do not have to change due to cremation. You can still have a traditional funeral, if you so choose, where your loved one is present prior to their cremation.

When making plans for your loved one’s funeral, talk to your funeral director about wanting the funeral before their cremation takes place. You may have either an open or closed casket funeral, and you may not even need to purchase a casket. Many funeral homes offer families the ability to rent a casket for the length of the funeral because your loved one will not then be buried in the casket. You may also hold additional services before the cremation, such as a viewing or visitation.

Similar to how a burial may happen directly after the funeral, your funeral director can work with a crematory to ensure that cremation occurs right after the funeral service. The funeral home may have their own crematory on-site, making this planning process simpler, or they may work with a respected third-party cremation provider. In the case of working with a different provider, the funeral director will also organize transportation for your loved one to their cremation.

Even if you held a funeral before your loved one’s cremation, you might still want additional services. You may opt for a committal service, which is when your loved one’s cremated remains are either buried or interred in a columbarium. Or you may want a scattering ceremony, where your loved one’s ashes are spread in a location that meant a great deal to them in life. These services are often smaller than a funeral. They allow for close family and friends to say a last goodbye to a loved one as they’re placed in their final resting place.

What if my loved one is cremated before the funeral service?

Some people opt for direct cremation before a funeral service, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have a service at all. Although you can’t have a funeral with a casket present or a viewing, you can still have a memorial service after the cremation.

Because a funeral with a decedent present usually has to happen within a certain amount of time, having a memorial service after cremation affords families more time to plan. Memorial services can happen on the same day as a cremation, but they don’t have to be. Some people prefer to take more time to plan the service, and it’s not uncommon for a memorial service to happen weeks or even months after cremation.

A memorial service can function similarly to a funeral service. You can still have all the aspects of a funeral you may want, such as a eulogy, but the only difference will be that your loved one may be present in an urn, as opposed to being there in a casket. Your family can then choose how they’d like to store or scatter the cremated remains.

Whether you’d like a funeral before cremation or a memorial service after cremation, a funeral home can help. Talk to your funeral director about what you picture for your loved one’s services, and they’ll be able to guide you toward a decision that’s right for you and your family. In either case, you’ll be planning a ceremony that honors the life of your loved one, regardless of what their final disposition may be.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

10 Ways to Customize a Funeral

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 05 Jan 2024 05:27:33 GMT

Funerals aren’t one-size-fits-all. One of the most important steps in funeral planning is customization. How is this funeral right for your loved one? How are you celebrating your loved one’s life through everything from the floral arrangements to the clothing they’re wearing? What makes this funeral uniquely your loved one’s funeral? Here are a few ways to customize a funeral for your loved one.

10 Ways to Customize a Loved One’s Funeral

1. Put together a community project.

When you’re thinking about how you can honor your loved one in their funeral, consider that you don’t have to do it alone. A community project to display at the funeral brings people together. Try to think of a project that fits something that your loved one enjoyed in their life. Maybe they were always in the kitchen, baking their favorite recipes. You could ask funeral-goers to contribute recipes that the decedent shared with them throughout their life for a recipe book. Or, if they loved to sew or crochet, you could make a memorial quilt, with everyone contributing their own granny square that they feel symbolizes the decedent.

2. Incorporate beloved items into a display.

Funeral flowers are a lovely way to honor a loved one, but consider taking the arrangements a step further and incorporating items that remind you of your loved one into the displays. If your loved one’s favorite thing to do was to be out on their surfboard, catching waves, build a floral display around the board. Or you could create a separate display outside of the floral arrangements. If your loved one received honors for their service in the military, for instance, you could build a section of the funeral where their metals could sit amongst photos of their time serving.

3. Have something for guests to take home.

The idea of funeral favors isn’t all that common, but it’s a way to have your guests bring something that reminds them of their loved one home. You could put together seed packets from your loved one’s garden if they were known for their green thumb. Or, if they were known for making the best jams and jellies around, use their recipe to make some small containers to give out at the funeral.

4. Make a memorial slideshow.

A memorial slideshow can be shown during the funeral, but it can also be put on loop to be projected throughout a viewing or reception. No matter how you choose to show your slideshow, it’ll be an homage to the life that your loved one lived. Ask family and friends to send you their favorite photos of your loved one, or ask them to put them all in a Google Drive folder to make collecting them a little easier. You could use slideshow services like Microsoft PowerPoint or Google Slides or a service that’s directly made for memorial slideshows, like Smilebox’s memorial slideshow maker .

5. Choose meaningful clothing.

It used to be more common that a decedent would be dressed in semi-formal clothing, but that tradition has been receding. Now, it’s considered less necessary to have a decedent dress more formally, and it’s more common for them to be dressed in a way that reminds funeral-goers of who they were. When you pick out clothing for your loved one, look for outfits that you have special memories of them in. If your loved one always wore their favorite colorful dress to every occasion, perhaps they should also wear it for their funeral. But even then, you don’t have to pick out clothing that they wore only to formal events. If your loved one loved their blue jeans, there’s no rule that says that they can’t wear them for the funeral.

6. Arrange for military honors, if applicable.

If your loved one was a veteran, you could plan to hold military honors at their funeral with the help of your funeral director. All honorably discharged veterans are entitled to military honors. By law, that includes an honor guard detail consisting of at least two members of the U.S. Armed Forces, one of whom must be from the decedent’s service branch. The ceremony includes the playing of taps and the folding and presentation of the American flag to the decedent’s next of kin.

7. Dine on their favorite foods and recipes.

Food has the power to bring back so many memories. To incorporate food into a funeral, you could plan a reception with all of their favorite meals. Another way to make food a part of the funeral is by baking a few of your loved one’s most beloved recipes and putting them out during the service. Pick recipes that are easy to eat and not too messy, like a cookie.

8. Organize a scattering ceremony at a special location.

A funeral ceremony isn’t the only event that you can plan for your loved one. You could also host a number of additional events, including a scattering ceremony if your loved one is to be cremated. A scattering ceremony is often very personal because you’re deciding where to spread their ashes based on what they loved in life. Although you can’t scatter ashes just anywhere, you can spread them in certain places like at sea or in a national park. Just make sure that you’re following all local, state, and federal restrictions.

9. Print photos for a display or scrapbook.

Sharing photos of your loved one adds to the celebration of your loved one’s life. There are many ways to make pictures a part of the funeral beyond the memorial slideshow. You could print poster boards of your loved one to greet guests at the entrance. Or you could make a collage to add to other displays around the room. Many funeral homes also offer photo printing as a service, so talk to your funeral director about your photo options.

10. Add music.

Music is a powerfully connective force, and if music was especially important to your loved one, find a way to add it to their funeral. You could make a playlist of their favorite songs to play during the viewing or hire a singer to perform one of their favorite songs during the funeral service itself. You could also hire a band or solo artist to perform at a reception.

Customizing a funeral looks different for every family, and you may have some of your own ideas about ways to make your loved one’s funeral personal to them. Whatever your ideas may be, talk to your funeral director about them. Even if you believe they may be challenging to do, funeral homes have plenty of experience turning those unique ideas into beautiful aspects of a loved one’s funeral.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

There is a Vitality

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Mon, 04 Dec 2023 02:22:38 GMT

“When I die, I really don’t care what you do with me. Just ___ ___ me. I don’t want you to make a fuss.”

Really? Are these the instructions you are leaving your family? Of course, it does not matter to you and you really will not need a fuss. You will be the dead one. They, however, care and they need a fuss. If you are thinking it is not so, take a minute and turn the tables. How would you feel if you lost them? Would you just ___ ___ them?

Most of the time someone is tempted to pass on these kinds of instructions, it is for one of three reasons. It is because the idea of dying scares them and makes them uncomfortable. Or, it is because they are thinking about the wrong person. They are thinking about themselves, not their survivors. Then there are those who have just never been to a funeral they liked.

All these reasons are understandable, but none are reason enough to leave your family with nothing. As Martha Graham, the famous dancer, once said, “There is a vitality, a life force, and energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.” Wow! Think about that! There is only one of you in all time. You are unique. When you die your youness will be lost to your family for ALL time. Surely your life and the impact you made on their lives deserve a gathering and a few words?

Instead of telling your children what not to do. Ask them what they would do. Try to gain an understanding of what will bring them some comfort. Talk about the budget. Go visit the funeral home and talk to the funeral director. Be honest and frank. Tell him what you like and do not like. Tell him what you would like your funeral service to include.

Life is celebrated in different ways today. The essential element is that those who knew you and those who loved you have an opportunity to gather. A good funeral home will help you put together a gathering that reflects you and provides comfort for your family.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

To Plan or Not to Plan Your Funeral in Advance

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Mon, 04 Dec 2023 02:20:06 GMT

How does Advance funeral Planning affect the first hours before a funeral and the days and weeks that follow?

Making the call: When a loved one passes, contacting the funeral home is the first thing that needs to be done.

When a funeral plan is in place and on file at the funeral home there is no question as to who to call. The deceased has left a clear message. The stunned, tired, grief-stricken family just makes the call and the funeral home takes your loved one into their care.

When a death occurs and no plan has been recorded at a funeral home, the first order of business is deciding which funeral home to call. The stunned, tired, grief-stricken family must agree upon who they will trust to guide them through this difficult time. Which funeral establishment will help them honor their loved one in a way that satisfies all their needs and fits their budget.

The evening before the arrangement conference:

When a plan is in place the family can take this time to comfort each other. They can share memories. They can go through pictures or just rest. Tomorrow they will meet with the funeral director and review the plan their family member put together with them in mind.

For the family with no plan in place, tomorrow will bring many questions and decisions. Tonight, they will be weighing in on the big question, burial or cremation. They will be figuring out how much to spend and who will pay for the funeral. They will need to decide which of them will participate in the arrangement conference. They will need to consider and agree upon how to honor this life.

The days and weeks after the service

The family with the plan has no doubts, no second-guessing and no regrets. They know they did the “right” thing. They know they spent the right amount of money. They miss the one they lost but they have no regrets about the service that honored their loved one’s life.

Sadly not all families are able to pull together following the loss of a family member. Some are pulled apart because they disagree about decisions great and small. The days and weeks following a death are tense and emotional. It is a difficult time to be making group decisions.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Planning a Funeral for Someone in Hospice Care

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Mon, 04 Dec 2023 02:17:37 GMT

Having a family member in hospice care is not easy. There is no denying death is near. Sometimes the care is difficult, especially when the illness is painful. Life is coming to an end.

Sometimes the funeral is something that the person who is dying wants to talk about. They are open the discussion. They want to actively engage, maybe even provide instructions. This can be hard for the family. It may even be tempting to hush the person who is dying rather than embrace their desire and use it.

When a dying person wants to talk about how they will be remembered, it is a gift. It is an opportunity for them to reflect on and share the high points of their life. What was important to them, what it is they loved about their life. What the dying person needs from their family is for those around them to listen. Take it all in. These last requests are an opportunity. They provide the occasion to learn about favorite songs, readings, and stories. These requests can provide the basis for a meaningful funeral that helps family members begin to heal. Hold the hand, share the memories, no need to act … just be.

Of course, this is not the experience everyone has with a family member in hospice. Often the illness and the care that is required is so devastating that it is all that those closest can handle. Still, there is one decision that will need to be considered. Often, as a part of the hospice admission procedure, the family will be asked to designate a funeral home of choice and determine disposition of the body. That is to decide if there will be a cremation or a burial.

Knowing which funeral home to call is helpful. When choosing a funeral home, most families will choose the funeral home their family has worked with in the past or the one members of their church have used. Perhaps a family member has attended a funeral that really resonated with them and would like to use that funeral home. Which funeral home to call is really the only decision that needs to be made at this stage. All of the rest, even the bury or cremate question, can wait. The funeral home will help you with everything else when the time comes. There will be time.

The funeral, how a family chooses to remember a beloved family member, creates a lasting impression. The funeral changes the focus from the illness that brought about death to the full rich life that was lived. It is the opportunity to remember the childhood, loves, talents, and experiences that made up the fabric of a loved one’s life. The funeral doesn’t heal the pain of the loss that comes when someone we love dies but it does begin the process of healing.

When you have a loved one in hospice care you are in well-trained, caring hands. The medical professionals will walk you through all the stages, they will tell you what to expect, they will hold your hand and relieve the pain of the person you love and are losing. When death comes, the funeral professionals take your loved one and your family into their care. The funeral professionals will help you put together a funeral service that honors the person you love and lost.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What is Direct Disposition?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Mon, 04 Dec 2023 02:11:38 GMT

What is direct disposition?

Who can provide this service?

When does direct disposition make sense?

Direct disposition is a term used to describe burial or cremation that takes place directly following death. The deceased is removed from the place of death and taken directly to be either buried or cremated. There is no preparation of the body or opportunity for family members to see the body before the burial or cremation takes place. A memorial service may follow direct disposition.

Direct disposition providers include cremation societies, direct disposal facilities, and funeral homes. Cremation societies may contract in advance to provide cremation for a predetermined fee. Most often the fee will include removal of the body and transportation to the cremation facility provided the death occurs within a prescribed geographical range. If death occurs outside the area additional fees will be charged. Frequently these cremations take place in very basic stripped-down facilities similar to a warehouse or a strip mall. They are typically no frills, no public admittance buildings. They are usually the lowest cost alternative with the least amount of service options when someone dies.

Direct disposition can also be arranged through a funeral home. In this case the family will be offered the option of viewing either with or without embalming before the cremation takes place. This viewing can be particularly important to family members who live in a different part of the state or country. These folks often have a need to see the deceased if they were not present at the time of death. The funeral home will transfer the deceased from the place of death to the cremation location. The funeral home can also help with a memorial service held either at the funeral home or even an off-site facility.

The option of Direct Disposition makes perfect sense for families with a religion that dictates the body be either buried or cremated within a brief period. It can also fill a need when the budget is very tight, or the person has little or no family connections. Sadly, some people make this decision based on dollars alone without considering the impact on family and friends. They never check with their local funeral home to learn about the services available and the cost of those services. This can add needless pain for family and friends.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Why Using a Family Owned Funeral Home Matters

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 02 Dec 2023 18:27:26 GMT

If you are like most Americans you are probably shopping local, but maybe you have not stopped to think about why you are drawn to working with local businesses.

Researchers tell us local businesses are more likely to utilize other local businesses, making our communities stronger. For every $100 you spend at a local business $68 will stay in the community. Locally owned independent businesses return more than three time as much money to the community in which they operate than chain competitors. Locally, family owned funeral homes hire local, use other locally owned businesses when they need service, and contribute to the community.

All of that is important. However, when a family member dies, few of the reasons discussed above are likely to come into play as you pick up the phone to call a funeral home. There is one reason that is top of mind in that situation, and it does matter. It is there right in front of you even if you are not fully aware. When something is important, like how your family experiences the death of a beloved family member, we all seek accountability. We want a provider who is connected to us. When it is something important, we want someone who cares about how they do their job. We want someone who will see us at church or at the ball field. We want to use a funeral provider that is accountable to the community.

It is the reason we like the locally owned appliance store over the big box store. Our local store cares if the microwave works. If it does not work, they will fix it. It is the same reason we like to shop at the local farmer’s market. The big chain supermarket might hide the old soft berries at the bottom of the basket. The farmer, who is your neighbor, will not. When a service provider is your neighbor, they are accountable for their work. You know where and how to reach them to tell them they did a good job, or where they did not meet your expectations. We all know full well accountability is hard to get from the big guys. Just take a moment to think back to that last call you made to your cable or internet provider. How long were you on hold? Accountability is the reason we choose locally-owned whenever we can.

A family-owned funeral home is connected to the community and answers to that community. The funeral director’s children go to school with your children. They know you and understand your needs. If you are fortunate enough to have a family-owned funeral home in your community, place your trust in them when the need arises.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Thinking of Your Own Mortality

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 25 Nov 2023 15:30:13 GMT

According to the Center for Disease Control, the average life expectancy for a person living in the United States is 78.6 years. Women on average live slightly longer than men. Our own mortality is not something most people think about on a daily basis. However, it is something that bubbles up in our consciousness from time to time.

Sometimes the death of a famous person who was a contemporary of ours will trigger the thought that someday we will be gone. Even a major purchase like that of a new roof can trigger a reality check. Do you want a roof that is guaranteed for 50 years or will you spend less and get the 30-year roof? A near miss with an illness of your own or a friend’s experience with an illness can be a reality check. At times like these, people understand the fragile nature of life.

When the thought that you will one day die hits you, most people start to consider their preparedness. Have you and your spouse talked about and made the decisions that will assure arrangements go smoothly? Will your children have the same idea of what you would like done? Or are they all singing from different song books?

How many times have you thought about doing something about your level of preparedness? How many times have you let that thought go without taking action? It is easy to procrastinate about getting your funeral arrangements in order, written down at the funeral home of your choice, and informing your children of your plan. After all, it is the last thing you need to do. Really, the last.

However, it won’t be the thing you want to do when you get to the end. No one is guaranteed of advance notice of their death. For some it is sudden and unexpected. The thing is, it is much easier to get this little job done than most people think.

The funeral home of your choice has a person on staff who is designated to help people of all ages plan their funeral in advance. There is usually no cost for this consultation. Getting a plan in place is a great relief for you and it is a thoughtful gift for your family. When you die, deciding what should be included in your funeral will not be something your family wants to do either, but they will have no choice. They will appreciate your kindness toward them if you have provided them with guidance.

The year is drawing to a close. Perhaps it is finally time to make the call and set up a time to meet with the advance planning professional at the funeral home of your choice.

The process is easy. Nearly every person who makes the call ends their time with the advance planner by expressing relief and commenting, “this was so much easier than I expected.”

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

When Where You Live is Not Where You Want to be Buried

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 18 Nov 2023 19:45:51 GMT

Sometimes people make something appear so simple and effortless that we forget how complex the task really is. We begin to undervalue its accomplishment.

If you’ve ever taught a child or a grandchild to tie a shoelace you know what I mean. Once you’ve got it, and have been doing it for a while, you can literally tie a shoe with your eyes closed. But when you try to break it down for your little one into all the steps that are required to make that bow, it clearly is quite complex.

Many aspects of funeral service fall into the category of “it seems pretty simple.” It’s understandable that we may begin to question the value. The funeral home makes it seem so easy the layperson has no idea what is really involved in pulling off the task.

For example, when a dream to retire to someplace warmer, or prettier, or more exotic is realized and a family member dies away from where they planned to be buried, there is a lot to consider. There is also a lot to be done. Luckily the funeral home can help.

The first step is to call the funeral home. The funeral home that is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. You know that building that is always clean and company ready, with the yard mowed, flowers fresh, and carpets swept. Call them. They will transfer your loved one into their care. The funeral directors will take care of the deceased. They will wash the body, dress the body, and prepare the body for final farewells.

When the designated family members have gathered in the warmer, prettier place they will need to meet with a local funeral director. There are decisions to make and people to consider. What about all the new friends that were made in the new home? Will there be a service for them? Is there a second spouse? Does that person have connections and a support system at the “back home” burial community? Who will receive the body when it arrives home? Will there be a service at a church, a funeral home, or at the graveside? This is when the funeral director will take care of you. The funeral director will guide you through these decisions helping you make sure all those left behind experience their loss with the most comfort and support possible. The funeral director will take care of the living as well as the deceased.

Once all the logistical decisions have been made and various events scheduled, the funeral director will again focus on care of the deceased. The funeral home staff will need to make sure death certificates are applied for, all the regulations and paperwork concerning transporting a body are met. The body will then be prepared for the journey home.

It’s not as easy as it looks. There is value in having the help of funeral professionals at a time when you and your family are tired, sad, and maybe not thinking so straight.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Talking with a Veteran

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 11 Nov 2023 15:09:53 GMT

Talking with a veteran of the more recent wars or conflicts such as Vietnam, Afghanistan, or Iraq can be intimidating. You may have a parent or spouse who served in Vietnam who has never shared anything about their experience with you. The Vietnam War was different from wars in the past in that the value of the war itself was questioned and many of those who served came home to a hostile public. It was not a hero’s welcome. Their story may have been bottled up all these years and time is running out for families to learn about their loved one’s experience.

Since the Vietnam War, a small percentage of the U.S. population has served in our armed forces. This means the Vietnam experience is not shared by the broader population and those who did not serve can’t possibly understand what war is like. Not understanding can make us uncomfortable about starting a conversation. As a result, veterans can feel isolated while we remain unaware.

How can we push past our discomfort? How can we talk with these people we love and appreciate about a period in their life that was so very important to them? It can be tricky depending on how well you know the veteran. Below you will find some tips to aid your conversation with a veteran:

· During the discussion:

· Take your time, go slow

· Plan to LISTEN

· Listen without comment or judgment

· Listen to learn, not to tell.

· Below are some suggestions you can ask:

· Would be willing to talk with me about your experience?

· What service were you in?

· What inspired you to join?

· What does your service mean to you?

· Would you mind sharing what you are currently doing?

· Depending on how well you know the veteran, you may want to avoid so of the topics/questions below:

· Don’t ask if they killed anyone or saw any dead bodies.

· Don’t be surprised if they don’t want to talk.

· Don’t ask about PTSD.

· Don’t make it about you.

· Don’t think you know what it is like to go to war unless you have been to war.

It is always a good idea to do your homework and study the war prior to your discussion. And most of all, express your appreciation for their time and service.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

The Changing Face of American Veterans

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 04 Nov 2023 12:25:37 GMT

Veteran’s Day is the day Americans set aside to honor all who have served in the military during times of war and times of peace. We thank them all.

Many books have been written and movies made about World Wars I and II, Korea, and even Vietnam. But, what do we know about our post 9/11 Veterans? Who are they? Who do we thank?

When the draft ended in 1973, all branches of the armed services began the transition to the all-volunteer military force we have today. Since that time, the makeup of the military has been changing. While the total number of troops serving is declining, the force is becoming more diverse racially, ethnically, and by gender.

The majority of new recruits come from families with incomes between $38,345 – $80,912. Eighty percent come from families with a history of service. Their father, uncle, or grandfather also served. The share of the US population with military experience is on the decline. Seven percent of the total US population served in 2016 down from eighteen percent in 1980.

Fifty six percent of active duty personal are married, seven percent are in dual military families and thirty nine percent have children. According to a study conducted by the Rand Corporation since 2001, 2.77 million service members have served on 5.4 million deployments across the world with soldiers from the Army accounting for the bulk of them. Deployed personnel were under 30 years old on average, over half were married and about half had children.

On average military personnel sign on for four years of active duty plus four years in the reserves. Deployment for service personnel is typically for a period of 12 months followed by 12 months stateside. A post 9/11 service person will very likely see a second deployment during their term of enlistment. Career service members typically rotate 12 months deployed, 12 months home, 12 months deployed, 24 months home.

So, who do we thank? We thank all service men and women. We thank the husbands, wives and children of our service men and women. Post 9/11 military service is a family job.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Jack be Nimble & Quick … Get Your Affairs in Order!

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 28 Oct 2023 14:20:33 GMT

One thing we have come to realize the past few years is the value of being nimble, agile or light footed. Our world has been turned inside out. We have all come to expect the unexpected and to realize that little is certain. Getting a handle on life post-2020 has been a little like nailing Jell-O! Being flexible and prepared has become more important than ever before.

Many of us have reevaluated our preparedness for everything from fire and flood to shortages of toilet paper and food. Being prepared, in this uncertain world, relieves anxiety. We just feel better when we have a stash of canned goods and a couple of cases of TP at the ready.

No one wants to think about a family member losing their independence or becoming ill or worse: dying. Still, it is something we should consider. Is there someone you could become responsible for if they fall ill? Do you have a medical power of attorney for that person? Is there an advance directive for health care? Is there a funeral plan? Who would be responsible for you if you were the one who became ill and not able to make your own decisions? Does that person have a POA for you? Have you provided an advance directive? Do you have a funeral plan? Does your designated person know who to call and what you would want them to do?

The documents that meet the legal requirements in each state for a medical POA and advance directives are generally available on-line. A funeral plan is something you do with a funeral director or funeral planner. Nearly all funeral homes have someone on staff designated to help people in their community with advance funeral planning. This service is usually provided free of charge and the funeral home will keep a copy of your plan on file at the funeral home.

Funeral plans are, by design, nimble. They are portable so if you move you can take them with you. They can also always be changed and updated should your ideas about your service change over time.

If you have been putting off taking care of any of these documents, now is the time. You will feel better when it is all done and in order.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Memorializing an Avid gardener

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Fri, 20 Oct 2023 02:42:38 GMT

When a life ends, we remember. We remember the love, the bonds, and the passions of the person who died. A well put-together funeral that honors the life, faith, and relationships of the deceased is the first foothold on the path of healing for survivors.

Funerals that reflect a person’s interests can be powerful. They provide comfort for the family left behind. Funerals help change the focus from the cause of death, to the life that was lived. That remembering is comforting. So how can a family weave their mother or father’s love of gardening into the funeral service?

Be it a love of growing vegetables, flowers, or both, there are hundreds of ways to reflect a person’s passion for gardening in a funeral service. A few ideas follow:

· Get that great picture of your gardener wearing their favorite gardening hat, face streaked with dirt and trowel in hand. Blow it up LARGE and display it during the visitation or memorial.

· Ask friends and family to bring a small potted flower or plant in lei of traditional funeral flower arrangements and have a plant swap … those who attend the funeral can take home a plant to grow in their own garden in remembrance of the gardener.

· Use your gardener’s favorite flowers or an arrangement of vegetables as the casket spray

· If you really want to go big, consider what florists can do for weddings and talk to yours about bringing a garden to the church or funeral home.

· Give a packet of seeds or a pair of garden gloves as a favor to funeral attendees

· Include a garden-themed poem in the funeral service

· Have a memorial tree planted at your local arboretum to honor your loved one.

· Ask your funeral director to help you find funeral products that reflect that love of all things gardening to support the service choices you have made.

The ideas above are just a short list of possibilities. There are many more, you just need to do two things. First, be open. Think about that person you love, talk with the others who loved them. Ask yourself, “how do we showcase that gardening passion in the funeral or memorial service?” Second, ask for help. Tell your funeral director what you want to do. Challenge him to either be creative or help you connect with other professionals in your community who can support your goal. Your funeral director wants you and your family to have the absolute best, most meaningful funeral service. He or she is there to help you, just ask.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Attending a Lot of Funerals

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 14 Oct 2023 19:51:25 GMT

Funerals are beautiful celebrations of life that allow us to say goodbye to people we loved. But there may come a time when attending a funeral is sadly no longer a rare occurrence. Having to attend many funerals can be overwhelming, instigating feelings of grief for many different loved ones. What can you do to help yourself when attending too many funerals becomes overpowering?

What to Do When You’re Attending Many Funerals

Recognize that you can only do so much.

A funeral can be a celebration for someone who has passed, but it’s also a chance to be there for those who remain. Especially if you were very close to the person who passed, you’d naturally want to do all you can for the people they loved. That desire comes from a good place, but when you’re attending a lot of funerals, you may quickly find yourself overextended. Wanting to help is admirable, but remember that you’re experiencing much grief right now. It’s not easy to lose so many people you love in a short amount of time. Taking care of yourself is essential too.

Consider speaking to someone.

Especially if you’ve reached an age where many of your friends are no longer with you, talking to a mental health professional is vital. You’re experiencing grief, but so many funerals can also trigger some thoughts about your own passing. While talking to your family may be helpful, a mental health professional with experience helping others overcome grief can guide you through the tough questions. Depending on how your loved ones passed, you might also want to work with a professional with particular experience, such as one who works with people whose loved ones passed from advanced age or terminal illness.

Know that it’s okay to decline.

Attending a funeral allows you to pay tribute to someone you loved. But that’s not to say that it’s the only way. When you’re going to many funerals, you may become overwhelmed. You’re grieving too, and losing so many people one after another is heartbreaking. Sometimes, a funeral is too much when you’re already emotionally exhausted. If you find it too difficult to go to another funeral, write a letter of condolence to the remaining family. You may want to explain the situation, but you don’t need to present your emotional state. It’s more important to spend the letter talking about the person you and they are missing. Talk about how much you loved them and what they meant to you. If you’re feeling up to it, you can offer support to the remaining family, but if not, it’s enough to say that you’re sorry for their loss and that their loved one will be greatly missed.

Spend more time with the ones you love.

You may find yourself thinking about your own mortality when you’re attending a lot of funerals. It’s natural to have questions and worries, especially if you’re of an age where it’s hard to know how much time is left. A big part of enjoying the time we have is spending it with those who matter to us. Especially after losing many people very quickly, you should try to remind yourself that you’re still not alone. There are people out there who love you and who you love back. You may feel lonely after losing so many loved ones, but combatting loneliness starts with recognizing that it’s never too late to forge deeper bonds in our lives.

Don’t mask your thoughts.

Losing loved ones, especially many in a short time, can trigger symptoms of anxiety, such as racing thoughts. Many people try to cover their thoughts, searching for distractions. But those distractions only mask the symptom rather than treating the root of the problem. Refusing to recognize your thoughts only makes them fester, which can worsen anxiety. Instead, spend time with your thoughts and learn how to cope with them. Find ways to address your anxious thoughts. Working through a plan with your mental health professional is a good way to combat how you’re feeling properly. Some methods of managing anxious thoughts that may help include taking time every day to write out how you’re feeling, doing deep breathing exercises, or having a daily session of either walking or sitting meditation.

For many of us, once we reach a certain age, we’ll sadly begin attending many funerals. But whether that stage in your life comes tragically early or much later on, you must take care of yourself. Grief is a sneaky emotion. Taking care of your mental health can help prevent it from becoming too overwhelming. Even still, it’s okay to miss people. You’re going to miss talking to them, seeing their smiles, hearing their voice, and all the little things that they brought to the world that made it a brighter place. Nothing takes away the pain of losing them, but working with a mental health professional and continuing to live each day in the best way possible can make the world feel a little less dark without them.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Where Not to Scatter Cremated Remains

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 07 Oct 2023 15:57:39 GMT

For many folks the absolute “best” final resting place is someplace they loved when they were alive. Their “burial” plan is not to be buried at all, but to be cremated and have their ashes scattered at a special location. For those who prefer scattering there are a wide variety of options available. Still, not every scattering idea is a good idea. To help you determine if your scattering plan is a good plan be sure to consider these four things.

1. Think about the location of your choice. Is it legal and will it work? With permission from the owner of the golf course ashes could be scattered. Without permission scattering on private property that belongs to someone else is not legal and may not go smoothly.

2. As you put together your plan keep in mind scattering does not eliminate emotion. Family members tasked with scattering a loved one’s ashes experience the same emotions as those who stand at the graveside and watch the casket being lowered into the ground. No amount of creativity in the selection of the location will eliminate the emotion of the task.

3. You need a plan. “Just scatter me” is not a plan, it is a shift of responsibility. Someone in your family is going to be required to figure out when and where this scattering will take place if you do not.

4. Seek professional advice. Your funeral director can help you plan and prepare for a successful scattering.

Scattering at sea

There are laws. Federal law protects the oceans. See United States Environmental Protection Agency Burial at Sea for detailed policy information. Scattering in the ocean must take place at least three miles from shore, the ashes can go in, the container may not. That is unless it is biodegradable, then both the container and its contents can be commissioned to the sea. The expense of purchasing a proper biodegradable cremation urn is money well spent. The sea will be moving, maybe a little, or maybe even a lot. A smooth operation is critical to everyone feeling good about the dignity of the ceremony. Your funeral director can help you find a proper container for scattering at sea.

Consider using an offshore scattering service instead of a friend with a boat for the actual ceremony. A service gives your family the benefit of experience. They will know how to position the boat in relation to the wind and waves in order to assure a pleasant experience. Professionals will also be prepared for the needs of the family on board. They will not be surprised or unprepared for sea sickness of guests. Your funeral director is your best resource for finding this kind of service.

Scattering on public lands

States have jurisdiction over public lands and waterways within their boundaries. Laws vary widely from state to state. Be sure to ask your funeral director about the laws in your state. Seek advice and take care to be sure the scattering ceremony your family has planned will not run into an embarrassing roadblock midway into the ceremony. Share your plan and ask for the professional advice of your funeral director.

Scattering on private property

Scattering on private property requires the permission of the property owner. Resist the temptation to skip the permission step. Scattering on property that is not your own without permission is a recipe for disaster.

In addition to giving careful consideration to the scattering location it is always a good idea to consider the feelings of the mourners. It is easy to move forward with the desire of the deceased to be scattered and still satisfy the needs of mourners who may not be entirely comfortable with scattering. All that is required is good communication. Talk to your family about your plan well in advance. Find out who is and who may not be comfortable with your desire.

One of the lovely things about cremation is that the ashes can easily be divided. A family member can retain a small portion of the remains in a keepsake urn, garden bench, paperweight or even a piece of cremation jewelry. The remainder can then be scattered according to the wishes of the deceased.

One final consideration if you are thinking of leaving your family scattering instructions -be sure to think it through. Consider how your desire will play out for at least the next two or three generations. Will your beloved garden still be in the family? Or might the property be sold? Who will keep the urn after your wife dies, how about after your daughter dies? Think about how those who mourn you may be impacted by your desire to be scattered.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Funerals of Our Presidents

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 30 Sep 2023 18:24:46 GMT

A funeral offers a chance to say goodbye, but how do we say our farewells to those who forged the path of our nation? Presidential funerals have proven to be groundbreaking occasions that set the tone for how the nation grieves. Let’s take a look at how we as a country said goodbye to some of our most beloved leaders.

Funerals of Our Presidents

George Washington

Our first president passed on Dec. 14, 1799 , with the request that he not be buried for three days’ time. George Washington had a great fear of being buried alive , which was why he asked for the three days. During that time, he was held in a mahogany casket in Mount Vernon’s New Room.

On Dec. 18, his military funeral was held in Mount Vernon and became a template for future funerals honoring military officers. As Washington was a devout member of the Anglican Church and a Freemason, both Anglican and Masonic burial services were conducted in his honor. After his pastor gave the eulogy, 11 artillery pieces on shore were fired off, answering the echo of the minute guns’ crack from a schooner on the Potomac River. He was buried in a tomb in his beloved Mount Vernon.

John Adams

Our second president passed on the 50th anniversary of the passage of the Declaration of Independence. He was entombed in Quincy, Massachusetts , on July 7, 1826. Minute guns were fired from Mount Wollaston throughout the entirety of the ceremony, with several adjoining towns joining in with ways of paying homage of their own, with bells tolling throughout Massachusetts and beyond.

Thomas Jefferson

Though Thomas Jefferson and Adams fought very publicly for a time, they rekindled their friendship in their later years. Perhaps their brotherhood is why they passed on the same day . On July 4, 1826, Jefferson passed around noon after falling into a coma the previous day. It’s said that Adams fell into unconsciousness around that time before awaking again at around 5:30 P.M. to say his final words, reportedly either “Thomas Jefferson survives” or “Thomas Jefferson still lives.”

Jefferson himself had requested a simple ceremony . No invitations were sent out, though friends and visitors were welcome to go to the gravesite once he was buried. He is believed to have been buried in a simple, wooden coffin. He was laid to rest in the Monticello graveyard just one day after his death on July 5.

Abraham Lincoln

It was believed that when the 16th president was assassinated, dying on April 15, 1865, the American citizens were not yet ready to say goodbye. So, they were given a chance to . Although Mary Lincoln wanted her husband to take a direct route to where he’d be laid to rest in Springfield, Missouri, Lincoln’s secretary of war, Edwin Stanton, convinced her to approve a path that saw him retrace the steps he took from Springfield to the nation’s capital four years earlier. The president was embalmed, a relatively new process at the time, to allow citizens to say goodbye to him in the form they remembered him in.

At each stop on the railroad journey, thousands came out to see Lincoln. In fact, the trip was largely considered a unifying force for the Democrats and Republicans in the North during such a divisive time. Alongside Lincoln on his journey was the body of his 11-year-old son, Willie, who died of typhoid three years earlier. When the funeral procession ended at Oak Ridge Cemetery in Springfield and following an hour-long eulogy, both father and son were laid to rest in a limestone vault, with the doors and iron grating then shuttered.

Theodore Roosevelt

At the time of Theodore Roosevelt’s death , the then-vice president, Thomas Marshall, said, “Death had to take Roosevelt sleeping, for if he had been awake, there would have been a fight.” The 26th president, known for his strength, died on Jan. 6, 1919, in his sleep after suffering a coronary embolism, though his health had been declining for some time.

Not one for grandiose affairs, a private farewell service was held at his home, Sagamore Hill, in Oyster Bay, New York. A modest funeral was then held at Christ Episcopal Church in Oyster Bay before Roosevelt was buried on a hillside on Jan. 8 in Youngs Memorial Cemetery, overlooking the town. A bugler blew Taps as family members and dignitaries walked up the snow-covered hill to the burial site. When the ceremony ended, only one person stayed behind — former President William Howard Taft, who stood by his sometimes political ally, sometimes foe’s grave weeping long after everyone else had left.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt

FDR’s health had long been declining, a secret hidden from the public, but by the time he entered his fourth term, that secret became harder to keep. FDR was getting frailer with every photograph, and he eventually passed on April 12, 1945, in Warm Springs, Georgia . The Ferdinand Magellan train brought him back to Washington on April 14, where he was then carried on a caisson from Union Station to the White House. Over 500,000 people gathered silently to watch the procession before hundreds of mourners were invited to pay their respects and see the president a final time in the White House’s East Room.

Recognizing that the nation was at war and that many citizens were overseas, FDR requested a simple funeral with few formalities. Following the service, he was returned back to Union Station, where he’d begin an overnight journey to Hyde Park, New York. He was then brought to the edge of a meadow below his home, where a battalion of cadets awaited him. U.S. Army Air Force P-47s flew overhead, and once he was lowered into the ground, an honor guard of cadets fired over the grave.

The funerals of presidents signal a time of a nation in mourning. Much has changed over the years from the days of Washington’s burial, and one could argue that Lincoln’s funeral truly set that tone. It became normalized for the public to be allowed a chance to say goodbye as well, whether that be through a funeral procession or a viewing. Presidential funerals are as much a chance for us all to say farewell to a fallen leader as it is for us to come together as a nation.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Procrastination and Funeral Planning

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 23 Sep 2023 15:48:16 GMT

Another year over and you made it through without getting that funeral plan completed. But there it is, still on your to do list. How many years have you been thinking about getting this done? If you are a procrastinator this is the one you can put off until the very end. Then it will become a job for someone else.

Still, if it is on your list there must be a reason. Perhaps you want to be the one who decides what is done and how much is spent on your last good-bye. Maybe you were the one who had to take care of a parent’s funeral and you do not want to leave yours to your children. You had a reason. What was it?

Why do we put things off? What’s the benefit of procrastination? What’s the harm?

We are naturally conditioned to avoid unpleasant tasks. It is estimated that 10 to 20% of people put off regular dental visits. Why? Not because the results are good, that is for sure. People procrastinate because they are scared. They fear the dentist. And how does that work out? When they finally see the dentist, it is because they are in pain. It is an emergency. Avoiding the regular checkup, procrastinating, does not help. It makes the dental experience more painful and even more expensive. No benefit at all. Putting off funeral planning is a lot like putting off seeing the dentist, nothing good comes from procrastination.

Funeral Planning will not kill you. You will have to acknowledge your mortality, but then you do know you will die one day, don’t you? So, what are you waiting for? Do you think planning will be easier if you wait until you are ill? No, of course it will not be easier if you are sick.

Actually, the longer a person waits to get a plan in place the fewer payment options they will be able to take advantage of and the costs increase. A younger person can plan, and if they choose to, purchase insurance for their plan so when they die the insurance company will cover the funeral cost. Coverage like that does not get cheaper as we age, it is the other way around. Funeral costs, like most costs, have historically increased over time. There is no point waiting. The cost will not go down.

Experience tells us people who complete a plan feel good and are pleasantly surprised at how easy it was. On average it takes about two hours to complete a funeral plan. You will most likely be able to choose to have a planner come to your home if you don’t want to go to the funeral home. Planning your funeral is not difficult. Just call the funeral home and set up a time. Do not wait. 2021 will be over sooner than you think.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Five Themed Funeral Ideas to Personalize a Funeral

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 16 Sep 2023 14:03:37 GMT

Pictures

A picture is worth a thousand words. Pictures bring memories to life; they stimulate conversation and can illustrate an entire lifespan.

There are different ways to use pictures in a funeral service. Many funeral homes have resources onsite or know just where a family can find what they need. Photos can be enlarged or displayed on a board or placed in albums on a table. Photos may also be incorporated into a slide show or shown in a loop on a video monitor or flat screen.

The exercise of going through family photos and choosing which to use for the funeral is cathartic in and of itself. As the family members sort through their photos and discuss which to use, stories are bound to be shared. This activity is healing. It helps the mourners move from thinking and talking about the cause of death to thinking and talking about the life that was lived.

As the pictures are selected and decisions are being made about how to share them, think about how time will come into play. How long will people be comfortable standing in front of a flat screen? Ask your funeral director for guidance. Consider sharing photos in more than one format, or having more than one video set up, or showing more than one video at different times in the service. Ask for what you want and need.

Music

The span of a lifetime can be reflected in the music a person listened to and loved. From Frank Sinatra to Pavarotti, boy band to the church choir, music is the background of our lives. Including music in a funeral service can bring life to the service. Do not be afraid to step out of the box. If the one you loved really liked to rock it out at top volume go ahead and ask to play one of their favorites loud, as visitors leave the funeral home. Talk to your funeral director about how you can include the music that reflects your loved one.

Stories

A good speaker, who knew well the person who died, can bring both tears and laughter to a funeral service. However, not everyone is a good speaker. Choose wisely and do not be afraid to ask what is going to be said. Surprises can be upsetting to some and funerals always leave a lasting impression. Do not be shy. Ask the speaker what is being planned. This extends to the religious officiant as well, especially if the clergyperson is not well known to the family.

Your funeral director has a lot of valuable experience. Be sure to tap into that experience. Ask her how many speakers to have and how long a service should last. Be sure to watch for overlap in stories. One person talking about the time the football tickets were left at home for the big game is probably enough. Nobody wants to be second up with the same story prepared and rehearsed.

Public speaking is in the top five fears of nearly everyone. If your circle does not include a good storyteller, ask the funeral director if there is a Funeral Celebrant in your community who could help with this part of the service.

Passions

The things a person loved help tell their life story. It could be a team they watched or a sport they played. Some people are passionate about their work, others are inspired throughout their life by a hobby or pursuing a talent. Regardless, passions help to define a life. It is no wonder mourners wish to honor their loved one’s passion when life comes to an end.

There are different ways this can be accomplished. There are caskets that honor a team or school. Favors that reflect a love of gardening, cooking, golf or almost anything, can be given to attendees. “Secret” recipes can be shared. Once again, your funeral director will be an excellent resource to help you incorporate the passion all the visitors will recognize into the service.

Faith

When family members all share a common faith with the person who died, this part of the funeral service usually comes together easily. However, it sometimes happens that more than one religious affiliation is practiced within the family. In this case, the religious portion of the service is usually a reflection of the faith of the deceased.

When the deceased was not religious but close family members have a strong religious affiliation, who performs the service and how the religious service is handled may become tricky. It is always helpful to remember that funeral services leave a lasting impression. For this reason, it is important to try and please all close family members. Your funeral director can help sort this out.

In summary:

A funeral may include some or all of the elements mentioned above. It should reflect the life of the person who died and bring comfort to close family members. Funeral directors are eager to have the service meet the family’s desires. Still, funeral directors are not mind readers.

In order to meet the expectations of the family, members must listen to each other and communicate openly with the director. If there is something important to one or more family members, what it is and that it is important must be shared with the funeral director. Seek the professional advice of your funeral director and be clear and firm regarding any elements that will be crucial to the success of any family member’s grieving process.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Is Go Fund Me the Best Way to Pay for a Funeral?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 09 Sep 2023 00:48:57 GMT

Funerals are a way for people to celebrate the lives of their loved ones, but these celebrations often have a price tag that can be very high for the average family. A funeral with a viewing and a burial can cost upwards of $7,000 . And when you consider that many families are also attempting to pay off additional expenses, like medical costs, after their loved one passes, they can quickly struggle under the weight of their financial burden. It’s no wonder why so many families turn to GoFundMe to ask for help covering all the costs, but is there a better way to pay for a funeral?

Should you use GoFundMe to pay for a funeral?

When GoFundMe launched in 2010, it changed how everything from novel inventions to wedding ceremonies were funded. It’s likely that at some point in your life, someone you know has used GoFundMe, and maybe you’ve donated through it yourself. GoFundMe has also changed the way that we pay for funeral expenses.

In most cases, a decedent's family will pay for the funeral and disposition of their loved one. With GoFundMe, more of the burden is relieved from the immediate family. Suddenly, people you didn’t even know your loved one knew are donating through GoFundMe. Students of a teacher they haven’t seen in years want to donate. Coworkers from companies your loved one hasn’t worked at in decades decide to contribute. Neighbors, friends, and even friends of friends want to help in any way that they can. GoFundMe can be a wonderful resource that just goes to show how many lives your loved one has touched throughout their life. But although GoFundMe has proven to be a valuable resource for many families attempting to pay for funerals on their own, the best way to pay for a funeral is to pay into the costs before they happen.

Is there a better way to pay for a funeral?

Although it can be unpleasant to think about a time when you’ll no longer be around, planning for your funeral is a gift to your loved ones. And that includes planning for the expenses that come with a funeral and disposition. Although many people believe that having life insurance is enough, life insurance often doesn’t end up covering the total cost of a funeral, which can lead to your family paying out of pocket for funeral expenses later on. But there are other ways to pay toward your funeral.

One option is to talk to your chosen funeral home about planning and paying for your funeral in advance. When you preplan your funeral, you can decide to pay for your plans in advance. You’ll work with the funeral home to make your arrangements, including what services you want to hold, whether you’d like to be buried or cremated, and what type of casket or urn you’d like. After you decide on all these details, you’ll be able to pay for them through the funeral home.

Funeral homes typically offer a variety of payment plans, including the option to pay for your funeral and disposition in full. By making these payments in advance, you’re saving your family from financial strain later on. When you pay in full, you’re guaranteeing that the funeral you plan is the one that your family will be able to hold for you. There will be no need for a GoFundMe after you pass because you already funded your funeral yourself.

GoFundMe has undoubtedly changed how we fund funerals, but the best way to pay for a funeral is always by planning ahead. As you plan your funeral, talk to your funeral director about your options for prepaying for your funeral and disposition. By paying for your funeral ahead of time, you’ll save your family from surprise expenses down the road. If you’re covering the cost of your funeral now, your family won’t need GoFundMe later.

If you’re looking to cover the costs of a funeral for a loved one who did not preplan or prepay, your funeral home may be able to help. Some funeral homes offer a crowdfunding service that functions similarly to GoFundMe. Before making a GoFundMe account, talk to your funeral home about what kinds of crowdfunding services they offer.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Moving on (Too) Quickly for Others

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 02 Sep 2023 16:58:49 GMT

What does grief look like? You might be thinking now about the five stages : anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But what happens when someone goes out of order, skips a step, or doesn’t go through them at all? Although you may think it’s a sign that something is wrong, the truth is that we all experience grief in different ways. And someone may move through grief faster than someone else.

First things first, forget what you know about grief.

In 1969, in her book On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the Kübler-Ross mode l, which became known as the five stages of grief. And although we typically associate this model with describing how we grieve someone’s death, that’s not actually what it was made for. It’s meant to give structure to how someone comes to terms with being diagnosed with a terminal illness. The five stages of grief were never about grieving a loved one’s death.

However, other studies have tried to apply the model to grieving a loved one, only to find that it doesn’t really work the way that people believe it does. A 1981 study that looked at individuals who had been widowed for various lengths of time found that the pain and stress of widowhood persisted for years, with no subjects falling into particular stages at certain times, as the five stages of grief suggested they would. A 2002 study took a look at people before and after their spouses’ deaths and found that only 11 percent followed the Kübler-Ross model’s trajectory.

So, if the five stages of grief aren’t scientifically accurate, why do we hold onto this idea that there’s a “right” way to grieve? When a daughter loses a father, is she wrong to go back to work the same week? When a husband loses a wife, is he wrong to be on a dating app by the end of the year? Perhaps yes and perhaps no. But these feelings are personal. And although you may imagine that you’d grieve in a certain way if you lost someone close to you, you cannot know what their grief is like.

What should you do if someone you love is moving on “too” quickly?

One thing that should be considered before you try to intervene when you think someone is moving on very quickly is whether or not they are really moving on at all. In the case of a daughter going back to work, she might not be trying to move on. She might simply be looking for a distraction because being at home is too painful. In which case, be kind and don’t remind her of her loss. Be a friend, let her talk to you about her loss if she wants to, and otherwise be someone she can turn to when she needs to take her mind off grief or funeral planning. Although she may look like she’s moving on quickly on the outside, she might still be grieving, just in a different way from your personal grieving process.

But what about a husband who is looking to remarry soon after losing his spouse? Men are significantly more likely to begin dating after being widowed, and they’re more likely to do it sooner as well. After 25 months following the loss of a spouse, 61 percent of men are in a new relationship, compared to just 19 percent of women. So, do most men then move on too quickly? Regardless of gender, people who remarry after their spouse’s death report lower levels of depression and greater life satisfaction and well-being than those who don’t. But because men are more likely to have fewer friends than women, husbands often rely on their wives as their primary source of emotional and social support. When a wife dies, a husband may suddenly feel cut off from those crucial outlets, which propels him into the dating world sooner than a woman who lost her husband.

Should you intervene if someone you love is looking for love after losing their spouse? If you’re very close, you may consider voicing your concerns, but keep in mind what they gain in their life by remarrying. The thing about moving on is that it’s taking steps to keep living. It doesn’t mean that there’s no grief remaining. A person who loses a spouse needs to learn to live without them, but they still will miss their presence. And if that person remarries, it doesn’t mean that they’re replacing their spouses, nor are they trying to forget their spouse and all the memories they made together. They’re just searching for more fulfillment in their lives, and for many people, that includes learning to love again.

Ultimately, only one person can decide if they’re ready to move on, and that’s the person who lost their loved one. If you think you’re ready to move on in terms of dating again, it’s important to ask yourself if you feel prepared for this new change. Can you let someone else into your life? Can you love your new partner the way they deserve to be loved? If you know wholeheartedly that you can, you’re ready. But no one else can answer those questions but you. And if you’re seeing someone you love move on in a way that you don’t think you could or would, remember that you’re not the one who experienced their grief. Only they know what their grief is like and whether they’re ready to move on. All you can do is be there for them as they try to make this new transition in their life.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

My Financial Advisor Doesn’t Think it’s a Good Idea to Preplan My Funeral

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 26 Aug 2023 16:51:24 GMT

The butcher, the baker, the candle stick maker. Does anyone go to the butcher for a candle? Would anyone even think of asking the funeral director for investment advice? The financial advisor, while very knowledgeable about money and investments, has little experience in helping a family honor the life of someone they love. Yesterday you could hold the hand of your loved one, today you must figure out how to say good-bye. Tomorrow you will begin the difficult task of living without the one you love. In the midst of all of this you will need to plan and pay for a funeral service. Helping families navigate those difficult days or to plan for this inevitable event is the job of the funeral director.

Accessing the dollars to pay for a funeral is where the financial planner can help. A financial planner who is familiar with a family’s financial resources can help them decide how and when to pay for a funeral. In a perfect world the investor, that’s you, would not die on a day the market was down, or just as his stocks were on the rise. He would die when it is a good time to take the cost of his funeral out of his investments. His heirs would not be burdened with tax consequences. Truth be told, life just does not always work out perfectly. We do not decide when we die.

This is what you can do. Plan the funeral with your funeral director. Talk to her about service options that will help your family cope with your loss. Talk to her about how much you are comfortable spending. Become educated about the advance payment options that are offered through the funeral home.

Ask if you can pay for your funeral in monthly payments over a few years. Ask what happens if you die before you complete all payments. Many funeral homes fund funerals with insurance products designed just to pay for funerals. That can mean the funeral will be paid for by the insurance company should death occur before your payments are completed.

Ask what happens if the cost of your funeral increases between now and when you die. Is there protection available for funeral inflation?

Talk to your spouse. If you die first, who will pay for the funeral? Where will the money come from? Will there be tax consequences? Would it be easier for the one who will be responsible if the funeral plan were funded? Decide what will work best for your family.

Now, go to your financial advisor. Ask him if you should pay for your funeral in one single payment now, or should you take advantage of one of the payment plans? Share all the information you receive from the funeral home. Get financial advice, not permission, from the one who looks through the lens of the dollars, the financial advisor. Get your funeral planning advice from the one who helps families cope with death, the funeral director. Make your decisions for the ones you love, with the ones you love, your family.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Do You Have to Be a Funeral Director to Work at a Funeral Home?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 19 Aug 2023 18:12:45 GMT

When we talk about working with a funeral home to plan a loved one’s funeral, one person who plays a central role in creating an event that celebrates that loved one’s life is the funeral director. A funeral director is essentially your go-to person at the funeral home, there to provide care and support during an incredibly challenging time. They oversee and direct all funeral services, from viewings and visitations to burials and cremations. But there’s even a lot of work that funeral directors do behind the scenes that families don’t see, such as organizing transportation for your loved one to and from the funeral home, coordinating receptions, and ensuring that all necessary paperwork is filed properly and in a timely manner.

There’s no doubt that a funeral director plays an essential role in every funeral, but luckily, they don’t have to do it alone. Especially in larger funeral homes, there can be plenty of people to assist the funeral director and care for families during this emotional time.

]

Who works at a funeral home?

One essential part of a funeral home is an embalmer. In the United States, 50 percent of people are embalmed. Embalming is often necessary for funerals and viewings so that the loved one will look more like how families and friends remember them. Although many funeral directors are also embalmers, it’s very common for larger funeral homes to have several embalmers on staff. Not only do embalmers have to have a special license, but they also must have a degree in mortuary science and have undergone an apprenticeship under an experienced embalmer.

An embalmer may also work as a mortuary cosmetologist, also known as a desairologist. In this position, they work on the hair and makeup of a decedent, an essential part of preparing a loved one for their viewing or open-casket funeral. However, not all embalmers are desairologists, and it’s not uncommon for larger funeral homes to work with additional mortuary cosmetologists.

Although funeral directors oversee all ceremonies, those events couldn’t happen without the work of funeral attendants. Attendants work under funeral directors to ensure that everything runs smoothly so families needn’t worry and can simply grieve in peace. They assist in setting up funeral rooms, transporting caskets, and doing anything a funeral director may need of them.

Not every funeral home has the same type of staff, but advanced planning advisors are often a crucial part of the team. When you pre-plan your funeral, you’re reducing the stress of your family having to wonder if they’re giving you the funeral you truly want. Without pre-planning, an already difficult time becomes even more challenging. Advanced planning advisors work with people who want to save their families from that distress. When you work with an advanced planning advisor, you’re giving your family a blueprint of what you want your funeral to look like. When the time comes, the advanced planning advisor will work with the funeral director and other staff members to put that plan into action.

Just like a funeral home may have someone on staff to help before a funeral even needs to happen, it may also have someone who works with families after the funeral ends. Because funeral homes are such an essential part of a community, many funeral home staff members consider being an active member of their community to be part of their job description. But for some people, their job is solely about caring for the community. Some funeral homes provide aftercare, which means that staff members help families during their time of grief. Since that mourning period doesn’t end with the funeral, neither does the care these funeral homes give. These workers may be grief counselors, or they may go by a different title, but in their role, they make sure that families don’t have to go through mourning alone.

But many other people play essential roles in creating funerals that celebrate an individual’s life. Administrators and administrative assistants keep a funeral director on track, ensuring they have everything they need to take care of any families who come to their funeral home. They work to create a friendly but professional atmosphere, giving comfort to the families and their guests.

Although the funeral director may be the face that you associate with a funeral home, they’re surrounded by people who care about their community and want to be part of making a funeral a cherished event that celebrates the life of someone who meant so much to so many people. Working in a funeral home takes a kind demeanor and temperament. From administrative assistants to embalmers, funeral home staff members are unique individuals who will care for people during one of the most challenging times in their life. After years of training, these community-minded individuals love the opportunity to be of service to people in need.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What is an Ossuary?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 12 Aug 2023 14:03:04 GMT

Ossuaries are making a comeback as an alternative final resting place for cremated remains.

In ancient times as far back as c. 40 B.C.E. Ossuaries were popular among the Jewish population. An ossuary is a chest, box, building, well, cave or site made to serve as the final resting place of human skeletal remains. Historically ossuaries have been used in areas where burial space was scarce or in situations where large numbers of people died in a short time such as a plague or battle. The deceased would first be buried in a temporary gravesite and then after some years the skeletal remains would be removed and placed in an ossuary. An ossuary is a communal space where the bones of many people are entombed together often arranged in elaborate patterns. They were always sites of reverence and respect.

There are many historic ossuaries around the world that can be visited today. One of the most recent to be constructed is the Phnom Penh Memorial Stupa in Cambodia. Between 1975 and 1979 the Khmer Rouge killed 1.7 million people. Many of those people were buried in unceremonious mass graves. The Phnom Penh memorial stupa holds the remains of an estimated 10,000 people who were removed from the mass graves and moved to the memorial to provide a dignified final resting place.

Today’s ossuaries are very different in that they do not require exhumation and reburial of bones. Ossuaries today consist of an above ground tomb/marker and an underground vault. Cremated remains, usually contained in a soft material bag inscribed with the name, birth date, and death date of the deceased are dropped into the vault where they rest in community with others. These ossuaries are similar to the ancient in that more than one individual is entombed. They are communal and they hold bone albeit bone fragments produced as the result of the cremation process.

Ossuaries are found in a growing number of cemeteries. They provide a dignified final resting place for those who prefer to be cremated but are not comfortable with the impermanence of scattering. The ossuary space has a low environmental impact, costs less than burial, and gives the family the added benefit of knowing the one they loved rests in a place that will remain intact. Ossuaries provide a dignified final resting place for those who prefer cremation.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

What is a Columbarium Niche?

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 05 Aug 2023 16:49:31 GMT

A columbarium niche is a final resting place for ashes after cremation. Niches are above ground and are most often built into a wall. The wall is made up of individual compartments that hold an urn containing the ashes of one individual. Columbarium niches are available at many cemeteries and some churches. The niches or compartments may be glass-enclosed, allowing the urn or container to be seen. An alternative design uses sealed stone cubicles very similar to a mausoleum. Sometimes the wall contains open niches. The columbarium wall may be contained in a building or may be free-standing outdoors.

The size of the Niche is usually a standard 9x9x9. This means the choice of urn is limited to something that will fit in the niche. Depending on the design of the columbarium, the choice of urn may be further restricted. There are some columbarium that are stunningly beautiful with glass niches backlit to enhance the display of ceramic urns.

Although cremated remains, or ashes, may be scattered in a location that was special to the deceased, there are laws. Each state regulates where ashes may be scattered. Sometimes scattering is not practical. Often scattering does not satisfy the need of family members to have a fixed location where they can go to remember. A columbarium niche provides a permanent resting place for cremated remains. The cost varies with location but generally speaking it is less than that of burial.

The choice to be cremated does not in any way dictate the type of funeral service that may be held. A full funeral service including visitation with the body present can be held prior to the body being cremated. The service may be faith based or a celebration of life or it may include both. The choice to cremate does require that an individual seriously consider the needs of their family when choosing among the many options regarding a final resting place for the cremated remains.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Why Preplanning is a Good Thing for Parents

Sat, 29 Jul 2023 14:28:28 GMT

No one likes to imagine a time when they’re not around to help their children anymore. A parent’s job is never done, regardless of how old their children are. But there may be a time when a parent is no longer there physically for their children. However, there’s one final gift that any parent can give to their child. Preplanning your funeral as a parent can save your child from added pain and stress during an already challenging time.

Why Should Parents Preplan?

If you have several children, you’ll spare them from future spats.

When a parent passes away, it usually falls to the children to plan their funeral and disposition. But what happens when there are several children making decisions? Unfortunately, if they don’t know their parent’s wishes, those children will often butt heads because they all have different ideas that they want to follow. Everyone only gets one funeral and one disposition, so it’s crucial that they properly honor the loved one who passed. But each child may have a different image of what honoring their parent looks like.

By preplanning your funeral, your children will know what your wishes are. There won’t be any competing ideas that can result in arguments. There will be one set of instructions to follow — yours. During a time of great grief, emotions can run high, which can make even the smallest of arguments quickly compound. With your preplanning instructions, they can grieve together in peace instead of fighting while they should be spending time comforting and supporting one another.

If you have one child, you’ll spare them from becoming overwhelmed.

If you do have multiple children, you can take comfort in knowing that they’ll be going through the funeral planning process together. And while that can lead to fights, it can also lead to them feeling less alone during a lonely time, especially if you preplan to make arguments less likely. However, if you only have one child, they’ll be the only one making the decisions around your funeral. They may feel like they have no one to talk to, causing them to wonder if they’re making the right choices with no one else supplying their thoughts. The funeral planning process can feel overwhelming. There are many decisions to be made, from what types of services to have to where your final resting place should be. Losing a parent can trigger feelings of loneliness and isolation, in addition to powerful grief. But if your child has to plan every detail of your funeral and disposition while they’re already emotionally taxed, they may neglect taking care of themselves in favor of taking care of the funeral.

It’s hard to be an only child who lost their parent. There are no siblings there to comfort one another. Your child may find themselves feeling more alone than they’ve ever felt. By preplanning your funeral, you take the stress of worrying about the funeral off of them. You’re giving them a gift, saying that they can take care of themselves during this difficult time, rather than thinking about every detail of the funeral.

You’ll know that you’ve done your best to guide your children through the funeral process.

Parents never stop teaching. Whether your child is three or 43, you want to be a source of knowledge and guidance for them. Parents wish that they had all the answers in the world for their children, but one answer that they can give is what they want at their funeral and as a final resting place. Still, because talking about funerals and disposition can be uncomfortable, many parents neglect to have this essential conversation with their children.

When you preplan a funeral, you’re going one step further than simply talking about what you want. You’re giving your children a blueprint. Your children will know that they are hosting the funeral that you wanted, giving them peace of mind. They can mourn without any concerns about whether or not they’ve done right by your wishes. They’ll have your wishes written out for their guidance.

You can opt to prefund, saving your children from future financial woes.

Although you can preplan without prefunding your funeral, choosing prefund can spare your children from worrying about whether or not they can afford the funeral you deserve. Many believe that life insurance will cover the cost of a funeral and disposition, but the funds that your family receives through life insurance are often used to cover other end-of-life care, like medical expenses. At the time of a funeral, services must be paid in full. Without prefunding, your children may end up struggling to cover the costs.

When you preplan your funeral, talk to your funeral director about your option for prefunding. They can walk you through the different plans that can help you cover your funeral and disposition in full, preventing your children from having to worry about if their finances line up with the funeral you’ve planned. There are many different options for paying toward your funeral, so working with a funeral director can ensure that you’re using a plan that works best for you and your family.

The best way to preplan, whether you intend to prefund or not, is by working with a funeral home. Planning with a funeral home takes more of the guesswork out of arranging your funeral. Your children will know exactly where your plans can be found, and they’ll be able to work with a funeral director who understands your wishes. Preplanning your funeral with a funeral home is a free process that anyone can do. It’s the best way to ensure that your final wishes are honored.

Preplanning your funeral as a parent is giving a final gift to your children. Losing a parent is something that many people will experience in life, but the loss is always difficult. You can make this challenging time easier for your children by allowing them to grieve in peace without the worry of funeral planning.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Memorial Service – Does My Casket or Urn Need to Be Present?

Fri, 21 Jul 2023 03:55:57 GMT

A memorial service differs from a traditional funeral service in that it takes place after final disposition. Final disposition is either the cremation or burial of the deceased. So, the answer is no—neither the urn nor the casket need to be present at a memorial service. That said, in the case of a memorial service following cremation the urn may be present if that is the family’s desire.

Because a memorial service takes place after either burial or cremation have occurred, the urgency to put together a speedy service is removed. A memorial may take place days, weeks, or ever years after a death. This allows a family that is spread over a great distance with time to arrange for travel, time off work, return from overseas postings, or whatever would likely make it impossible for all to gather on short notice.

A memorial service also works well when a family prefers to be more creative in their farewell. The additional time supports the family’s efforts to arrange for music or food. It provides more time to gather photos, find appropriate readings, and find the perfect venue for the service.

A memorial service may be held just about anywhere. Many funeral homes have space designated for these services that includes audio visual equipment and, in some cases, catering and food service capabilities. Be sure to ask your funeral director for guidance and advice.

A memorial service may be faith based if the individual’s religion permits. Some religions require that disposition take place immediately after death, making memorial service the standard. Other denominations require the body be present for the religious part of the service, making a traditional funeral service a better fit. Again, your funeral director is well-versed in the religious traditions in your community and is an invaluable resource for putting together a service that supports your family’s faith base.

There are a few considerations that are best not overlooked when planning a memorial service. The amount of time between death and the memorial service can become protracted and that can create a burden for some family members. Be aware that many people have an acute need to gather with friends and family, talk about the person who died with others who loved them, cry in a safe place, and receive a much-needed hug. The memorial provides that opportunity and until it takes place, their pain is fresh; most people find a service helps put them on firm footing as they begin their grief journey. It is a good idea to check in with close family members and establish a timeline for the memorial service that takes everyone’s needs into consideration.

The second consideration is the “creativity” piece. When we have a traditional funeral service or a religious based funeral service there is a fairly clear roadmap. When that doesn’t fit for you, or your family, and you are not a creative group you need to speak up and ask your funeral director for help. Not every family has people who are comfortable with public speaking to deliver a eulogy or put together music or a photo slide show. Your funeral director is a resource, so feel free to ask for his or her help.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Five Tips to Help with the Year of Firsts

rjsharp@sharpfuneralhomes.com (RJ Sharp) — Sat, 15 Jul 2023 15:45:02 GMT

The first year following the death of someone dear—a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, or a good friend—is frequently referred to as “the year of firsts.” It will be the first time the holidays, birthdays, and the occasions both sad and happy that were shared and witnessed with the person who has passed will come and go alone, without the loved one. For most people it is a tough year. Still there are things that can be done to make experiencing these milestones easier.

1. Avoid being blindsided

Keep an eye on your calendar. Know what is coming. Be aware of the approaching anniversary, birthday, holiday or time of year when you always took a vacation with the person who has died is approaching. Do not let the day sneak up on you and catch you off guard.

2. Know that ignoring the occasion won’t help

When a sensitive occasion is noted on the horizon it may be tempting to think about just ignoring it and letting the day pass. That seldom works out well. Most find the loss of sharing the day with one’s special person cannot be ignored. Trying to do so may mean spending the day alone with a great big elephant in the room.

These are things everyone who has experienced a loss must go through. There is no going around. Grief is often likened to a journey. The first year is full of milestones encountered along the path to living life without the person who was loved. The end of the journey is not forgetting that person, it is finding a way to live life without the loved one in it.

3. Make a plan

Decide how you will mark the occasion. For some a trip to the cemetery will feel right. It might be a good idea to ask a friend or someone who shares your loss to come along. For others it may mean coming up with an alternative plan for spending a holiday. If the day was always celebrated with family at mom’s house and it is mom who has died, the family may all need to be included in how the day will be best celebrated.

4. Acknowledge your loss

Just as ignoring the day is not a good strategy, neither is ignoring the fact someone is missing from the celebration. Perhaps it will be appropriate to acknowledge your loss privately by making a visit to the cemetery or church to say a prayer or have a “chat” with your loved one. In some instances, you may find yourself spending the day with others who share your loss. In that case it may be lovely to include a mention, toast, or other remembrance of the one who died.

5. Include others

If you can, avoid spending the day alone. Do something with someone you love. It doesn’t have to be the same thing you always did with the person who is gone. While it may be enjoyable to carry on a tradition for some, for others the tradition may feel hallow when done with a “replacement person.” What you do should be something you enjoy. The idea is to own your loss, making an effort to celebrate the occasion in a way that is pleasant.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Deciding Between Burial and Cremation

Sat, 08 Jul 2023 19:34:50 GMT

First, take a deep breath, there is no wrong decision. Burial and cremation are just different means to the same end. The end is decomposition of the human body. The shell that for a lifetime housed a soul.

One is quick - cremation. The other is slow - burial. Aside from religious dictates, your choice is a personal matter. Whichever you choose will be just fine. Today about half of the people choose cremation and half choose burial. Some choose both. They are cremated and have their cremated remains buried.

Regardless of what you decide your choice will be inclusive. You can celebrate the life that was lived, honor your faith, and bring family and friends together with either cremation or burial.

Begin the decision-making process by taking some time to talk with close family members. Regardless of whether you are deciding for yourself in advance, or for a family member who has just passed, you’ll want to consider these three things:

1. Your family and their values and needs

How do the close family members feel about burial and cremation? When all is said and done close family members need to be comfortable with the choice. Grief is hard enough when everyone has peace of mind regarding the mode of final disposition. Nagging doubts should be avoided if possible. Some people are not comfortable with burial and an equal number are uneasy with the process of cremation. When evaluating the cremation or burial question it is important to remember the body will be without feeling. The spirit or soul is gone. The body will not feel heat or cold or damp. Either burial or cremation can be carried out in a respectful dignified manner.

Consider the family’s established tradition. Does your family typically bury or cremate? How strong are the ties to this tradition? Will a break from tradition create a burden for any of the family members? There are few times in life that are more emotionally charged than when a loved one has died. Regardless of which has been a family’s tradition, burial or cremation, it will be of value to determine how important adhering to the tradition will be to those close to the person who died.

2. The values and beliefs of the person who died

When final disposition was not decided and communicated to all close family members by the person who died before death, the decision is left to the family. This can create uncertainty. Over the course of a lifetime the deceased may have expressed an interest in either burial or cremation or likely as not BOTH. A daughter heard mom say she was saddened when her friend was “just cremated” and there was no service. Perhaps the daughter thinks mom would never want to be cremated. A son may have been told by his father that his friend would “roll over in his grave” if he knew how much his wife spent on the funeral. What does that mean? Does it mean he does not want a funeral? Or does it mean he doesn’t want the family to overspend?

To add to the conundrum everyone wants to do whatever the one who has died would have wanted. If you find yourself in the position of trying to sort out what to do for a loved one who has just died you will just have to do your best. Talk it out with your close family members. Be kind to each other. Listen. Try your best to find a solution that includes what is most important to each of the family members.

If you are deciding for yourself and grappling with the decision of whether to be buried or cremated and need help with the decision, call your funeral director and ask for help. All funeral homes have a person on staff who can explain the options and help you find the solution that works for you and your family. There is typically no cost for a planning session.

3. Decide what is “cost-effective” for your family

Cost-effective is not the same as cheap. Cost-effective is a balance. It is a place where what you spend meets what your heart desires. You get what you need and are not left with a financial burden. Think of it like buying a pair of shoes. A lot depends on what’s important to you. Are you going hiking or dancing? You most likely have a list of considerations that you will weigh before making your purchase decision. Only one of them is cost. If cost is the only driver in your decision - if you go for the least expensive foot covering - you just might find yourself on a painful sock footed hike! Cost-effective feels good. Cheapest may not.

Burial or cremation can be cost effective. Cremation can eliminate the need for some products and services which eliminates some costs. Once you have gotten in touch with the family’s values and the individual values of the person who has died, or if you are planning for yourself, your own values, establish a budget that will feel like money well spent. Talk with your funeral director. Share both your heart’s desires and your budget. Let your funeral director help you find the solution that is right for your family.

When planning for yourself the most important thing is to decide and communicate your decision clearly to all who will be impacted when you die. Avoid leaving your family without a clear, well thought out direction.

www.sharpfuneralhomes.com

Choosing Cemetery Property

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Thinking No Funeral? Think Again.

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Do I Need a “Final Resting Place”?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Embalming: What’s the Purpose?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What is a Celebration of Life?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Cooking for One …The Perfect Egg

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Jewish Funeral Traditions

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Three Ways to Support Someone Who is Grieving in Isolation

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How to Dress for a Funeral

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

The gift of a note to your family

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Grief is individual

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How Should I Prepare for my Funeral Preplanning Meeting?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Father’s Day

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Let’s all give a big shout out for all the fathers! Boy, have they ever stepped up to the plate and embraced the changing role of fatherhood. Lots of those who are young dads today were raised by a very different kind of dad. Their dads may have never changed a poopy diaper or traveled alone with an infant. But times have changed.Now, dads are all in. You see them on planes toting a little one in a carrier on their chest, no mom in sight, so you just know they will be changing that diaper. We have stay at home dads, dads who cook meals inside the house as well as on the grill, and dads who know where the kids’ PJs are stored. Lots of big changes in one generation. That’s not to short-change the granddads. The generation that spawned those super adapters. They are now grandfathers and were grand fathers. A generation ago lots of dads supported the family all by themselves. They also coached, were scout masters, mowed their own lawn (with a push mower) and made pancakes on Sunday mornings. These same guys are now the grandpas who are teaching their grandchildren to fish and holding the hand of a princess in a tutu as they wander the zoo. Kudos to the Dad’s! It’s their day!Today is the day to appreciate your dad and to say thank you. You won’t have him forever, you know. www.sharpfuneralhomes.com For 150 years, Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center has had the honor of serving families in Flint, Michigan and surrounding communities such as Grand Blanc, Swartz Creek, Fenton, and Linden. They assist families in the planning of funeral services, memorial services, burial services and cremation services. They also offer a variety of veterans services and pre-planning packages for individuals to plan and fund their final arrangements in advance. To learn more, visit sharpfuneralhomes.com.

Accepting an invitation

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Previous blog posts have acknowledged how hard it is to deal with special occasions (e.g. holidays, birthdays) when you’ve recently lost the one you love. So, what do you do when you receive an invitation for that special occasion that you don’t feel like accepting? Maybe you are afraid you’ll be a wet blanket, or you aren’t eager to do something new and different because you really just want things as they were. That’s understandable but perhaps turning down the invitation isn’t really in your best interest. Before you say “no” to an invitation too quickly, give yourself a few minutes to think about it. Take that time to consider your alternatives. What will you do if you don’t accept it? Is there something you would prefer to do? Think about it, do you really want to be alone on that special day? It is important to acknowledge that the day won’t be the same. Acknowledge your loss. A woman who recently lost her husband goes to the cemetery for a little chat on those special days. She “tells” her husband how it’s hard for her and that she misses him. Then she tells him how she is going to spend the day. It is difficult to do something different on those special occasions. Your first few efforts may even fall short. Eventually, perhaps even sooner than you expect, you will find your joy in the occasions again. www.sharpfuneralhomes.com For 150 years, Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center has had the honor of serving families in Flint, Michigan and surrounding communities such as Grand Blanc, Swartz Creek, Fenton, and Linden. They assist families in the planning of funeral services, memorial services, burial services and cremation services. They also offer a variety of veterans services and pre-planning packages for individuals to plan and fund their final arrangements in advance. To learn more, visit sharpfuneralhomes.com.

The Best Insurance Purchase You Will Ever Make

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

The storm passes and we are once again caught up in our love/hate relationship with insurance. Typically, we pay and pay and then we pray we don’t ever need to file a claim. No one wants to have their house burn down or blow away. But, it is also hard to write that check every month. Most folks do so because they are afraid not to.However, there is one kind of insurance you will absolutely use. You’ll get more than you paid in, and you don’t have to pay endlessly.Funeral insurance, not to be confused with final expense insurance, is the rare insurance product designed to cover a cost that you absolutely will incur. We all die in the end. So, how does it work?Funeral insurance is sold through your funeral home. The amount of the insurance matches the cost of your funeral in today’s dollars. It can be paid in one payment and you are done. Or, you can pay over three to 20 years and be covered for the whole cost of your funeral while you pay. It’s easy to find out more. Just call the funeral home and ask to speak to someone in the advance planning department. You will want to set aside one to two hours for your meeting with the advance planner. You will have questions. Remember to ask how funeral insurance is different from final expense insurance. www.sharpfuneralhomes.com For 150 years, Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center has had the honor of serving families in Flint, Michigan and surrounding communities such as Grand Blanc, Swartz Creek, Fenton, and Linden. They assist families in the planning of funeral services, memorial services, burial services and cremation services. They also offer a variety of veterans services and pre-planning packages for individuals to plan and fund their final arrangements in advance. To learn more, visit sharpfuneralhomes.com.

Should I Attend the Visitation or the Funeral?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Must I Wear Black to a Visitation or Funeral?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What to wear to a funeral has changed and continues to change with time. We are more relaxed, less formal in 2021 than we were even ten years ago. Still some basic principles endure. A funeral is a somber respectful occasion.1. Unless religion or local tradition dictate, black is no longer required. However subdued colors are always appropriate.2. That said, in some instances the family may request that guests wear bright colors or even fan attire to reflect the interests of the deceased. Of course, if this happens you will want to honor the wishes of the family.3. If you are struggling to decide what to wear think about what you would wear to an interview for a job that you really want to land.4. For ladies a dress, a skirt, or dress slacks will be lovely5. For gentlemen slacks and a shirt with a collar will do nicely. This is a good time to skip the ball cap.6. Clean and neat goes without saying.7. Finally, it’s not about you. It is not your moment to shine. Attendees come to offer comfort or show respect for human life. Think about the principal mourners when choosing your attire. If your grandfather died what you wear should not cause your grandmother to gasp.www.sharpfuneralhomes.com For 150 years, Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center has had the honor of serving families in Flint, Michigan and surrounding communities such as Grand Blanc, Swartz Creek, Fenton, and Linden. They assist families in the planning of funeral services, memorial services, burial services and cremation services. They also offer a variety of veterans services and pre-planning packages for individuals to plan and fund their final arrangements in advance. To learn more, visit sharpfuneralhomes.com.

The History of Veterans Day

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Social Distancing, Weddings and Funerals

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

A year of firsts

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Cheap Funerals

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Cremation or burial … is that the question?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Mother died…how long do we keep her things?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Cheap cremation

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Moving after a spouse dies?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Preserving the Family Relationship while Planning a Funeral

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Moving After a Spouse Dies?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Should I go to the Funeral?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

It's not Really a Funeral Plan if it's not at the Funeral Home

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Get Your Family Involved in Funeral Planning

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Honoring Military Service

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What to expect when you expect to be cremated

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Planning for Cremation

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Writing the thank you notes

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Preplanning Your Funeral in your 60’s

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Our dog died and my family wants to get a new one. Why?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Email to a funeral director

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Too Little Too Late - A Memorial Gone Wrong

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Why do we have eggs and chocolate rabbits at Easter?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Where should I send my condolences?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What to look for when you are buying final expense insurance

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Thinking about skipping the funeral?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How did St. Valentine’s Day get started?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Hearts, flowers, chocolate, the feast day of a Saint, just what is Valentine’s Day? Some tell us it is a holiday created to brighten the cold dark winter month of February. The holiday goes all the way back to the Romans. The Roman Festival of Lupercalia held in mid-February to celebrate the coming of Spring culminated in a lottery that matched up men and women. It was all about love from the beginning. In the 5th century Pope Gelasius I changed the festival to Saint Valentine’s Day, but the love stuck. Saint Valentine’s Feast Day was associated with courtly love. By the 14th century Valentine’s Day was a day to celebrate romance. Flowers, cards, and chocolate were soon to follow. Today, on Valentine’s Day we still celebrate love. What could be better? What is more important than those we love? On February 14th we push the pause button on the demands of life and make telling our husbands, wives, children, parents, brothers, sisters, and friends they are important to us and we love them.It is a little holiday. It does not take a lot to let someone know they are loved. Remember you will not have these people forever. Take a minute or two to share the love!www.sharpfuneralhomes.com For 150 years, Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center has had the honor of serving families in Flint, Michigan and surrounding communities such as Grand Blanc, Swartz Creek, Fenton, and Linden. They assist families in the planning of funeral services, memorial services, burial services and cremation services. They also offer a variety of veterans services and pre-planning packages for individuals to plan and fund their final arrangements in advance. To learn more, visit sharpfuneralhomes.com.

Losing a Spouse

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Finding YOUR Joy

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Who Should Record my Funeral Wishes?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Make Family the Foundation for Funeral Planning

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Core Values and Funeral Decisions

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Remembering a rabid football fan

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Who Will Take Care of My Funeral Plans?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Mother’s Day

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How to get the funeral you want

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Flowers and Funerals

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Nice Looking Funeral Home Doesn’t Mean Expensive

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Scam Protection

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How to Thank a Veteran

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Funeral Home Near Me

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Cremation Society or Funeral Home

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

When the soul leaves the body … reacting to a sudden unexpected death

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Making the Funeral About the One Who Died

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Funerals are changing … but grief is still the same.

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Christmas after the death of a loved one

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Do I really need to attend the funeral?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Why plan your funeral in advance?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Burial Vault: What’s the Point?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Funeral Word Quiz

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Many Shades of Green Burial

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Five Tips to Help You Stop Procrastinating About Planning Your Funeral

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

3 Things You Need to Know About Veterans Cemeteries

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Vanished Without a Trace

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Embalming … What Funeral Directors Do

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Why Plan your funeral in advance?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

When Is It Too Late to Have a Funeral Service?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Top Ten Reasons Your Parents Should Pre-plan Their Funerals

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Choosing the Right Funeral Service: 10 Steps to help you get it right

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Dad died. What do I do with the pills?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What Do Funeral Directors Do?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Grief is Individual

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Oh Boy here come the HOLIDAYS

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What to Expect at a Funeral

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Memorial Day

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Normandy's Hallowed Ground

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Honoring Military Service

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Funerals are for Saints and Sinners

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Control funeral costs by planning ahead

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How much do funerals cost?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Food and funerals

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Saying thank-you to a Veteran

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

There are a million ways to say thank you. Great or small they all have value. Decide to always just say thank you whenever you see a person in uniform. When you see a person in uniform at the coffee shop or fast food restaurant pick up their tab if you can. At the airport trade your first class or comfort seat for their standard seat If you have a neighbor who is deployed offer to play catch with the kids or mow the lawn. Ask how you can help Send a care package by contacting Operation Gratitude Donate your old cell phone Drive a Veteran to their doctor appointments (contact the hospital services coordinator at the local VA hospital) Write a letter Volunteer at a VA hospital If you run a business hire a veteran - Hire Heroes USA Donate dollars or time to train service dogs for veterans - Patriot Paws or Puppy Jake Foundation Build a house for a veteran - Building Homes for Heroes Big dollars or only a few dollars, lots of time or only a little time, where there is a will there is a way to say thank you to those who serve in our military. www.sharpfuneralhomes.com For 150 years, Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center has had the honor of serving families in Flint, Michigan and surrounding communities such as Grand Blanc, Swartz Creek, Fenton, and Linden. They assist families in the planning of funeral services, memorial services, burial services and cremation services. They also offer a variety of veterans services and pre-planning packages for individuals to plan and fund their final arrangements in advance. To learn more, visit sharpfuneralhomes.com.

Why Don’t We Celebrate Life While the Person is Alive?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

After the Funeral: How Are You?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Preparing The Eulogy

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Spring: A Fresh Optimistic Start

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Celebrating Grads and Grands

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Where Are You Now? Three to Six Months After the Death of a Spouse

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Trouble Sleeping After A Loss

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What to Do When Someone Dies

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Three Things to Include in Your Funeral Plan

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

The Best Gift Ever for Your Adult Kids

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Gifts that please, surprise, are useful, and don’t break the bank are hard to come by.So, here’s one that no one will see coming. What if you could give the gift of being prepared? You can.Now is the perfect time to call the funeral home and get on the schedule to speak to the preneed person/advance funeral planner. Just get all your questions answered. Get a plan written and on file at the funeral home. That way everyone knows who to call, what to do, and maybe even how it’s all going to be paid for. Does your family need this gift? Here’s a test. When you order a pizza does everyone want the same toppings? If your family takes a bit to decide or you always order half this and half that, a funeral plan will be a terrific gift. If your family is blended, then absolutely this is a perfect gift. If yours is a second marriage, for sure they’ll all appreciate this gift one day. If your kids are all equally successful, agree on everything, belong to the same church, they will still love this gift!No one will expect your gift of a completed funeral plan. No one will need the receipt to return your gift. Your gift will not be too big, too small, too out of style, or re-gifted. It will absolutely be used someday. It will be appreciated.www.sharpfuneralhomes.com For 150 years, Sharp Funeral Home & Cremation Center has had the honor of serving families in Flint, Michigan and surrounding communities such as Grand Blanc, Swartz Creek, Fenton, and Linden. They assist families in the planning of funeral services, memorial services, burial services and cremation services. They also offer a variety of veterans services and pre-planning packages for individuals to plan and fund their final arrangements in advance. To learn more, visit sharpfuneralhomes.com.

Moving on with Life After the Death of a Loved One

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

“When I Die, I Just Want You to …”

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Every Day is Full of Moments. Moments Charged with Opportunity.

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Death and Taxes

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Top Three Priorities for Those Who are Grieving

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What to Do with Funeral Flowers

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How to Tell Your Spouse You Pre-Planned Your Funeral

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

When Will You Need to Pay for a Funeral?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Three Reasons to Preplan Your Funeral When Your Family Doesn’t Live Close

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How to Bring Creativity to a Funeral Service

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Where Can I Scatter the Remains of a Loved One?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How to prepare for a funeral? Contacting loved ones

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Enjoyable New Year's resolutions

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Women in Funeral Service

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Do I Have to Have a Burial Vault?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

The value of a cemetery

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Am I too Young to Plan My Funeral?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How Much Does a Funeral Cost?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What is a Burial Vault?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Age-Associated Financial Vulnerability

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What Does the Embalming Room Look Like?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Who Becomes a Funeral Director?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Plan It…All the Way Out

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Elements of a Great Obituary

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What is a Desairologist?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What Is the Purpose of the Register Book?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Why do people have a viewing or open casket?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Veterans Day - Thank You for Your Service

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Organ Donation: Who Can Donate?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Organ Donation: What is the Process?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

So You Want to Donate Your Body to Science

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Choosing Music for a Funeral

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How to choose an urn?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How Can We Use Pictures at a Funeral?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Embalming: Do I Have To?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Preparing for a Funeral: What Should be Buried with a Loved One?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How to Write and Deliver a Eulogy

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

The 4th of July ... Birthday of Our Great Nation

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What can the funeral home do for a Veteran?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

How to Say the Right Thing at a Funeral

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

What Do You do with Cremated Remains?

Fri, 17 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT